Favourite Classic Jokes

A blonde girl and a brunette girl are working in an office. Their colleague Johnny walks in looking upset. The brunette says to the blonde
"Johnny's got really bad dandruff, we should give him head and shoulders"
"Yeah, that'd cheer him up, but how do you give him shoulders?"

:D
 
An Englishman, a Scotsman, a Welshman and an Irishman were discussing their sons names.

The Englishman proudly announces "I called my son George after the patron saint of England"
The Scotsmans says "That's funny because I also called my son after our patron saint, Andrew"
The Welshman agrees "Of course, I am also proud of my country and our patron saint so I called my son David" They all look at the irishman and ask: "What about you?"





"I called my son Pancake"


:p
 
2 ladies of the night standing in a doorway, one says to the other we are going to score some **** tonight i can smell it on the air.


the other one says 'i'm sorry i've just burped'
 
AJUK said:
An Englishman, a Scotsman, a Welshman and an Irishman were discussing their sons names.

The Englishman proudly announces "I called my son George after the patron saint of England"
The Scotsmans says "That's funny because I also called my son after our patron saint, Andrew"
The Welshman agrees "Of course, I am also proud of my country and our patron saint so I called my son David" They all look at the irishman and ask: "What about you?"





"I called my son Pancake"


:p
Click to expand...
Surely that joke hinges on you mentioning their sons were born on St Georges, St Andrews and St Davids day respectively?
 
Don't panic, but I'm in hospital!

I ended-up poisoning myself by eating what I thought I was an onion - turns out it was a daffodil bulb.

Never mind - doctors say I should be out in spring.
 
What did the blonde's left thigh say to her right?
Nothing. They never met.




(Mods: Please delete if deemed too rude) :)
 
Muslim woman with a ruksak on the back walks in to her husband and aske's " dose my bomb look big in this ?"

Note : befor anyone calls me a racist i was told that joke by my friend iqbal ;)
 
Two Indian men land at Heathrow Airport ready to start their new lives. Before they part their seperate ways they agree to meet up in two years time to see which one of them has become the most "English".

Two years later they meet up and the first guy says "I go to the pub every night, I watch the football every Saturday, I cut the grass on Sunday and I have a boring office job. Clearly you can't get any more English than that! How about you my old friend?"

"Go home you ****!"

:p
 
Tru said:
Surely that joke hinges on you mentioning their sons were born on St Georges, St Andrews and St Davids day respectively?
Click to expand...

It makes sense now, thank you :D

Edit:

King Harold II's last words: "Careful! You'll put somebody's eye out with that".
 
Last edited:
AJUK said:
An Englishman, a Scotsman, a Welshman and an Irishman were discussing their sons names.

The Englishman proudly announces "I called my son George after the patron saint of England"
The Scotsmans says "That's funny because I also called my son after our patron saint, Andrew"
The Welshman agrees "Of course, I am also proud of my country and our patron saint so I called my son David" They all look at the irishman and ask: "What about you?"
"I called my son Pancake"


:p
Click to expand...

I don't get it :confused:
 
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