Dating - why must it be so hard...

[iv-tecman]

Guess this is more of a get it off my chest and rant etc, but boy I can see why so many stay single. After deciding I didn’t fancy staying single last year or even this year, I proceeded to join an online dating site.

After 8 months of emailing, talking and dating with lots of girls, and acutually thinking I’d found one we both felt that certain spark with, I’m still single. It’s been an emotional rollercoaster, and an epic failure… I’ve had dates with girls that –

Are more man than me
One told me to my face she didn’t like me
Another turned out to a right sulky cow after the second date
I got stood up from one girl, who when txt messaged me a week later asking if I’d still like to go for a drink
Amazingly one girl managed to put on 100lbs from what her profile had told me
One girl cited her career for not wanting to see me anymore..!!

I even had one that turned up with bright red hair, and I mean RED. I thought she was blond, and talked about her love for birds, erm... nothing in common..

Many of them lack the decent manners to email saying thanks, but no thanks when you send them a quick first "hello" email. Many I started to talk with, only for them to stop emailing for no reason given to me – call me old fashioned, but politeness would be nice, something to just say “well I’ve got someone now, or you’re just not coming across as someone I’d like to get to know better”..

After online dating failed, its ironic that in the past few months I’ve been talking to a girl I met at a works function, got my house in order, grew some balls and asked her out. Everything seemed fine. On our last date this weekend, we went bowling. I got lots of signals to say she liked me, comments such as “don’t look at my bum as I throw this bowling ball down” and then stuck it out for me to look, grabbing my arm, wrapping her arms around my neck and planting a quick peck on the lips..!!

Sounds excellent, till the end of the evening, I moved in for a more passionate kiss to which she backed off and just looked like she wanted to slap me… I mean, if you give signals like she was, any male is going to think its game on.!! I’m no rapist, and when a girl plays footsie with you when at the bar and keeps trying to touch you and kissing you in public then I dunno..!! Guess I misread her intentions.

Anyhow, the inevitable conversation followed next day, saying she thinks I’m a nice guy, but not what she’s looking for..!! Hope the next guy is impotent, and is so shy he never makes a move… Must thank her for saying I was good-looking on Saturday, to then going to fairly decent-looking on Sunday. Guess a day can change your sex appeal to someone..!! Never had a problem with girls I’ve kissed in the past, so dunno. Technique must have been a bit ‘off’ that evening..!!

Well suffice to say that’s it, I’m staying single. Save money, saves heartache. What is really odd, is that I now can’t stop thinking about a girl that I’ve only known for a few months and only got passionate with a few times, and ended up getting rejected…

Well, feel better now that’s off my chest. Right, where’s my XBOX360…. lol

The thing is, I really do want to get a gf again, and hopefully get a relationship with someone. Online dating had jaded me, but meeting naturally seems just as bad, even when the spark or eye contact initially seems excellent.....

Anyhow.. sorry everyone, another on of those - single, or relationship issues etc threads again... As I said, just getting it off my chest... single, sucks, but does it?

 

[iv-tecman]

stop trying.

You know that's what I was told by someone else today. Reason I'm just going to just get on with my life, and if something happens, it happens..

Love cannot be found, it finds you - or so I was told by that same person....

Guess what, I'm easy to find, I'm here, I'm waiting..!!

 

[iv-tecman]

classis case of either

1) Boogers
2) Old Spice
3) Trying too hard and whiffing of Eau de Desperation'

As hard is it might be for me to admit this, "Trying too hard and whiffing of Eau de Desperation" might not be too far from the truth...

When I first started, didn't seem to care, eight months down the road, and well it does get to you after a while...

I must say, even though this was a small rant. The responses are helping to strengthen the belief I 'was' trying too hard..!!

Oh and that lynx ad where he turns to chocolate - yummy..!! Not so sure the last one I dated want to eat my behind, might have wanted to rip my arm off to perhaps slap me with me it, so as to protect her finger nails...

