Dire Jokes thread.......

Thorien

Thorien

Thorien

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11 Jul 2007
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Location
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Ok after the dire van gogh joke and the pretty bad benefits one, I reckon we should have a thread for all Dire jokes.

Here's mine, Feel free to add your own....

Three mice were sitting at a bar talking about how tough they
were.

The first mouse slams a shot and says, "I play with mouse traps
for fun. I'll run into one on purpose and as it is closing on me,
I grab the bar and bench press it 20 to 30 times." And, with that,
he slams another shot.

The second mouse slams a shot and says, "That's nothing. I take
those poison bait tablets, cut them up, and snort them, just for
the fun of it." And, with that, he slams another shot.

The third mouse slams a shot, gets up, and walks away.
The first two mice look at each other, then turn to the third
mouse and ask, "Where the hell are you going?"

The third mouse stops and replies, "I'm going home to screw the
cat."


:eek:
 
Here's another:

One day, a man walked into a bar. He say's to the bartender, "If I
show you the most amazing thing in your life, will you give me
five free beers?"

The bartender says, "Show me this amazing thing first."

So the man takes out a 10 inch man and a tiny piano.

The 10 inch man starts playing the piano. The bartender scratches
his head and says, "Wow, that is amazing. Here are your five
beers. How did you do that?"

"There is a magic lamp outside. Rub it and a genie comes out and
will grant you one wish."

So the bartender goes outside, finds the lamp, and rubs it. Then
the genie comes out and says "I am the genie of this lamp. I will
grant one wish. Choose carefully."

"I want 10,000,000 bucks." As soon as he made his wish, 10,000,000
ducks came out of nowhere.

The bartender goes back into the bar.

"Boy" he says to the man, "that genie sure does have bad hearing."

The man answers: "I know, did you really think I asked for a 10
inch pianist?"

:D
 
7 kinds of Sex

1-Smurf Sex
When u first meet someone & u make love until ** blue in the face.U also get smaller because u would rather have sex than eat.

2-Kitchen Sex
When u haven't been with ** partner for long & ** so horny u'll have sex anywhere, even in the
kitchen.

3-Bedroom Sex
When u have been with ** partner for a long time.** sex is now routine & u usually have sex only in ** bedroom.

4-Hallway Sex
When u have been with ** partner for too long.When u pass each other in the hallway u both say "screw u".

5-Religious Sex
U get Nun in the morning, Nun in the Afternoon & Nun at night.(Very Popular)

6-Courtroom Sex
When u can't stand ** wife any more.She takes u to court & screws u in front of every1.

7-Social Security Sex
u get a little each month. But not enough to live on.
 
An Apache Indian With One Testicle.

There once was an Apache Indian whose given name was "Onestone". So named because he had only one testicle. He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.

After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said, "If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!" The word got around and nobody called him that any more.

Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, "Good morning, Onestone." He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all
night. He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion

The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do. Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village
after being away for many years.

Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him and said, "Good to see you, Onestone."

Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the next day, made love to her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die!

So, what is the moral of this story?

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... (You're going to love this!)

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And the moral is...

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...You can't kill two birds with one stone!!!
 
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