Can't believe I'm doing this...

.Sean · 14 Mar 2012 at 00:08

I've now got my very own OcUK relationship thread. I've got no where else to go.

Girlfriend of 2 years found questionable images on one of my old hard drives after she went through my PC while I was out. Came home to an "I'm sorry" text message. I asked what was up, she told me she found a folder full of naked Asian girls. :eek:

Queue a very long night of apologizing and comforting as best as I could, but it really didn't work at all. I explained to her that I forgot I even had that sort of stuff on my PC and that it meant nothing. This didn't help, she's just simply too self conscious. Her theory is that I shouldn't have to ever use pornography or look at/think about other women. She thinks that she's not perfect to me, not beautiful, etc. which is all of course not true. I think she's amazing and one of the best things that's ever happened to me. She is beautiful, I love her. Again, none of this got through to her.

Next question was if I have ever watched porn while we've been dating. I couldn't lie to her and I told her I have, but it doesn't make me some sort of scumbag or mean that I love her/think of her any less. I couldn't even explain why men do it, just that we do.

She told me she felt sick/disgusted and wanted me to leave her alone.

What the hell do I do now? :confused:

I wish I just lied to her but I couldn't bring myself to do it..

.Sean · 14 Mar 2012 at 00:24

There are definitely trust issues, I just thought we'd get through that in time. I didn't expect her to go that far, though. It took me a good few minutes to find the folder myself! I honestly don't keep that sort of stuff on my PC but I admit to watching the odd video now and then online when I'm on my own. And yeah, I personally don't see anything wrong with that but I really don't know how to explain that to her.

Good shout, Zefan. 22 this year. :eek:

(too many posts to keep up with, ty for the advice and funny posts, it's cheering me up a bit!)

.Sean · 14 Mar 2012 at 02:09

Thanks for all the help, we're finally discussing this a bit more calmly.

When in doubt, ask OcUK GD! <3

.Sean · 14 Mar 2012 at 15:58

We've been talking all morning but it only seems to be getting worse. Her biggest problem is that she hates the thought of me fantasizing about the women in the video I'd be watching while doing the deed... I've tried to explain that it means nothing, there is no attachment, nothing emotional, just stimulation. It's not worked.

She's told me that she feels "back at square one" and heartbroken. :s

Would also like to mention that I'm horrible with words/explaining my feelings. Like I know what I want to say in my head, but can't get it out, which is why I was asking for help in the first place.

It's very possible that I've handled this wrong but most of what I've said to her has been similar to what's on here.

.Sean · 14 Mar 2012 at 16:07

Pestilence said:
*Looks at section of forum*

Oh, GD, right...

... best of luck.

Hey, some of the advice hasn't been that bad.

.Sean · 14 Mar 2012 at 16:18

Hatter The Mad said:
Show her this thread? It's what I'd do

Have considered that, not sure if I could bring myself to do it though. She's in self destruct mode right now, or pity me mode, I don't know. "All I do is mess things up, I'll never get over my insecurities, you think I don't trust you, everything is ruined" etc. This is getting a bit much...

.Sean · 14 Mar 2012 at 16:54

Archy said:
Definitely do not do this. Highly doubtful that telling her you posted about your relationship problems on an internet forum will solve anything.

Yeah, it just entered my mind very briefly! To be honest though, she knows I visit this website, wouldn't surprise me if she checked my account now and then after this whole PC debacle.

I've now had to explain to her that men and women can find other people attractive even if they're already in a relationship, but it doesn't change anything. I don't think she quite grasps that yet either, could be opening up a whole new can of worms here...

And for those of you curious about our age, I'm 19 and she is 21. It feels strange being younger and having to explain this type of thing.

.Sean · 14 Mar 2012 at 19:35

Think we're getting somewhere, not sure what lasting damage this will have on our relationship but she's at least said that she accepts it but doesn't agree with it. Pretty mental night if I'm being honest! Massive overreaction.

.Sean · 14 Mar 2012 at 19:44

Heliospherez said:
I would be surprised if that's the end of it.

By the sounds of it - she will never accept it.

I don't think it is the end. I guess I'll see over the coming weeks.

.Sean · 14 Mar 2012 at 19:54

[FnG]magnolia;21473410 said:
Ignoring all the porn stuff, would you say you're happy? Think of all the good and all the not so good and then be honest. Are you happy?

Yeah, I am happy with her when there is no drama going on. Unfortunately it feels like I'm dealing with something new every week.

.Sean · 14 Mar 2012 at 23:43

We have made peace, for now. Thank you for all of the advice and funny posts! I knew I could count on GD.

Would I be able to have this thread hidden? I understand I put myself out there on a public forum but I would appreciate the gesture for obvious reasons!

.Sean · 14 Mar 2012 at 23:51

[FnG]magnolia;21475367 said:
Hidden because you think she'll go rooting for it?

Dude, have you not read any of the replies?

You know what, you're right. LET THE THREAD BE! It is what it is.

.Sean · 14 Mar 2012 at 23:55

[FnG]magnolia;21475395 said:
Next week on GD : "Hey guys, my GF found that thread and has left me! HALP!!!"

I literally have no idea how I would explain this forum (specifically General Discussion) to her.