End of year jokes

Usher

Usher

Usher

Soldato
Joined
30 Dec 2004
Posts
3,426
Location
Worcestershire
Get your Xmas cracker jokes & put them here :p

Man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder.
The barmaid looks at the creature and asks the man what he calls it.

'Tiny', answers Mike.
'Why's that?' enquires the barmaid.
'Because he's my newt' concludes Mike.
............

How many ears has Captain Kirk got?

Three: the left ear, the right ear, and the final front ear.

............

When is a boat like a pile of snow?
When it's adrift.

............

Why are women's breasts like a train set a kid gets at Christmas time ?

Because they were originally made for children but the father wants to play with them.


Last one.

What did Adam say on the day before Christmas ?
It's Christmas, Eve
 
◦What's the Internet's favorite animal?
◦The lynx.



◦What did the green grape say to the purple grape?
◦Breathe, idiot! BREATHE!


◦Who can shave 25 times a day and still have a beard?
◦A barber.


◦What did one penny say to the other?
◦without you, I don’t make cents."


◦Why did everyone laugh at the rabbit?
◦Because it was bunny.



/ closes door
 
Last edited:
Usher said:
Why are women's breasts like a train set a kid gets at Christmas time ?

Because they were originally made for children but the father wants to play with them.
Click to expand...

Some more rude ones:

............

Q: what did the whale do to the sunken submarine:
A: it sucked all of the seamen out of it.

............

Q: what does sex and a bank have in common?
A: when you withdraw, you lose interest.

............

Q: what does sex and the card game "bridge" have in common?
A: if you don't have a good partner, you need a good hand!

............

Mary had a little lamb
And tied it to a pylon
2000 volts went up its ass
And turned its balls to nylon
 
You want bad, so bad it is....

Paddy: "Christmas is on Friday this year"

Mick: "Let's hope it's not the 13th then."
/thread
 
Paddy and Mick were walking along a street in London.

Paddy looked in one of the shop windows and saw a sign that caught his eye.

The sign read, "Suits £5.00 each, Shirts £2.00 each, Trousers £2.50 per pair".

Paddy said to his pal, "Mick look at the prices!
We could buy a whole lot of those and when we get back to Ireland we could
make a fortune. Now when we go in you stay quiet, okay? Let me do all da
talking 'cause if they hear our accents, they might think we're thicko's
from Ireland and try to screw us. I'll put on me best English accent."

"Roight y'are Paddy. I'll keep me mouth shut, and you do all da business" said Mick.

They go in and Paddy said in a posh voice, "Hello my good man. I'll take
50 suits at £5.00 each, 100 shirts at £2.00 each, and 50 pairs of trousers at
£2.50 each. I'll back up me truck ready to load 'em on, so I will."

The owner of the shop said quietly, "You're from Ireland, aren't you?"

"Well yes," said a surprised Paddy. "What gave it away?"

The owner replied, "This is a dry-cleaners."
 
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