Feeling down but no idea why?

[Phaser]

Just wondering if anyone else is feeling/has felt like this..

For the past say 6 months i've found myself changing into a different person. I feel quite anxious, paranoid and insecure. I'm an 19 year old male with a beautiful girlfriend, I get on well with both my parents although they're split up and my Mum lives elsewhere. I'm careful with my wages so I usually have some money to treat myself, put towards holidays etc - I'm just not happy. I feel so alone and i've no idea why?

A month ago I split up with my girlfriend of over 2 years as I thought it was her who was dragging me down and making me unhappy. I thought that perhaps we'd come to an end and that it was time to move on. She was devestated, but I remained with this thought of mind till around 2 weeks after when I started to realise that she wasn't the problem, and that I really did love her I looked at other girls and I just knew deep down that what I had was perfect for me and that no-one else could match her. It took a lot of talking on my part as she was really hurt but we managed to sort it out and we got back together. We're taking things slow but i'm happy that i've got her back in my life. In a way i'm glad we split up as I think it gave me a boost to show me what I had and how lucky I was. We've since spent the weekend together which was really special, long baths, cuddling up in front of the tele etc.

I got to work this morning and I just had a sudden wave of emptiness. I put it down to missing my girlfriend after being with her all weekend but I just feel totally unhappy. I've no idea whats making me feel this way. I've started doing more exercise, jogging every night and doing weights, and eating more healthily to try and feel a bit more energetic etc but it's not had much of an effect. I'm trying to make the effort to do more things, i've booked some weekends away for me and my girlfriend, arranged weekends at my mums, meeting up for a pint with old friends etc and I still feel that something is missing.

I haven't really mentioned any of this to my girlfriend or parents as I feel stupid not knowing what is making me feel so sad. Part of me also feels guilty for feeling the way I do when these years are supposed to be the happiest.

I've also tried looking back to say 6-7 months ago and seeing what changed but I can't think of anything. Nothing had a big impact on my life around that time so what made me change?

Any idea on what to do from here? Anyone else felt this way before?

Cheers for reading.

 

[trojan698]

What are your goals in life? I reckon it's pretty important to have goals as without them life can get pretty meaningless. What's your job? Do you enjoy it? Do you have regular social contact with friends/family/people other than your gf? What are your hobbies?

I've felt that way myself, yeah, but I was smoking a good amount of cannabis at the time and put it largely down to that and a few other personal issues. I take it you don't smoke cannabis though.

Do you think you made the right choice getting back with your girlfriend or are there perhaps other conquests you wish to pursue? I personally don't believe in monogamy purely because I believe it to be fundamentally unnatural, although at some point I'll no doubt get cornered by the old prenancy trick.

If none of the above suggestions give you any insight you might want to have a word with your doctor as you could be depressed, but I don't advocate taking pills to cure problems.

 

[Paramount]

I feel like this. After about 6 months I realised its because I dont know what I want from life, the ignorance of being young has worn off and now theres no path I feel motivated enough to take. I split with my girlfriend too thinking it was her dragging me down, it wasn't but she wasn't as forgiving as your so that just made it worse. A few people have mentioned 1 in 6 adults gets random depression. Could be the weather, now the suns coming out I'm feeling happier and more like my old self.

I was offered anti deps but decided against them. The way to cure depression is to fix whats causing it, not by covering it up. They can help along the way I guess though.

 

[Phaser]

I was thinking of perhaps setting myself both short and long term goals on a pretty regular basis so I can have something to aim for. I'm a web designer and work is fine. I just see work as something which has to be done though.

I don't really see my mate as much as i'd like to be honest - we normally hook up once a week/fortnight with a few records and we'll spend a night up in my attic with a few beers etc on my decks.

Hobbies, i'm really into DJ'ing and music production. This is normally a solo thing though - perhaps I need to get out a bit more?

Regarding my girlfriend, yes i'm positive I made the right decision. At first I thought I was in for an exciting few weeks getting with girls and so on but I know what we had together was special and it'd be a shame to waste it. Especially because we hadn't done anything wrong/grown apart - it was just me thinking she was the root of my problems (women normally are aren't they?!) Now we're back together we're doing more things, spending quality time together rather than just "being together". Keeping things alive so to speak.

I'm not sure what i'm allowed to go into on here regarding drug use but I do smoke cannabis, at the moment it's a few times a week. I try and look at it as a "treat" though - perhaps if i've done a good workout down the gym i'l roll myself a spliff etc. However after say tomorrow it might be it for a month or 2 - I certainly don't need it everyday, nor would I want to.

