Could i get feedback? (college video assignment)

[eyyaz]

Hey guys,

finally got some courage to post this up on OCUK. Anyway just need some feedback on a video i made for college so i can get an evaluation going. Hope to get some mature replies as opposed to comments received in GD.

http://vimeo.com/32852066

Thanks

 

[Raymond Lin]

(I am NOT an expert in video editing but for what it's worth)

It would be better if you don't see the assassin's face at the start or until the end or in fact, at all.

The assassin actually doesn't need any dialogue. The audience knows the target and what he needs to do from the screen he was looking at.

You don't actually need to see him put away the gun, the glimpse of the gun shot from the victim into his bag is enough a clue.

The music doesn't quite suit. You are trying to portrait urgency and secrecy, however, the start should be something mundane, or even happy, as is the state of mind of the victim, since he doesn't know he is about to be killed. Later on, during the chase, you can then speed things up. (do you remember the corridor scene in which Darryl Hannah walks down to inject Uma Thurman with poison in Kill Bill?) Again, at no time you actually need to see the assassin's face. Perhaps a shot of his eye right at the end.

Less is more.

What you get hopefully is the audience forming a bond between the victim but keep the assassin at a distance thus create a mystery and hopefully a sense of fear with that too. By showing his face, the gun and giving him a voice. You have personalised him and bring him down to a common thug rather than an assassin.

 

[Nexus]

It's been eleven years since I was doing a similar level of work in school, but I doubt what examiners are looking for has changed much.

It depends on the brief of course, but most of the time what they are looking for is that you stick to the codes and conventions of a particular genre. So it doesn't matter how cheesy it is, as long as you are showing all the typical cliches and can explain why you have done what you did.

For example, in the case of the Assassin, you would want to show him as the dominant and dangerous figure by having a low camera angle looking up at him and you've just about got that at the end of the film, so you can easily talk that up in any essay you may have to do.

Personally where I think you might get marked down on it though is for a slight lack of imagination and the fact that you were shooting on college property. I know that at degree level, examiners and lecturers massively looked down on anyone who took the easy option and just did something that could easily be found in the University rather than seeking out a subject. Correct me if I'm wrong though if you were supposed to shoot at College or had no choice.

My biggest conflict with your film is probably the use of the title Assassin. Is the guy really an Assassin? It would appear they knew each other, possibly as friends at some stage, so it would appear that it's all over a dispute or revenge.

If he really is an Assassin then it seems a bit odd that they know each other and go to the same college.

Personally I'd drop the Assassin title and come up with some more related to getting back at someone, or incorporating Facebook into it.

 

[eyyaz]

Wow liking the feedback, thanks for all the tips/advice

Had previous comments on the music used. Was more or less my first attempt at making music (ever) and garageband didn't have most of the stuff i was looking for, also just spent a few hours on it when clearly i should have done more.

Great advice though, gonna try remember these for my next video which has to be a film noir.

 

[Russinating]

The problem is the title tells me the whole story.

There's no twist, change or inciting incident, which theoretically there doesn't HAVE to be for a short, but there certainly needs to be something to make people want to keep watching. The title of the film told me everything that happened before I even clicked play so in that respect things don't work.

To add to the above:

- Gun too obvious. I'm no gun expert but that one looks ridiculously big. Also seen way too many times (as if he'd have it out on the desk in a college)
- The music changes are too abrupt and the music is too loud generally
- Acting is awful when he gets stuck at the end of the alleyway. I know you're not actors, in which case work around it so you don't have to act

It may be too late but if I were you, I'd swap the two characters around. Use all the classic cliches above to portray the guy on the Mac as the stalker/murderer. See some kind of handle sticking out the bag. Victim comes in and asks if they're going to meet up or whatever. Victim stabs the 'stalker'. Simple but instant twist. You can figure out the rest .