Depression

[AHarvey]

Hi,

Just wondering if anyone here has ever been diagnosed with depression?

If so, what was your life like before and after treatment and what was it that finally made you go see a doctor about it?

Not after medical advice here just interested in peoples personal experiences

 

[AHarvey]

I didn't think i'd get so many decent replies, thanks

As you may of guessed I am having a rough time of it and that was the reason for my post, however its 3 weeks before I can get in to my doctors. Have tempted to go join BUPA before I even mention being depressed just to see if I get a better service.

I've been thinking for a while that something isn't right. Its as though I've got this big grey cloud in my head and it is just smothering all my emotions, although anger seems readily available.

I've got a house, an amazing girl who i've been with since we were both 15, now 27, and we are getting married in May. The plan was to get married, get the wedding all paid off and start having a family. I recently told her that I don't want kids and its killed us both, her because her dream future has gone and me because of how hurt she is. There are 3 reasons for not wanting kids, I want to do more things with my life (despite doing nothing cuz I can't be bothered), the cost and more importantly, I am honestly scared that I just won't have any feelings for this child!

When I go to work I feel nothing, I just get one with the job but when I am at home I just have no motivation, hell, the xmas tree from last year still needs cutting up and burning I loose my temper far too quickly with my other half, it scares her and I can't blame her, I did break my hand last year punching a wall in anger. Withthings like the Twin Towers and the Tsunami I just shrugged my shoulders and went "**** happens!" yet I can watch a program about a female cop in america that got shot 7 times and I end up in tears! I am just really confused by it all!

My dad, who I no longer speak to, has problems. Suicide attempts, wife beating, trouble with the police and in and out of mental health facilities. I have no idea what is wrong with him though.

Like I said, its all very confusing to me. Thanks for listening/reading

 

[AHarvey]

Secondly, wtf does your signature mean? are you referring in any way to OcUK member [TW]Fox (I think that's his name)?

I would imagine it refers to Foxs ability to always think of himself as above others and to try and constantly drop hints about just how good he/his life is.

one tip for dealing with anger is when you feel it just take deep breaths and try to think about what punching the wall or your angry actions would achieve, aka nothing.and also if possible see it from the perspective of your OH.

in the end you just wont get angry, or when you do it will be controlled and beneficial to yourself. Worked for my father and worked for me.

Yeah, I no longer punch things after breaking my hand,oh, and losing a £40 glass mouse mat after smacking my hand in to it.

But I can fel the anger swell inside, to the point where I just want to smash the crap out of everything. I don't though, I can control it but it dfoesn't help that the other half will just keep going on and not let me calm down first. Keep meaning to start martial arts again as this used to really help when I was a teenager, but again, its one of things I've been meaning to do for 6 months but just never get round too!

 

[AHarvey]

No it isn't.

If you've experienced something better before, there is something better elsewhere.

If you haven't, you don't know any better anyway.

I take it you've never been depressed? It was a very good analagy.

It was about feelings, that is how depression makes you feel. Most people would look at my life and be quite jealous. I've an amazing girlfriend, a house, a wedding coming up etc, I know I have a great life but the problem is that I don't feel that way.

Some days I am fine, the majority of the time I really would care if I got hit by a bus on the way to work just to see if I could feel something.

It is just very hard to explain to someone that has never experienced it. It is as if a great big grey fog cloud has come down on you and stiffled every feeling you have.