Does love find you or do you find love?

Primarily - Love finds you

But if you're a hermit living behind closed doors it makes things more difficult so get out there and be yourself, don't force trying to find it
 
If we're talking romantic love then it's a bit of both but more to the point it's something you've gotta build with another person.

Like when people claim they've found "the one", despite there being a few billion people on the planet, they're not necessarily wrong - there are many potential partners out there but it's more that after spending some time with someone and building that connection or that bond that you really have something and once that's happened then it's completely understandable to say you've found the one.
 
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d_brennen said:
If you don't love yourself, how is anyone else going to get on?
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Depends how you look at it. Its true that people who don't like themselves will find it very difficult to find a partner, because someone who is self loathing is generally unattractive in their nature.

However on the other end of the spectrum, some people love themselves so much they have turned into narcissist and you want to stay away from them at all costs too.
 
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Well.,..
Love is surely a reciprocal emotional response created by humans to enable a stable bond between a male and a female to have offspring and this increase its chance or survival. Then to love that offspring, with or without regular slipper incidents, to raise it until it can watch a manga and play Pokémon on its own. (Late 20s possibly 30s)

Because we are clever monkeys we started writing about it and making songs and finally even films about how wonderful it is to exist and be on love.ä

Even the "gay" people want to be in love and have the reciprocal feeling and childhood feelings of love and protection and the Existential slipper attacks.

Love often is confused with the feelings you get from rubbing your genitalia on or in things, sometimes with another real person if you swipe right enough, but usually technically with a Nvidia rtx5090 and soul crushingly emotionally isolated and forever alone.

So class in conclusion. Technically love does find you assuming we are all always looking for it, but another must also find you and both of you must eventually acknowledge it to progress the game the trick is to never use chloroform, because that's walking a fine line between love and what a lot of courts and juries now say is very naughty.

This is my personal experience and I have the scars and restraining orders to prove it.
Emotional scars but mostly slipper sized on my butt.

Something to think about for homework.
Can lower animal species experience love as we define it? Can ducks hit their eggs with tiny slippers.? Do duck slippers look like fluffy webbed feet?
Does "quack" mean I love you?

Nurse just brought my meds gotta go. Toodles
 
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Those moments where someone takes a fleeting mags post and answers it in an overly considered manner :o

I believe that ‘you find love’ assuming we’re talking about (for lack of better words) ‘romantic love’ with a partner.

Most of us immediately think of love as a ‘feeling’ or ‘emotional state’ towards another… which is true but also a little ‘narrow’. If we limit it to this, you can experience intense feelings of need / drunken love by looking at a photograph of a beautiful person or (with reference to what another said above) imagining rubbing your genitalia all over someone. The ‘object of desire’ is fulfilling a need… and potentially creating that need.

^^^ IMO this sort of thing is just having a relationship with yourself. It’s entirely what is experienced by YOU in isolation. That’s not to say that it’s meaningless, but it’s not really that different from wanting food and eating it.

For many of us, something that immediately compelling (i.e. beautiful), then ‘getting it’, can be enough. If you can live your life that way and you want to - with one partner or many - then more power to you.

I have no idea how anyone else experiences things, but I personally find that life is not just looking at pretty photographs or having sex all the time. We all have to navigate the mundanities of life and the mere idea of finding anyone else - with their own sets of desires, requirements and tolerances - to navigate this with for a long time, potentially until death, is really quite daunting (at least to me)… in the context of anyone being able to achieve instant repeatable drunken ‘desire / satiation’ by looking at a photograph or similarly fantasising in isolation.

A long time ago, someone older than me told me “love is actually a choice”. I dismissed this for years but the older I’ve got, the more I’ve tuned into what he was getting at. There is no right or wrong way to live a life, but committing to someone else (with all of their own problems, flaws and emotions to navigate) - beyond repeating the most trivial of loops of lustful want and satiation - requires commitment, work, loyalty and even courage. This is then a loving relationship with each other that you experience together, which you are both responsible for and contribute to.