 

[iv-tecman]

Well, the replies have lifted my spirits. Must agree, to just give up would mean I'd perhaps just be single for the rest of my life..

I was using match.com. After 8 months, I've pretty much spoken to, attempted to speak to, or dated or been stood up by half the members on there... and now all I see are the same faces everytime I log in..!!

Time to get out more. Sadly, not too many friends that I can hang out with, as they are all coupled off... Its like Six Of One, A Half Dozen Of The Other at times... Online dating or going out, either way I'm not doing too well.

 

[iv-tecman]

Not the best picture as its the only one I've got loaded in my online picture storage.

I've got much darker hair then it shows, and its normally a bit more spiked up when I go on a date or go out. I do wear glasses, as well as contacts. Never turned up for a date wearing shades, unless its sunshine, but I take them off when inside or sat at a table etc...

I've had a lot of comments saying I'm not too bad looking - from girls and not my mom... My teeth are always clean, fresh breath, white and even though I'm not smiling in this picture I do smile a lot - very camera shy..

I'm not overweight, 6.4 tall. I weigh 12.5 stone, do not smoke, drink but not over the top..... I do regular exercise, eat healthy, not picky with my food and I honestly do not believe its me with the problem..!!

Others, please do not Photoshop.!! lol Hope no one I work with sees this.. Erm, hmm... the shame of it all.!!!

 

[iv-tecman]

Cheers. I know its not comfortable for guys to say that guys are good looking, as I’ve said. I've had a lot of comments saying I'm not bad looking. In fact my pictures aren't that good, I look much better in person, one date said she was pleasantly surprised, but still didn't want to progress past a second date..

Bluetonic, I might try another dating site. Still quite jaded, I'm confident, easy going but no push over, and know what I want - its just something I'm not doing or am doing that just means its not working for me.

I dunno… Why must everyone feel a compelling need to be with someone..?? I know, I’m just the same, I lament not having someone to share my life with..

Still, you've all cheered me up, I thank you all for that, if nothing else.

 

[iv-tecman]

Rich_L is a damn Genius

hey, I said no to photoshops..

I've only got black, erm and black tops..!! Shirts, t-shirts, fashion tops in black, some have white motos on them, got a lot of blue jeans.. !! Love wearing black, and blue jeans. Black shoes, or black trainers.

I have some grey sweeters, thin summer type, v necks etc.... Pinstripe black shirts for clubbing etc when I do go.. I've been told I dress smart, even had girls say I look sharp, smell nice and look good..!! Erm... Hmm... Attitude problem?

 

[iv-tecman]

You need Trinny and Susanna. Ok the pic looks very casual but I wouldn't wear that to a date!
maybe grow the hair a bit and get a good style, some smart evening wear and a sun tan may also help.

Oh no I agree. That top is rubbish. Its actually something I wear around the house.. Also, the picture seems to be over exposed, so I look very pale. As I said, my hair is also a much darker blond, its not the best picture....

Dunno about growing the hair out, I must admit I like the ease of keeping short hair. Might speak to the stylist when I'm next having my hair cut...

 

[iv-tecman]

I once signed up to a online dating site. I met a few girls, 2 were weird and the 2 were relatively normal but a sense of desperation floated above their heads, despite the fact they were attractive.

Have you tried speed dating?

No I haven't.. Someone else mentioned it. But does it actually work?

And lol @ James Miller. Not so sure, but funny... Always wondered what I'd look like in red..!!

 

[iv-tecman]

You do get six months free with match.com, I've used the first six months paid, the other two were freebie. TBH, not that inclined to continue, as pointed out by another poster - I'm not in the best frame of mind at the moment to be searching. Bit jaded, so I was planning to leave it a month then I might just try speed dating for a night out...

Wonder if I can talk a mate into joining - just so as I don't turn up on my own....

My post was a bit, erm well, it was a rant. The answers provided have been good, some of them have very been supportive. Thank you.