 

[encephalopathy]

fair play for posting this
the fact that you have insight into feeling down is a big positive factor
knock the weed on the head and don't substitute alcohol for it
if this continues please think about discussing it with your gp, rather than waiting until a crisis event eg od

 

[rayer]

Do something to put a bit of ooomph into your life. Do something spontanious, like book a flying lesson, rally car driving or learn to snowboard, treat yourself. Sounds like you need a few exciting experiences to get your mind kicked back into high gear. It will be worth the £100 odd quid to get yourself back on track.

 

[jas72]

get a grip.

Feeling depressed?

Save up for a couple of weeks touring india.

You'll think you have paradise when you return.

 

[rayer]

I dont think he is really feeling depressed, just life has slowed down for him and looking forward to nothing. Stuck in a routine .

 

[trojan698]

I was thinking of perhaps setting myself both short and long term goals on a pretty regular basis so I can have something to aim for.

That's a good idea, whether it's distance targets on the crosstrainer, sculpting those guns, or even setting up your business - it's a good idea to have goals. AND to keep making them - never stop creating new goals for yourself.

I don't really see my mate as much as i'd like to be honest - we normally hook up once a week/fortnight with a few records and we'll spend a night up in my attic with a few beers etc on my decks.

Hobbies, i'm really into DJ'ing and music production. This is normally a solo thing though - perhaps I need to get out a bit more?

I'd say so, I mean if you're only socialising with others once a week life gets a bit tedious - we all need something to look forward to.

Regarding my girlfriend, yes i'm positive I made the right decision. At first I thought I was in for an exciting few weeks getting with girls and so on but I know what we had together was special and it'd be a shame to waste it. Especially because we hadn't done anything wrong/grown apart - it was just me thinking she was the root of my problems (women normally are aren't they?!) Now we're back together we're doing more things, spending quality time together rather than just "being together". Keeping things alive so to speak.

Good stuff.

I'm not sure what i'm allowed to go into on here regarding drug use but I do smoke cannabis, at the moment it's a few times a week. I try and look at it as a "treat" though - perhaps if i've done a good workout down the gym i'l roll myself a spliff etc. However after say tomorrow it might be it for a month or 2 - I certainly don't need it everyday, nor would I want to.

I'm sure it'll be ok to discuss it as it's constructive. I'm totally against cannabis use and I used to smoke the stuff daily for about 3 years. It made me paranoid, moody, anti-social and depressed for the whole day after I'd smoked the stuff, and smoking it daily was pretty much a nightmare. I essentially established a psychological dependence on the stuff and got caught up in the coolness of it all - when it's anything but. Only after stopping using for a good few months did I realise how it had made me, and I lost a lot of friends because of it - purely due to a lack of effort in maintaining friendships on my part.

I'd highly recommend stopping for a couple of months and see how you feel, I guarantee you you'll feel more alive, and enthusiastic. I only wish it hadn't taken me several years and ruining my degree to come to the realisation.

get a grip.

Save it Mr Worldly Wise. Everything's relative and our society's affluence has it's own downsides.

 

[shifty_uk]

Get a life coach

But seriously, try being more active. Go out more often with your mates, do some activities you wouldn't normally do. You say your into DJ'ing? What about trying to get a gig lined up, speaking to some local clubs about playing a weekly/monthly set?

 

[platypus]

Well, if I sit back and think about life, really think, I get kinda depressed when I realise how utterly futile it is.

Working 8-5 for a very good wage, which I have no time to spend the less then flattering part of it which is left after I pay taxes to a government I neither voted for, nor like for various reasons, but fittingly because they see fit to hike them up endlessly. Looking forward to when I can afford a mortgage in Cambridge (ie never), when I can have even less money left over, which I still have no time to spend; not so looking forward to the possible prospect of children, who will eat up most of the money I've saved; saving to the particular end of retiring, when I'll be too old to enjoy the money I've saved. But I don't think about that..often..

 

[shifty_uk]

Life does certainly suck at times!

 

[rayer]

Go through some old shirts, get an iron and do some extreme ironing, that will brighten your day up.

 

[Anewbe4u]

Stop with the drugs!

 

[jas72]

Well seriously I was the same until my wife and I had a kid.

He's great fun and when I think what's the point I just need to look at his photo.

Not suggesting it's the answer but come on you have a great life from what I can read, get on with it. Make plans short, medium and long term plans.

Plan to do something good this weekend. Get out of your comfort zone, do something different.

You say you have a great GF so do something unusual with her.

Have fun

 

[SGCWill]

I'm sure it'll be ok to discuss it as it's constructive. I'm totally against cannabis use and I used to smoke the stuff daily for about 3 years. It made me paranoid, moody, anti-social and depressed for the whole day after I'd smoked the stuff, and smoking it daily was pretty much a nightmare. I essentially established a psychological dependence on the stuff and got caught up in the coolness of it all - when it's anything but. Only after stopping using for a good few months did I realise how it had made me, and I lost a lot of friends because of it - purely due to a lack of effort in maintaining friendships on my part.