There are times where you can have doubts and it may (in difficult moments) be as compelling to leave as it is to stay. All of those conflicting internal voices are neither good or bad… they are just different friends trying to look out for you. All you can do is listen, reflect and then make your choices.

In which case, if you are choosing to stay with and love someone, then you are ‘finding your love’ that you share with another, rather than bumbling along and into merely experiencing something that has found you.

Just some ideas. Regardless, trust me on the sunscreen.
 
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Love is about mutual respect and meeting of minds and hearts.

Therefore, it is not possible to find or to be found, but an inherent mix of both, where you are open and they recieve, but where you also recieve them and their uniqueness.

(This assuming romantic love, but the other forms of love follow the same pattern roughly)
 
I'm not sure if 'find love' is interchangeable with 'met girl I dated' but that's how I'm interpreting it.

1. [found me] met at school, sat next to each other due to alphabetical surnames
2. [found me] met on plane, I swapped seats so someone could sit next to their friend and I ended up next to her, basically just a holiday romance tho
3. [I found] I approached her at uni freshers (I got sick of being single and decided to be a lot more forward), dated her a year ish
4. [I found] Asked out a random girl I'd seen around and liked the look of, she moved away for career rip (the one imo)
5. [I found] Asked out another random girl I'd seen around and liked the look of, I moved away for career rip (not a big loss tho tbh)

Had other bits and bobs but not worth writing home about. Now I'm in 'basically given up trying' mode, have been for 10+ years. I don't really need someone so I'm not motivated to do anything about it.
 
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I think it bumps into you simply because for some reason you have a mutual focus and ease of communicating.

When I was a youngster I had the body of a greek god (thanks to uni then keeping fit into the 30s. Seeked it all, but left me missing something.

I think there’s been a few times when it just came a-knocking out of the blue:
* an indian woman (slim and tall, very well spoken english on a business trip) whilst we were waiting for hotel transfer in qatar due to a storm diversion delay missing the interconnect. It just seemed all very natural, but being qatar she got bussed to a lower grade hotel and I got put up somewhere nice (business class).
* a tall slim nordic lady in the airport queue going snowboarding, we just seemed to click, and it felt very natural. A couple of rows back my mates (male & female) cheered and yelled out “we’ve not even left the airport and he’s pulled”. Thanks chaps..
* a different time, i just came out of the naked sauna (sports hotel strauss) after snowboarding. A woman and her friend left after food (mine had just arrived), there was lots of smiles and as her friend past, she followed but seemed to loose the plot like she was giddy and flushed, she turned and walked towards us, then back and then again towards and back. She gave a massive grin and exited the door of the bar. My mate said “I think you’ve pulled - I’d get on after her”. Then my burger arrived and all was lost.
* got invited to a party at a mate's mate, took the current girlfriend along (no real mental click but with 36GG she's also the reason I'm not hung up on big boobs), the gf wanted a bit of private action on the washing machine. The gf didn't see it but the host's mrs saw us and gave a great big smile. Bumped into the hostess in down a few weeks later, she was chatting and touching my arm saying I should drop by (ie flirt). She was polish and we had a natural attraction but she was step mum to a his kids and it felt she wanted to move on.

I’ve asked out plenty but it’s all not felt right and didn’t have that vibe of effortless. After a while it felt more like forcing the issue.
My mrs now is a find, we work at getting on and for the most part we work well, bit of a compromise in interests but we talk well and get on. She finds it amusing that given my family’s erudite and cold nature, I’m tactile and very different yet very independent. Yet she's not tall, she not slim, she's bright and organised. Don't know why but it works, and she doesn't know why I find her attractive so we've never been able to answer that question.

So I think it starts with just finding that common ground, and that can be oddly non-verbal that then translates into that first sentence where you just kick it off.
 
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mrk said:
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I called my self Haddaway in world of warships and every game I would say "what is love" you'd always get people in chat saying "baby don't hurt me" "don't hurt me" "no more"

It's crazy how many people know that song, it's a proper banger though
 
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