The link posted to myspace camera tricky are shocking, but I've seen it first hand. Quite shocking, sounds shallow, bit if I'd seen her IRL then I'd have not asked for a date, and I didn't find BBW attractive..

Same as some woman might not like 6ft 4, slightly underweight dark blond men?? Its down to choice, what one finds attractive another doesn't.

 

[iv-tecman]

Ive been single for a year now, and before Christmas I was feeling ready for another relationship, so I joined an online dating site.
So far ive been
*stood up by one bloke
*harassed by a weirdo
*creeped out by a few others
*been out on 2 dates with one bloke, and I thought things were going well, but now hes not replied to my last txt I sent on Friday, and ive had no other contact.

Its easy to say stop trying but im 29 this year, and all my friends are settled down, so I cant "get out there and find someone" so easily because although I love my friends to bits, theyre not interested in that sort of night out.

Im at a loss as to what to do really, chatting to blokes on the site I was on made me realise that I kind of miss having someone around to chat to when ive had a crap day, or to do things with, or have a cuddle (or a regular supply of "hows yer father")

Ah well, sorry for whinging.

Well, I share your pain. You're not really whinging as such, just echoing the same as me really....

I agree though, all my friends have now settled down, or are just starting to settle down. I don't think I've got any single friends, certainly none that I can think would help introduce me to a friend of a friend etc....

As for the 'Matrix' piccy..... awesome. Like it.... lol

 

[iv-tecman]

Online dating is a funny old game - i did it for a few years and had a right laugh, and im great friends with loads of the girls i met, and hooked up with.

... On the other hand, you get bunny boilers on there, and just as much as we are afraid of them, they are also equally worried we could be them as well. You talk about a lot of 'rejections' which suggests your actually trying to move in on these women and scaring them off - quite rightly so!

... Ask yourself what are you doing to make women have to tell you quite outright that they arent interested? Maybe you are trying your hardest to basically jump straight out of being single, into being with someone ... Anyone? If thats the case then you shouldnt be dating anyone ... for now!!

It took me a good 18 months to realise all this!.... then another 18 months living it up once i knew how not to scare women off, and instead have them chasing me!

Actually, reading what you’ve posted is not only just an eye opener, it’s a bloody realisation. I do know I’ve tried ‘to hard’, and I know this has whiffed of a bit of the old desperation. I didn’t know it at the time, if I did, I would have taken measures to stomp it out. However, when I pick myself up and look to enter the dating scene again, I shall be mindful to NOT make the same mistakes.

My first post, as bitter and jaded as it was, nothing like just bashing it out in the open. Nothing worse then just bottling it up, and then not realising I’d gone about it all wrong, and make the same mistakes again.

As much as I hate to admit this, I’m perhaps just as much to blame for failure with this as anyone that I spoke to or had dates with. Now, the ones who blatantly lied in their profiles, out of my control and the weirdo’s etc - well, you will get um. But I do feel that on a couple of occasions I missed a golden opportunity due to the very reasons stated…

 

[iv-tecman]

Great post

I agree - great post RimBlock.

Knip - Well, sadly I'm not in the Bristol area..!! j/k although, judging from the comments on my picture I posted in this thread from some - I'm apparently not that bad looking…!!!! Hmm…

lol

I searched for Speed Dating in the Northants area, seems like you need to talk quick and try and get a lot into the evening as you get 3 mins with up to 18 other woman.!!! Phew, now I can talk for England, but that seems like you could end up with repeating the same stuff 18 times over..!!

As for going out, I'd love to go out. I have soooo many friends but none of them can commit the time to tag along to a pub or something. Its really stupid, but they are all now into relationships, married, kids etc... I need a good drinking buddy, but I had these - what happened? They found girlfriends..!!

My match.com profile was apparently well written, I had it vetted by friends and even members on match.com that ‘did’ email me commented on how well laid out and well written it was. My first emails always focused on a section of their profile, to show I’d read it, and took the time to personal an email to them.

As I say, I’m going to take a break for a month or so, pick myself up again, get some positive attitude, and try again. Thankfully, after this post I think I’m better educated on how to handle the whole dating game….

