Cheating

[qwerty]

I searched and there doesn't seem to be a cheating thread on here. I just want to know peoples opinions on it.

Should you tell the people involved, or try to keep it secret forever?
If people get suspicious should you come clean or go deeper with the lies?
Is it ever justifiable?
How do I stop thinking about it and how bad a person I am?

 

[qwerty]

I'd have thought telling the other person involved would be the main point, let them break up with you.

If you feel bad, just think what they're going to feel when they find out what you're doing to them.

In my opinion, it's never justifiable. If you have the need to do such a thing, something is up in your relationship, and you either need to break it off or talk things over and fix the issues, and then move on.

That's the problem, there are no issues. I was just being completely absolutely stupid. But there's no way I could tell my gf - one of her best friends got cheated on and some of the things my gf said after that mean that she can never find out about this. ever. things were so good, I'm just worried I've ruined it by being selfish.

 

[qwerty]

But if I was with someone who I genuinely cared for and knew there was some sort of a future, then there's absolutely no chance that I would cheat.

That's the position I was in - and I thought there was absolutely no chance I would cheat.

I barely even remember it I was so blind drunk. I can't drink in sensible amounts, maybe I should get that seen to as well.

 

[qwerty]

On a more serious note, tell them. Chances are they will find out at some point and it could be a lot worse.

I think it's too late to tell her. It's complicated, but it just is too late.

 

[qwerty]

Be a man, shag them both and continue to do it until one of them finds out. Cover your tracks and make sure that it doesn't happen, when you're bored with both dump the uglier one

I was impressed at all the sensible answers so far. Thanks.

 

[qwerty]

If you are unable to dismiss it and forget about it, you feel it has made you question your commitment and your relationship with her, or there is a chance of her finding out then you should tell her.

Otherwise just forget it ever happened, if it isn't affecting you or your relationship, and she won't ever find out then what's the point in causing unnecessary grief.

That's what I'm thinking at the moment. There is only 1 possible way she could ever ever find out. Do you want me to explain?

I was out with a guy friend (call him Joe), the girl (call her Jemima - I made both names up), and her friends. Joe was trying it on all night with Jemima, and had been since Monday, but he was getting nowhere and it was obvious he never would but she was playing with him. A lot of drinks later she started coming on to me and tried to kiss me. I told her I couldn't because it would betray Joe. She 'reassured' me that she had got her (girl) friend to 'keep him happy' so he would stop bothering her so she could have me.

This is all pieced together from vague drunken memories so I'm not sure of the accuracy.

Anyway, I ended up kissing her as I was in that 'don't know where I am, anything seems like a good idea' state. Joe saw us and txted me saying something about betrayal. I think he then told me well done, he wasnt getting anywhere anyway. So somehow I ended back at her place. I txted Joe the next morning saying I was sorry but he just txted back saying 'it's fine, what did you get up to', I replied, he said 'jokes'.

Now the bit about my gf finding out. She's been wanting to meet my friends (which includes Joe) for ages now and we had planned to go out with them next week. He's been really nice to me since and I'm just wondering whether he's setting me up for a fall and he's going to tell my gf when we go out. He's screwed me over before when drunk. So it all depends on how much I trust him and if it does happen, whether I can convince my gf that he's just a prat and she needs to trust me (when I'm lying ).

And just to complicate things the girl I cheated with has told her whole family, and thinks I am planning to be her full time bf so I have to 'break up' with her. She invited me on a 'mission' tomorrow maybe I'll tell her then.

Sorry about the length of all that but it really helps to get it off my chest. Even though it's at no-one in particular.

At least now I know for sure that Swedish girls have a thing for me

 

[qwerty]

Wow, so many replies.

Rich_L and Chris, I like what you guys have said but I think it's only because that's what I want to hear. In a way I'm protecting the poor girl by bearing all the guilt and horrible feelings myself leaving her blissfully innocent - the only danger is that this 'protection' logic never works if she finds out by another means.

sara, I am very much in love with her, and I was both very drunk and very stupid. It wouldn't be tearing me up so badly if I wasn't this in love - we've got something really special. With your window shopping analogy we use the saying 'you can look at the menu as long as you eat at home'

About the drunkenness of it: Since I've been with my gf (my first proper relationship) I have always been of the view that cheating is easy for girls (they get so many approaches in a club, all they have to do is say yes to one), whereas for guys they actually have to go out of their way to chat up a girl, persuade her they're not a psycho and get her to take them home. Because of this when I go out without my gf I specifically aim to drink sooo much that sex and girls is the last thing on my mind, and even if I wanted to I would just make a complete arse out of myself if I even tried approaching one (not to mention the disaster when we got home ). But this time the girl approached me and the excessive alcohol backfired because I didn't have the sense to realise it was wrong, I just went with it.

 

[qwerty]

Answer this question, I don't think anyone knows what you've done. It seems to appear you ragged her.

 

[qwerty]

Cheating is a bad thing, she doesn't deserve you and if she chooses to stay with you, you are one VERY lucky man, but don't think in the back of her mind she isn't thinking 'what if he does it again'.

That's the problem with all the 'tell her and get it over and done with' posts. Things will NEVER be the same again after I tell her. She'll never forget it, even if I get over it, she'll never trust me out on my own, she'll be able to justify it if she finds herself in the same position.

And piggymon, your post has made me realise how much of a boy I still am (as opposed to a man).

 

[qwerty]

^ My current way of thinking. I got a little too comfortable with random girl at a party the other night, but still felt guilty. Although it made me beg the question, am I going to stay with my current gf for the rest of my life? No.
If I did, would I regret not having had sex with more women? Yes.

I'm beginning to be of this view.

Even my own mum's been telling me i'm getting too settled with my gf, and that i'm only young once