can any go through my covering letter/CV?

triggerthat · 31 Mar 2006 at 13:07

Am soon about to apply for a summer internship at The Other Media Ltd.

Would it be possible if you can go through it to make sure everything is fine?

Link

Much appreciated.

Cheers.

Nismo · 31 Mar 2006 at 13:13

Are you linking to an intranet?

Page not found error here.

triggerthat · 31 Mar 2006 at 13:14

fixed. Try the .doc version.

Nismo · 31 Mar 2006 at 13:17

You should probably edit out your personal details and just provide the body of the letter.

Leaving yourself open for spam/dodgy calls etc if someone was malicious enough.

triggerthat · 31 Mar 2006 at 13:22

Nismo said:
You should probably edit out your personal details and just provide the body of the letter.

Leaving yourself open for spam/dodgy calls etc if someone was malicious enough.

Done.

phill · 31 Mar 2006 at 13:25

way too much information in that CV tbh

beh · 31 Mar 2006 at 13:29

Slightly odd phraseology in parts of the covering letter.

"interpersonal and technician skills" should perhaps read "interpersonal and technical skills"

"play a vital contribution" would read better as to "make a vital contribution" or "play a vital role"

"as well as allowing me to steer in the right direction to fulfil my career" maybe something like "as well as steering me in the right direction to fulfil my career ambitions"

Nismo · 31 Mar 2006 at 13:31

phill said:
way too much information in that CV tbh

I was thinking that, I've always kept covering letters short and to the point as all the information was either in the application form or CV itself.

triggerthat · 31 Mar 2006 at 13:32

beh said:
Slightly odd phraseology in parts of the covering letter.

"interpersonal and technician skills" should perhaps read "interpersonal and technical skills"

"play a vital contribution" would read better as to "make a vital contribution" or "play a vital role"

"as well as allowing me to steer in the right direction to fulfil my career" maybe something like "as well as steering me in the right direction to fulfil my career ambitions"

Thanks for that.

What do you think I should cut on the CV? The various office and assistant roles?

beh · 31 Mar 2006 at 14:45

Another thought, could perhaps tone down some parts that might come across as being overconfident and assuming.

"During my studies I have attained academic excellence" - slightly less boastful to refer to "success in your studies"?

"considering my capabilities" - your adequately represented in your CV

"certainly looking forward to the challenges and experience offered at Other Media" - Less assuming to say that you would "enjoy/appreciate the challenge and experience offered"

"I will be looking forward to hearing from you." - Could just remove that sentence, "Thankyou for your consideration" is a perfectly pleasant way to end it.

More generally, the first and last paragraphs are obviously fine. I would question the necessity of 3rd paragraph as its content is somewhat similar to stuff in your CV. And for fluency I think the 2nd paragraph leads into the 4th where you mention the "oppurtunity to learn" in the 2nd and then "opportunities to develop my skills and knowledge further" in the 4th. Could even merge both paragraphs for conciseness...

Career in IT > interests in web dev and networking > ideality of placement > oppurtunity to demonstrate and develop skills > positive contribution/mutual benefit.

triggerthat · 31 Mar 2006 at 14:58

beh said:
Another thought, could perhaps tone down some parts that might come across as being overconfident and assuming.

"During my studies I have attained academic excellence" - slightly less boastful to refer to "success in your studies"?

"considering my capabilities" - your adequately represented in your CV

"certainly looking forward to the challenges and experience offered at Other Media" - Less assuming to say that you would "enjoy/appreciate the challenge and experience offered"

"I will be looking forward to hearing from you." - Could just remove that sentence, "Thankyou for your consideration" is a perfectly pleasant way to end it.

More generally, the first and last paragraphs are obviously fine. I would question the necessity of 3rd paragraph as its content is somewhat similar to stuff in your CV. And for fluency I think the 2nd paragraph leads into the 4th where you mention the "oppurtunity to learn" in the 2nd and then "opportunities to develop my skills and knowledge further" in the 4th. Could even merge both paragraphs for conciseness...

Career in IT > interests in web dev and networking > ideality of placement > oppurtunity to demonstrate and develop skills > positive contribution/mutual benefit.

Thanks for that. I have just made some changes.

Let me know what you think.

triggerthat · 1 Apr 2006 at 16:22

Link here

buckeejit · 1 Apr 2006 at 16:28

Far too much information for a C.V.

Lagz · 1 Apr 2006 at 16:37

"As an inquiring-minded individual"

Does this actually mean anything

?

megatron · 1 Apr 2006 at 17:04

Lagz said:
"As an inquiring-minded individual"

Does this actually mean anything ?

Inquisitive?

Alasdair · 1 Apr 2006 at 17:14

Remove the referees, instead you should say they are available on request.

triggerthat · 1 Apr 2006 at 17:17

Alasdair said:
Remove the referees, instead you should say they are available on request.

Any particular reason?

blade007 · 1 Apr 2006 at 17:36

you've got a lot of good things on there

but hmmm..

what does this mean? ... "Personal achievements include establishing a small computer business providing I.T. solutions and computer repairs primarily for experience and as part of the Entrepreneurial society."

are you saying you just did this on a whim because of social pressures to succeed in something?

It's as though you're adding it as a throw-away comment.

triggerthat · 1 Apr 2006 at 20:59

Well I wasn't entirely sure about that. The idea of the soceity came through there. I wasn't sure if establishing a company will jepodise me getting the job considering they will probably say, oh what's stopping you from leaving the job if your company grows etc.