I'd highly recommend stopping for a couple of months and see how you feel, I guarantee you you'll feel more alive, and enthusiastic. I only wish it hadn't taken me several years and ruining my degree to come to the realisation.

I found the opposite. When I stopped, I was foul mouthed, in your face and in general arrogant, lost a lot of friends, where as now, with my buddies its kinda of a group thing, we have a laugh go out bmx'ing and play footie, as well as argue blind about computer stuff, and sequest random females using dangerous dave as a pick up line (he's a chick magnet, there are no other words to describe his effect on women)

But then; none of us drink alcohol, so we're really just replacing one vice with another.

In response to the OP; Yes, I feel like that sometimes, then I realize that life isn't so bad, just walk outside and listen and realize that it could be a LOT worse.

Maybe you should confide in your girlfriend, but she might take it wrong and that would be even worse!

 

[MookJong]

Been in this situation exactly, I suggest you stop smoking weed completely until you get your head sorted it will not help you, trust me. I've given it up totally now but I fear what lasting effects it has had.

I never really got to the bottom of why I was feeling low but I also started to look at my girlfriend differently, started to pick fault, felt distant and wondered if she was really for me, I was close to breaking up with her.

Luckily I realised such a rapid turn around in thinking about her was very very odd and I started to think rationally and looked at my life from the outside as if I was an observer. Although this didn't make me realise what the root of the problem was, I saw things a lot more clearly as just as you did, realised how much she meant to me and also how good my life actually is.

One of the things I now try and do every day is make a conscious effort be thankful for what I have, even if it's just something small. Sometimes modern life can seem a bit surreal and artificial when there is nothing major going on and you need to get back to basics and ground yourself by realising all the good stuff in your life and how much worse off you could be.

I really try not to take anything for granted now and I feel much more positive in myself.

I hope you find what your looking for, or even better stop searching and just be.

Good luck

 

[Irish_Tom]

Just to ditto what's already been said, I felt like this when I was 16/17 mostly due to smoking copious amounts of the green stuff.

I more or less threw away my first year of A-levels and really had to work hard to get the grades I did in the second year. I stopped spending as much time with the people I used to smoke with and this allowed me to meet new friends whom I now regard as some of my closest and best.

I found that for a long period after I quit I felt this way as well, it wasn't an immediate thing nor was it easy. I had real problems sleeping at the time as well and that didn't help.

My best advice would be stop the weed and make an effort to spend more time with your mates.

Good luck mate, let us know how you get on

Panzer

 

[Phaser]

get a grip.

Feeling depressed?

Save up for a couple of weeks touring india.

You'll think you have paradise when you return.

What are you talking about?

I'm not looking for attention - I was just wondering if anyone else has felt like this before and what they did to overcome it. I'm not the type of person to throw my hands up in defeat as soon as something difficult comes up. If you've read my original post you'll have noticed i've been feeling like this for a good few months.

But seriously, try being more active. Go out more often with your mates, do some activities you wouldn't normally do. You say your into DJ'ing? What about trying to get a gig lined up, speaking to some local clubs about playing a weekly/monthly set?

Yeah, I run my own night at a bar in town each month and I normally play out quite a bit. Regarding my mates, it's hard enough getting everyone to meet up each fortnight. I think that is another reason i'm feeling like this - i'm pretty good with my money but they just waste it so whenever I try and arrange something all I hear is "can't mate i'm skint" - get sick of hearing it after a while.

One of the things I now try and do every day is make a conscious effort be thankful for what I have, even if it's just something small. Sometimes modern life can seem a bit surreal and artificial when there is nothing major going on and you need to get back to basics and ground yourself by realising all the good stuff in your life and how much worse off you could be.

I really try not to take anything for granted now and I feel much more positive in myself.

I hope you find what your looking for, or even better stop searching and just be.

Good luck

I have started doing that recently - just being thankful for what I have. Like this weekend for example - I ran my girlfriend a nice hot bath ready for when she got back from work - sometimes it's not about going out and spending loads of money but just spending good quality time with people you care about.

That last line of your post - stop searching and just be. Perhaps you're right mate. Perhaps I should be grateful for the good things in my life and treat any others what appear as extras.

Just a big thank you to everyone who has posted in this thread - even just little things like knowing someone else understands/has been through it are enough to motivate me into sorting my head out and putting effort into everything. Keeping fit, trying harder at work etc, i'l give it a month and if i'm still not feeling any happier i'l go and see a Doctor or something. Cheers all.