Busted relationship/cheating partner

Hitman_Leon · 8 Feb 2008 at 12:12

I already thought about it, way it go's is she can live there till the youngest is 18 then its sold to pay for the kids University fees and whats left over they get in trust funds for when they turn 25 or graduate whatever comes first.

Richdog · 8 Feb 2008 at 12:14

HITMAN_LEON said:
I dont wan't the house she can stick it, house is nothing to me, my word and my pride are the things that mean the most after my kids. I never break my word because I would loose my pride liars are worthless, thats why I leave if she continues to lie, liars are the lowest form of life, its not the cheating she did that bites me anymore it happened done is done, but its the continual lies that bite and her not allowing me and her to even try and put things back as they could be with a lot of effort and time but it could happen and she won't allow it because she refuses to tell anything but lies.

Mate imo that's completely the wrong attitude. Your house IS worth something to you, it represents the culmination of years of strife and hard work that YOU have fought and slogged your guts out for. If she gets the house without a fight you will be giving away a big deal of pride and self-respect imo. Make sure she gets no more than half of everything you own, don't give her a penny more, and don't let her use the kids to guilt-trip you about anything, as they will be looked after no matter what.

My mum cheated on my dad and then tried to wring every penny she could out of him, so i've had some bitter experience with this sort of thing. If the same happens to me no woman will get anything more than what they are legally entitled to. Not a penny.

Morba · 8 Feb 2008 at 12:18

HITMAN_LEON said:
I already thought about it, way it go's is she can live there till the youngest is 18 then its sold to pay for the kids University fees and whats left over they get in trust funds for when they turn 25 or graduate whatever comes first.

Won't work like that. Do not move out.

LordSplodge · 8 Feb 2008 at 12:19

Duggan said:
Regardless of whether you want the house or not dude dont let her have it. I can understand having to give her half or what ever through the courts but it just seems crazy that would would throw money away. If not sign your half to the kids or something so that they can have the money for there future. If things change further down the road your be kicking your self that you just let her have the house.

Re-iterating this so it sinks in.

sist_si · 8 Feb 2008 at 12:23

I don't normally post in things like this but I think people are right on this one. The house is probably the last thing you want to think of at the moment but there is no way she should get it. You have the kids interests at heart which is great but I think at most she should only get half and certainly no more. You'll still be the kids dad so you need to keep that financial security to be there for them....even if it means selling the place, moving elsewhere and splitting the money.

Makunouchi · 8 Feb 2008 at 12:23

JodieG said:
She would most likely get the house and definitely with 3 children you would be the one that needed to find a new home. This happens in the majority of cases.

I'm not excusing her but people don't have affairs or flings for no reason. You need to address that so that, if you forgive her, it doesn't happen again. I would suggest going to relate to talk things through and get everything out in the open.

Sorry you're going through this and clearly there will be trust issues now. You do need to think about your children and what leaving would do to them but if the relationship is worth saving and you still love her then do it and don't worry about what anybody else thinks, it's your life and only you know what's right for you.

Hmm, this annoyed me. Its typical of the modern day approach to marriage though i guess. (wait, was he married? i cba to read back) It shouldnt be up to him to try and make things better with this woman who prefered to cheat on her partner rather than talk about the problems with the relationship first.

Another question that might be interesting to throw about: why is it becomming more and more common for it to be the woman who cheats/breaks a marriage where-as 50 years ago it would have 90% been the man? More like 50-50 these days i reckon.
What does that say about the balance in society and the success of the femanist movement? And is it having a negative or positive impact?

Hitman_Leon · 8 Feb 2008 at 12:43

Morba said:
Won't work like that. Do not move out.

I asked a solicitor he can swing it so it happens as I say apparantly, house held in trust for kids then proceeds after sale distributed through trust funds.

Jon Frost · 8 Feb 2008 at 12:48

OcUK. "The place for relationship advice."

Spie - a new slogan perhaps?

rossyl · 8 Feb 2008 at 12:52

i cannot stress this enough do not walk out of the house

if you want to do the sell the house when the kids are 18yrs old, and put the money in a trust fund YOU MUST ARRANGE THIS BEFORE YOU WALK OUT

In marital situations walking out results in the loss of some rights, and once you leave you cannot go back.

Once you leave the courts will say, house is hers to raise the kids, you pay 50%+ of mortgage, you pay maintennace, you pay % of kids expenses.

If you want the sale of house at kids age of 18yrs old. A contract should be drawn up by a solicitor, it should be signed and witnessed, and it MUST BE DONE BEFORE YOU LEAVE THE HOUSE. Once you leave and ask her to sign it she'll simply say "No" this will elad to costs, strain and bother trying to make her agree.

Just be sensible and sort everything out before you leave. Stressful it may be at the time, for you family and the kids...but it will work out better in the long run.

Hitman_Leon · 8 Feb 2008 at 12:56

rossyl said:
i cannot stress this enough do not walk out of the house

if you want to do the sell the house when the kids are 18yrs old, and put the money in a trust fund YOU MUST ARRANGE THIS BEFORE YOU WALK OUT

In marital situations walking out results in the loss of some rights, and once you leave you cannot go back.