 

[iv-tecman]

Yeah well, at least as a married person you are used to having someone around...

I think after being single long enough, you "stink" of being single...

Or worse yet mate.... Come of as totally desperate and scare all woman who 'might' show some interest running for the hills..!!

Least I've got my dogs (four legged kind) to come home to, so not totally lonely..!!

 

[iv-tecman]

You sound very boring, that's probably why. What makes you stand out from other people?

Oooh I dunno. I'm not that bloody boring..!! Been know to have moments of intriguing someone.. I'm just a normal guy I guess. Like the same as most, but I do like trying new things...

If someone says to me, lets try this, I'll have a go... I'm not overly sporty, I like motorsports, and yeah thats perhaps dull, but dining out, cinema, walks down by canals, or adventuring the great outdoors, to silly stuff like theme parks or even indoor skiing that I tried last year, and nearly broke my legs..!!! haha

Regular bowler, erm yeah I'm in the local bowling team, erm not much chance of picking up woman from this though, but when i go bowling as a date, I DO let them win, without making it obvious..!!

Honestly, I'm not boring, I will do anything - as long as its legal. I cook really well, love cooking good food, movies, play guitar, and I'm not too bad at times... Was in a band till my job took over... Hmm..

Lists

Holidays
Walking /hiking
Cinema, Music
Play instruments
Computers, Games
Bowling
Motorsports

If I'm game, I'll give it a go.... Dunno, I do not sit at home all day, waiting for something to happen, I do go out. I'm considering a singles holiday this year... Could be good for a laugh... Its just that I tend to do all this on my own, and in the evenings going to a pub or something means I end up round a mates house on the sofa watching a DVD as their gf or whatever wants them home..!! Sucks I guess.. New friends needed???

And, even though it might not have come across, I'm witty at times, and got a good sense of humour... Now, all of you, keep your oh yeah..!! comments held back.. Honestly, I do laugh and smile, do not let that crummy picture fool you all...!!!

 

[iv-tecman]

Right, before and after...

Before -

And, after getting my hair re-styled, and re-coloured, and put some better clothes on... I've get much better jeans, so these aren't the best pictures I guess, but I reckon it has to be an improvement....

After

And, see I can smile... Erm... Actually, this picture was caught off guard.. Shame it wasn't totally in focus -

Another one, nearly got a more natural smile out of me..

I've had a lot of comments today saying my hair wasn't bad before, but this looks much better..??? Tell the truth, I wasn't sure I liked it, still.... Fresh new look has made me feel a little better about myself... Gotta count for something to dig myself out of feeling bad and nearly depressed....

Comments, and I await the photo-shopping... Sorry for dragging this old thread up, didn't want to start a new thread, as it might not have made a lot of sense...

 

[iv-tecman]

What music do you like?

Erm... Foo Fighters, Feeder, Stereophonics, Editors, Kaiser Chiefs, Red Hot Chilli Peppers.. If I'm feeling in the mood for something a bit heavier, perhaps Disturbed, or Metallica, perhaps a bit of Machine head..!!! Hmm. Like the off spring Em, but then I've been known to listen to some dance music, even got some classical if the mood warrants it..

Honestly, I listen to anything apart from really cheesy pop, such as pop idol etc... Oh and this latest emo rubbish, is it my chemical romance..?? Dreadful..

Why? Important for the old image??

 

[iv-tecman]

Hmmm i reckon you should wear a leather trench coat, sunglasses and get the 2 peircings David Draiman has from Disturbed! Put the photos up and i bet you will look bad ass and get some dirty *****!

Erm.... lol no. I haven't had my ears pierced since my teens - took them out years ago, and that was only my ears, not a chance I'd have any other part of my body pierced..... And I don't like leather coats, but I do like sunglasses...

Thanks for the suggestions though... Dirty ****, well hmm... I'd like to get a nice girl that likes me for what I am, and not some rock dude from a heavy metal band..