End of relationships - How do you eat yours

wannabedamned

wannabedamned

wannabedamned

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Right well I've never had a girl break up with me really, I've either broken up with them, or we've sort mutually got bored with the relationship and gone out separate ways, while staying friends usually.

Neither of these have dropped me into a fit of depression. I'm usually sad/gutted. But some people, I've noticed they pretty much go into the fetal position both mentally and physically.

I bring this up, because I've just been speaking to a friend who has just had her boyfriend walk out on her. And she's just said the words "If I hadn't got a baby, I'd probably not be talking to you right now" I just replied "Well thank God you've got a baby" i actually said the babies name, in-order to personalize the sentiment, and make it hit home harder.(She said baby) But I'm not sharing any specifics with you guys :p

Anyways, My point is... The end of her relationship made her think about suicide!?!? Thats pretty damn scary.

I just wondered how you guys see the ends of relationships, and whether you see them as darkly as my friend does, or do you see them more how I do. 'Yeah it sucks, But onwards to the next one' maybe not quite that easy :p I do get heartache, but its not so damaging I cant eat!

I mean for the record, I split with a girl after seeing her for 6 years, and that one was a little harder to get over, some tears, but that was one of the mutual separations. And it was more being upset about what had gone wrong and missing things about her. But even that, Not for 1 second did I think about suicide. If anything it spurred me on to better myself.

I just wondered what peoples thoughts were
 
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I've only ever had "serious" relationships. I have never ended a relationship, it has always been the other way around.

I'm the sort of person that will go down with the ship, kicking, screaming, trying to fix it, while the other walks away. Hell, half of the time I'll come back and try to float the bloody thing - the situation I find myself in currently.

For these reasons a relationship coming to a close is an extremely dark time for me. I put a huge amount of myself into being with someone, so when that ends it's like a piece of you is just gone. It's a very, very dangerous feeling.
 
Personally i take break ups pretty well, stuff happens and we just gotta live with it. Tend to let other party do the work :D
 
Zefan said:
For these reasons a relationship coming to a close is an extremely dark time for me. I put a huge amount of myself into being with someone, so when that ends it's like a piece of you is just gone. It's a very, very dangerous feeling.
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I think that's it really, the more you put in, the more you lose when it's over, hence the dark feelings. If you don't put much in and you pretty much live your normal life with the other person hanging on, then you pretty much just carry on as normal after a split.
 
She was not actually thinking about killing herself, she was being over dramatic.

She is also dumb.

The best way to deal with a breakup is to sever.
 
hurfdurf said:
She was not actually thinking about killing herself, she was being over dramatic.

She is also dumb.

The best way to deal with a breakup is to sever.
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You don't mince your words do you.

You dont know the girl in question, I've not given you enough details to form the first conclusion, However the second conclusion can be reached by the first.

As for the severing, Depends on the relationships end. I've got ex's who are friends, Good friends. if I'd severed I'd not have them as good friends. Which would be a loss.

Then again, if severing is your way of dealing, fair enough :) we all have our ways
 
With regards to how much you put into a relationship, I'm sure its my all. Probably too quickly too, Doesn't take long before I'm attached to a girl. I just dont get as dark as some others when it gets to the end. its scary how dark it can get, worryingly so
 
wannabedamned said:
You don't mince your words do you.

You dont know the girl in question, I've not given you enough details to form the first conclusion, However the second conclusion can be reached by the first.

As for the severing, Depends on the relationships end. I've got ex's who are friends, Good friends. if I'd severed I'd not have them as good friends. Which would be a loss.

Then again, if severing is your way of dealing, fair enough :) we all have our ways
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I know that someone who tells people they would have killed themselves if not for their child because they had been dumped is both lying and belittling people who are genuinely suicidal because of real problems.

This makes them dumb.

I don't like to be friends with my ex's, they are normally very upset at being dumped and I don't like to rub it in their faces.
 
For me it depends on the break up. If it's amicable you could still speak to each other as friends though I doubt I would go as far as meeting up with them again, I don't think I could handle it. If it ends because they've cheated on you or something then I'd just sever all ties and get on with life, they aren't going to lose any sleep over it so neither would I.
 
I fall apart and end up making it much much worse than it needs to be. Attachment, trust and dependancy issues.
 
Cut her, all her friends, and certains places/parts of town out of my life and then after a while I find I am just left with the odd good memory that surfaces now and then.
 
For my first love when things started to go badly I tried and struggled to keep it going, but she had already made her mind up about it being better we split as I was going to University and she didn't want me going there and dumping her if I met some one else. (She had lots of silly ideas about this, she listened to her stupid friend about her experiences with her ex boyfriend who is totally different to me) Any way, im glad it ended she was thicker than a 4 inch post.

After that and I saw what it had done to me I decided that if it were to end I'd take the better road. See it has ended, agree to be friends while letting them know I think its a mistake but get on with life. I know for a fact there is no point chasing a girl who doesn't want to be with you for whatever reasons she may have, usually silly reasons. My recent gf ended things because some one called her a **** over facebook and she let that get to her, and her being a bit busy at work and me finishing Uni just some how she managed to scramble her brain over. One day it was 'I love you, you're the best boyfriend I've ever had..' 3 days later 'I can't do this any more'... And I followed my path as best as I could, spoke a bit and she still ended up deleting me and blocking me from her life for no reason at all. Her loss... Already seeing a new girl who actually seems to be a hell of a lot more decent, if not as good looking as my ex but I know she wont be the kind of girl who constantly seeks attention from 20 + blokes like my ex.

From my experience, and helping a lot of my friends both male and female the best way to deal with any break up no matter how mutual is to just cut them off for a matter of time. Then when you are ready, become their friend again. Ofcourse if it ended on bad terms this may never be, but if mutual / just timing issues then there is no reason two people who were so close couldn't be friends. I am friends with all of my ex's apart from the recent one from 2 monthsish ago, but thats her choice.
 
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Zefan said:
I've only ever had "serious" relationships. I have never ended a relationship, it has always been the other way around.

I'm the sort of person that will go down with the ship, kicking, screaming, trying to fix it, while the other walks away. Hell, half of the time I'll come back and try to float the bloody thing - the situation I find myself in currently.

For these reasons a relationship coming to a close is an extremely dark time for me. I put a huge amount of myself into being with someone, so when that ends it's like a piece of you is just gone. It's a very, very dangerous feeling.
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Well said, that pretty much sums up me in failing relationships.

I would say I've had maybe 4 serious relationships over the years (hopefully this ones the last!!) but the one before this was the most destructive.

We split up and got back together many times, mostly because of me desperate to make it work and eventually my first son was in the middle of it (another story entirely!) but she totally destroyed me. Oddly when we last split up, after the initial grieving period I didn't take anywhere near as much time to get over her and got a sense of relief from being free again. Something I'd never previously had when we split up.
 
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