Associate
* Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.
* Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
* The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
* If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.
* Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.
* Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies _the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
* Chuck Norris' blood type is AK+. Ass-Kicking Positive. It is compatible only with heavy construction equipment, tanks, and fighter jets.
* There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
* Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
* The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
* If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
* Chuck Norris was the original sculptor of Mount Rushmore. He completed the entire project using only a bottle opener and a drywall trowel.
* Chuck Norris doesn't say "who's your daddy", because he knows the answer.
* What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
* Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
* Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
* Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
* Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.
* Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. Historians have recorded this as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
* Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
* When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a handgun and a bucket.
* How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.
* Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
* If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.
* Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
* When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
* Chuck Norris originally wrote the first dictionary. The definition for each word is as follows - A swift roundhouse kick to the face.
* Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around.
* Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
* Archeologists unearthed an old English dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck Norris"
* Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
* There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
* Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
* Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
* Simply by pulling on both ends, Chuck Norris can stretch diamonds back into coal.
* When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
* Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks don't really kill people. They wipe out their entire existence from the space-time continuum.
* Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
* Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
* Chuck Norris plays racquetball with a waffle iron and a bowling ball.
* Chuck Norris is the only man who has, literally, beaten the odds. With his fists.
* Chuck Norris likes his ice like he likes his skulls: crushed.
* Chuck Norris doesn’t shave he just kicks himself.
* Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
* Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Chuck Norris glare will liquefy your kidneys.
* Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
* Chuck Norris's version of a "chocolate milkshake" is a raw porterhouse wrapped around ten Hershey bars, and doused in diesel fuel.
* Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Chuck Norris while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.
* Chuck Norris got his drivers license at the age of 16. Seconds.
* Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
* Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.
* The square root of Chuck Norris is pain. Do not try to square Chuck Norris, the result is death.
* To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer? Chuck Norris.
* Chuck Norris has never been in a fight, ever. Do you call one roundhouse kick to the face a fight?
* Chuck Norris eats steak for every single meal. Most times he forgets to kill the cow.
* Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Chuck Norris beats all 3 at the same time.
* Chuck Norris' pulse is measured on the Richter scale.
* Chuck Norris CAN in fact 'raise the roof. And he can do it with one hand.
* Chuck Norris was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost.
* Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.
* Every time someone uses the word "intense", Chuck Norris always replies "you know what else is intense?" followed by a roundhouse kick to the face.
* As an infant, Chuck Norris' parents gave him a toy hammer. He gave the world Stonehenge.
* Most people fear the Reaper. Chuck Norris considers him "a promising Rookie".
* There are only two things that can cut diamonds: other diamonds, and Chuck Norris.
* Chuck Norris once ate four 30lb bowling balls without chewing.
* The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-. These are also Chuck Norris' initials. This is not a coincidence.
* There’s an order to the universe: space, time, Chuck Norris.... Just kidding, Chuck Norris is first.
* Chuck Norris can do a roundhouse kick faster than the speed of light. This means that if you turn on a light switch, you will be dead before the light bulb turns on.
* Chuck Norris has to register every part of his body as a separate lethal weapon. His spleen is considered a concealed weapon in over 50 states.
* Chuck Norris doesn't daydream. He's too busy giving other people nightmares.
* Chuck Norris actually built the stairway to heaven
* Chuck Norris doesn't have blood. He is filled with magma
* Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
* The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
* If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.
* Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.
* Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies _the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
* Chuck Norris' blood type is AK+. Ass-Kicking Positive. It is compatible only with heavy construction equipment, tanks, and fighter jets.
* There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
* Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
* The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
* If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
* Chuck Norris was the original sculptor of Mount Rushmore. He completed the entire project using only a bottle opener and a drywall trowel.
* Chuck Norris doesn't say "who's your daddy", because he knows the answer.
* What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
* Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
* Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
* Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
* Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.
* Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. Historians have recorded this as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
* Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
* When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a handgun and a bucket.
* How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.
* Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
* If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.
* Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
* When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
* Chuck Norris originally wrote the first dictionary. The definition for each word is as follows - A swift roundhouse kick to the face.
* Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around.
* Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
* Archeologists unearthed an old English dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck Norris"
* Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
* There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
* Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
* Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
* Simply by pulling on both ends, Chuck Norris can stretch diamonds back into coal.
* When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
* Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks don't really kill people. They wipe out their entire existence from the space-time continuum.
* Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
* Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
* Chuck Norris plays racquetball with a waffle iron and a bowling ball.
* Chuck Norris is the only man who has, literally, beaten the odds. With his fists.
* Chuck Norris likes his ice like he likes his skulls: crushed.
* Chuck Norris doesn’t shave he just kicks himself.
* Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
* Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Chuck Norris glare will liquefy your kidneys.
* Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
* Chuck Norris's version of a "chocolate milkshake" is a raw porterhouse wrapped around ten Hershey bars, and doused in diesel fuel.
* Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Chuck Norris while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.
* Chuck Norris got his drivers license at the age of 16. Seconds.
* Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
* Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.
* The square root of Chuck Norris is pain. Do not try to square Chuck Norris, the result is death.
* To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer? Chuck Norris.
* Chuck Norris has never been in a fight, ever. Do you call one roundhouse kick to the face a fight?
* Chuck Norris eats steak for every single meal. Most times he forgets to kill the cow.
* Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Chuck Norris beats all 3 at the same time.
* Chuck Norris' pulse is measured on the Richter scale.
* Chuck Norris CAN in fact 'raise the roof. And he can do it with one hand.
* Chuck Norris was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost.
* Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.
* Every time someone uses the word "intense", Chuck Norris always replies "you know what else is intense?" followed by a roundhouse kick to the face.
* As an infant, Chuck Norris' parents gave him a toy hammer. He gave the world Stonehenge.
* Most people fear the Reaper. Chuck Norris considers him "a promising Rookie".
* There are only two things that can cut diamonds: other diamonds, and Chuck Norris.
* Chuck Norris once ate four 30lb bowling balls without chewing.
* The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-. These are also Chuck Norris' initials. This is not a coincidence.
* There’s an order to the universe: space, time, Chuck Norris.... Just kidding, Chuck Norris is first.
* Chuck Norris can do a roundhouse kick faster than the speed of light. This means that if you turn on a light switch, you will be dead before the light bulb turns on.
* Chuck Norris has to register every part of his body as a separate lethal weapon. His spleen is considered a concealed weapon in over 50 states.
* Chuck Norris doesn't daydream. He's too busy giving other people nightmares.
* Chuck Norris actually built the stairway to heaven
* Chuck Norris doesn't have blood. He is filled with magma