Death.

Danthus · 18 Apr 2011 at 13:02

Why do people, when talking about death, talk in terms of lost, passed away and fell asleep etc? This even extends to the actual headstones in the cemetery.

I have always found it puzzling to be honest, do people do it because they struggle to deal with death or is a merely a phraseology?

Danthus · 18 Apr 2011 at 13:05

Biohazard said:
It is sensitivity.

Why is it insensitive to say died, after all that is what has happened.

Danthus · 18 Apr 2011 at 13:06

Robbie G said:
Let's be honest, death's not the greatest thing about life (well, not for most people anyway).

But is one of the absolute things in life, why not death with it for what it is?

Danthus · 18 Apr 2011 at 13:08

Biohazard said:
Yes and would you walk up to a rape victim and say 'you just got raped' how you doing??

It is about saying the appropriate thing in light of the persons feelings. Being abrupt can cause upset.

Are you a sociopath?

Would I be out of order if I said to someone, I am sorry your mother/father/sister has died?

Danthus · 18 Apr 2011 at 13:09

Lysander said:
Because all these terms are accurate ways to describe death.

How is fell asleep accurate?

Danthus · 18 Apr 2011 at 13:10

Biohazard said:
No.

Although if it is just after it, the words may not help. But, no.

That is my point, you can be respectful and say died.

Danthus · 18 Apr 2011 at 13:11

Lysander said:
Yes, you would. You need to soften the blow. Surely you know this? Yes, it's a statement of fact, but so is saying someone's old/fat/ugly. You don't say it to their face.

OK, I'll admit 'fell asleep' is one I haven't heard before. And it sounds daft to me. Passed away/passed on/lost make sense though.

Why do you need to soften the blow?

Danthus · 18 Apr 2011 at 13:14

simulatorman said:
If you can't work that one out you never will. Troll much?

I am not trolling, I would not be offending in the slightest if someone said to me, I am sorry your father/mother has died.

I would find it strange if someone said sorry for your loss as I haven't lost anyone, can you lose a person, for me you lose objects.

Danthus · 18 Apr 2011 at 13:15

Lysander said:
Because having someone close to you die is a massive bereavement and shock. You have to show empathy.

This is really KS1-level common sense. I'm not going to go into it. This is tantamount to trolling.

Do you not think though that we do not deal with death and tend to skirt around the issue?

Danthus · 18 Apr 2011 at 13:18

simulatorman said:
Indeed they do. The getting over part is the hard bit.

And does it make it easier by saying things like passed away, fell asleep and lost?

I think that just prolongs the grief.

Danthus · 18 Apr 2011 at 13:19

Lysander said:
I don't. I am fascinated by death. I even have a massive collection of cemetery photographs.

And no, I don't think people tend to skirt round the issue. What do you want to do, rub it in their faces?

There are plenty of threads on here where people have posted about a death close to them, I have never been disrespectful to any of them.

Danthus · 18 Apr 2011 at 13:24

Castiel said:
For me, it is simply about phrasing an unpleasant event and the emotional turmoil that accompanies it in softer and less final language.

But death is final, correct me if I am wrong but if you go back thousands of years deaths were celebrated events?