Once you leave the courts will say, house is hers to raise the kids, you pay 50%+ of mortgage, you pay maintennace, you pay % of kids expenses.

If you want the sale of house at kids age of 18yrs old. A contract should be drawn up by a solicitor, it should be signed and witnessed, and it MUST BE DONE BEFORE YOU LEAVE THE HOUSE. Once you leave and ask her to sign it she'll simply say "No" this will elad to costs, strain and bother trying to make her agree.

Just be sensible and sort everything out before you leave. Stressful it may be at the time, for you family and the kids...but it will work out better in the long run.

Its all in hand I knew that, unlike her I have an IQ higher than pond scum, but what you say might help some other guy out if he is searching for any answers good point.

rossyl · 8 Feb 2008 at 13:00

HITMAN_LEON said:
Its all in hand I knew that, unlike her I have an IQ higher than pond scum, but what you say might help some other guy out if he is searching for any answers good point.

Just seen it happen too many times. Glad it's all in hand for you in terms of legal matters. Truly awful situation. Time as they say is the greatest healer, however, I've no idea how you must be feeling. All the best, and i truly hope things work out well for you. You seem like an honest noble chap, and it annoys me even more when this stuff happens to good people.

stevenazari1 · 8 Feb 2008 at 13:07

dude why the hell are you leaving? dont be daft - kick her out!?

I dont understand why so many people that are cheated on leave the house instead of boot the other person out. is it because you'd still invision them around the house or something? I mean you pay good money on that house! dont be silly and throw it away!

Valentines Day:
take her stuff round her parents house along with the a letter regarding the supplied cd proof,
change locks,
as she comes home blast some really loud music relating to her being such a **** with a big note on the door explaining the situation.

Morba · 8 Feb 2008 at 13:20

HITMAN_LEON said:
I asked a solicitor he can swing it so it happens as I say apparantly, house held in trust for kids then proceeds after sale distributed through trust funds.

What a solicitor says and what actually happens are 2 different things. Do not leave the house.

Dugganator · 8 Feb 2008 at 13:32

HITMAN_LEON remember a lot of people are just trying to help here. One thing I will say at this point or stage from what I remember you wont listen to all the advice your given and your kick your self afterwards that you didnt. Thats what most people are trying to get at. I understand you say you will have the house/funds left or signed over to your kids but for no reason let her have anything that she has no right too. If its her stuff then by all means mail it back to her in bits saying it was damaged in the post

. But dont walk out of something you have worked for. Everyone will agree with me that in 5 years when this is a distance memory you will be thanking that you took the advice and fort for what is rightly yours.

alexakasloth · 8 Feb 2008 at 13:37

I agree with you duggan, when the feelings have died down she'll be the one with your possesions, or what used to be. If you are going end the relationship fight your corner, she is the one who has done bad so she should be facing the consequences. Otherwise, what has she learnt? Cheating = free roof over her head?

SoSolid · 8 Feb 2008 at 18:18

stevenazari1 said:
do you realise what you just said? did you read her post?

she said that she cant believe that people can be so unfaithful. read posts but more importantly understand what they are saying before blasting people.

No mate you need to read the post, she is saying that everyone can be faithful as long as they are happy with the relationship. This is the excuse that the majority of ho's use to explain why they cheat so much by saying that they are not happy in the relationship. Now sit down and stop yacking.

stevenazari1 · 8 Feb 2008 at 18:24

SoSolid said:
No mate you need to read the post, she is saying that everyone can be faithful as long as they are happy with the relationship. This is the excuse that the majority of ho's use to explain why they cheat so much by saying that they are not happy in the relationship. Now sit down and stop yacking.

no thats not what she said at all - read her exact words instead of bending them so you can play keyboard warrior.

86JR · 8 Feb 2008 at 19:00

Shes taken u to solicitors to try and do you for recording her ?

Sounds to me like she wants to sue you for any reason.

Youve lost in every way, mother, 3 kids, she will get the house, car, then atleast half of all you have, you will have nothing left, she will be seeing other guys and you wont get to see your kids.

Just stick with her and cheat on her like she does on you.

Richdog · 8 Feb 2008 at 19:34

twoblacklines said:
Shes taken u to solicitors to try and do you for recording her ?

Sounds to me like she wants to sue you for any reason.

Youve lost in every way, mother, 3 kids, she will get the house, car, then atleast half of all you have, you will have nothing left, she will be seeing other guys and you wont get to see your kids.

Just stick with her and cheat on her like she does on you.

LOL.

Morba · 9 Feb 2008 at 01:24

twoblacklines said:
Shes taken u to solicitors to try and do you for recording her ?

Sounds to me like she wants to sue you for any reason.

Youve lost in every way, mother, 3 kids, she will get the house, car, then atleast half of all you have, you will have nothing left, she will be seeing other guys and you wont get to see your kids.

Just stick with her and cheat on her like she does on you.

you forgot the right to your pension as well