Many of you, like me, may have at some time or another been in the cub scouts. Others of you may well have beaten up someone who was and stolen their cub scout jumper. Either way, you were almost certainly the recipient of a highly sought-after and equally garish piece of material that showed how much better you were than everyone else in a chosen activity.
Covering three levels of expertise symbolised by the colours red, yellow and green, these so-called 'merit badges' would be proudly displayed on your arm so that your fellow cublets could gaze upon you with wonder and awe. Whether your forté was swimming, running, archery, compassmanship, first aiding, bushcraft, loafing, butchery or the ever popular 'housekeeping', you could be sure there was a merit badge available for it.
The badges themselves were almost always triangular and the logo enscribed thereon was only ever in white and yelow stitching. Unfortunately, despite the huge range of badges one could aim for, I feel that there were activities that were left out. I implore you to help me right these wrongs and give recognition to the unsung activities that you know and love.
Pub Skills - awarded for expertise in all things pub
Red badge requirements: Ability to get to the bar and back without spilling a drop. Some pub trivia must be demonstrated in view of a potential quiz situation. Must be able to successfully enter a conversation about 'the match last night' using a generic comment, despite having not seen it. Knowledge of whether you're allowed to stack coins on the edge of the pool table essential.
Yellow badge: Should be able to remember a list of no less than four drinks and get to the bar and back in one trip. Must demonstrate a fight-avoidance technique, possibly including the lines 'He's not worth it' or 'We've all had a drink'. A request of 'the usual' to the landlord should be met by no other response than his immediate reach for a glass.
Green badge: Upon entering the pub, all clientèle should raise their glass to you and say your name in unison. Your drink will be poured merely by making eye-contact with the landlord and it will be served in a special tankard. You must know the name of the landlord's three-legged dog. Should the situation arise, you may be called upon to man the bar yourself.
The Tony Manero - for mad dancefloor skills
Red badge requirements: Your dance technique must show ascendancy above 'flailing'. Adaptation in moves between songs must be demonstrated. Falling over may result in failure.
Yellow badge: Ability to dance with a drink and not spill any will be rewarded. Innovation is key - knowledge of classic, retro and contemporary moves will earn points, as will moves you think you made up yourself. Treading on toes will be frowned upon.
Green badge: You will have the confidence to enter the dancefloor alone knowing people will follow, apart from the members of the opposite sex rendered unconscious by your thrusting. Whatever track is played, you know the right moves. You ARE the music. You will be dressed all in white.
Here's the template for the badge. Give me some more!
Covering three levels of expertise symbolised by the colours red, yellow and green, these so-called 'merit badges' would be proudly displayed on your arm so that your fellow cublets could gaze upon you with wonder and awe. Whether your forté was swimming, running, archery, compassmanship, first aiding, bushcraft, loafing, butchery or the ever popular 'housekeeping', you could be sure there was a merit badge available for it.
The badges themselves were almost always triangular and the logo enscribed thereon was only ever in white and yelow stitching. Unfortunately, despite the huge range of badges one could aim for, I feel that there were activities that were left out. I implore you to help me right these wrongs and give recognition to the unsung activities that you know and love.
Pub Skills - awarded for expertise in all things pub
Red badge requirements: Ability to get to the bar and back without spilling a drop. Some pub trivia must be demonstrated in view of a potential quiz situation. Must be able to successfully enter a conversation about 'the match last night' using a generic comment, despite having not seen it. Knowledge of whether you're allowed to stack coins on the edge of the pool table essential.
Yellow badge: Should be able to remember a list of no less than four drinks and get to the bar and back in one trip. Must demonstrate a fight-avoidance technique, possibly including the lines 'He's not worth it' or 'We've all had a drink'. A request of 'the usual' to the landlord should be met by no other response than his immediate reach for a glass.
Green badge: Upon entering the pub, all clientèle should raise their glass to you and say your name in unison. Your drink will be poured merely by making eye-contact with the landlord and it will be served in a special tankard. You must know the name of the landlord's three-legged dog. Should the situation arise, you may be called upon to man the bar yourself.
The Tony Manero - for mad dancefloor skills
Red badge requirements: Your dance technique must show ascendancy above 'flailing'. Adaptation in moves between songs must be demonstrated. Falling over may result in failure.
Yellow badge: Ability to dance with a drink and not spill any will be rewarded. Innovation is key - knowledge of classic, retro and contemporary moves will earn points, as will moves you think you made up yourself. Treading on toes will be frowned upon.
Green badge: You will have the confidence to enter the dancefloor alone knowing people will follow, apart from the members of the opposite sex rendered unconscious by your thrusting. Whatever track is played, you know the right moves. You ARE the music. You will be dressed all in white.
Here's the template for the badge. Give me some more!
so much effort too
