Feeling in the dumps

Minibiker

Minibiker

Minibiker

Soldato
Joined
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Bristolian living in Swindon
I dont know if there is a Thread for this kind of stuff so created my own.

Basically just looking for support or some help with how i am in life at the moment, Ive never been this way before, Just feel useless and a rubbish father to my 22 month old son..

Its leading up to Christmas and ive hardly got him anything, Literally got nothing for my wife, Im behind on my motorcycle finance and work is not great as i feel like the odd one out that never has anyone to talk to really... Its got that bad that ive been in work for the last couple of hours in tears with this women that i see as a mother figure to me. She tried her best to help me out but theres not much she can do other than put her arm around me and morale support. I dont know if i should get a doctors appointment and see what they recommend.

Sorry if this is to no interest to any of you, Just need someone to listen to me really.

Cheers
 
Hey buddy, xmas is a common time for people to get down in the dumps and focus on the 'bad' things in life it's not all doom and gloom though.
Get a doctors appointment first thing in morning.
Speak to your finance company and see if you can rework your payments somehow. Be honest with them, they would rather have someone on their books paying back at what they can afford as opposed to repossessing goods and trying to sell them on to recoup their losses. It's just too much hard work for them.
Does your wife know how you're feeling and the situation you find yourself in?

Look for and focus on the positives in life.

Your son is 22 months old he doesn't need a mountain of presents. He needs a dad that loves him and is there for him. Likewise, I'm sure your wife if she knows the pickle you feel your in would forgo presents and prefer to have the man she loves with her.

You say you have no one in work to really talk to....by your own admission you have at least one and it sounds like a good one. Sod the rest of your workers, I barely speak to anyone I work with if I can avoid it :p

But yea speak to a doctor in the morning and keep your head up buddy.

Feel free to trust message me if you want to rant or let of steam.
 
Probably a bit late now but do you have enough time to do another temporary part time job over Christmas - I work or have worked with over the years a fair few people in a similar situation who come do say 10-20 hours a week as a second job over Nov/Dec so as to afford presents, etc.

At that age kids will often love just about anything - couple of years back got my twin ~18 month old nephews several more expensive presents and some cheap matching backpacks (think they were tigger ones) and they loved them - spent more time playing with the backpacks than anything else - running around the house with them on overjoyed LOL.
 
A 22month old son would open many presents they will all enjoy for very little money. Your wife will understand your situation if you tell her. Go get an appointment at the doctors for some councilling and further support sounds like depression and speaking to them might change your mind set. Keep your head up, you've got a job, wife and son things don't sound bad.

Oh and if you have to sell the bike to pay the finance off and opt for something more affordable.
 
As stated a baby won't remember anything about this Christmas, the only thing that will make any difference at this stage is the love and attention you give them. OK gifts this Christmas are a bit of a write off, but there will be plenty more opportunities to get it right. If you can't afford a present for your wife then make sure you get her a card and write her a heartfelt message explaining the situation and telling how you feel and how much you appreciate being together. I'm sure she will understand.

Focus on the non material things you can do for your family over Christmas, breakfast in bed for the wife, let her have a lie in. Make an extra effort in the kitchen, you might not have the financial means to provide material gifts, but that is only part of the story, you still have the means to step up, take control of the situation and provide joy, fun and good will.

In the end, the hard times now will be your motivator for next year. Speak to the finance company, check your gas and electric tariffs is the best available etc and stick a quid or two away when you can in 2018 and you will be sorted next year.

Chin up buddy, there are people with no family spending Christmas on the street. Would they rather have a gift from John Lewis or a loving family around them?
 
You've found yourself in a common conundrum others find themselves in at this time of year, where they believe materialism is the most important part of Christmas, and without buying the right gift or something expensive, then their partner or children won't be happy.

As said above a 22-month-old doesn't need a great deal other than a happy and loving set of parents, your wife should fully understand the situation if you sit down and talk things through with her.
 
22 month old will love just about anything. We wasted far too much money buying expensive toys for nieces and nephews when they much prefered the toys from crackers.

As for your wife. I think the best way is to be open and honest with her. I've spent less than £20 on my wife this year and she's spent nothing on me, and I couldn't be happier. I really don't need more rubbish to fill the house with and would rather plan a nice evening out or a day out (we're planning on a 1 day blacksmithing course) with her.

Finances come and go but you'd do well to look at the necessities and cancel things like sky, expensive phone contracts, too much money on alcohol and cigs, etc.

Finally, I'd say you need to see the doctors. Your mental health is everything and can turn everything around if it even needs massively turning round. You may find that with a clearer head and more positive outlook that you can handle all this.
 
Not to be the blunt one or anything but if youre behind on the bike finance perhaps think of downsizing until you can afford?
 
As above, your baby won't know the difference between a cheap gift and an expensive one as long as you give them lots of love and attention. Your wife should understand that finances are tight this year. So don't let that get you down.

However if you are behind on payments then you do need to get that under control before it gets out of hand. Whatever you do, don't get into further debt to buy gifts. Look at where you can save money even if it's a few pounds here and there because it all adds up. I'd suggest selling the bike unless you need it for work. But it's obviously not the best time of year to do so. When the weather warms up then maybe consider that to get yourself back on track.
 
It sounds like you are showing signs of depression because the issues you mentioned have simple solutions. Ie. sell the bike, find another job, get a couple of nice cheap gifts, play with your son, teach him silly things, catch it on film. Depression clouds the judgement and 'hides' these simple solutions, leaving only darkness n despair so maybe it's time to seek professional help.
 
Zethor said:
It sounds like you are showing signs of depression because the issues you mentioned have simple solutions. Ie. sell the bike, find another job, get a couple of nice cheap gifts, play with your son, teach him silly things, catch it on film. Depression clouds the judgement and 'hides' these simple solutions, leaving only darkness n despair so maybe it's time to seek professional help.
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Zethor said:
It sounds like you are showing signs of depression because the issues you mentioned have simple solutions. Ie. sell the bike, find another job, get a couple of nice cheap gifts, play with your son, teach him silly things, catch it on film. Depression clouds the judgement and 'hides' these simple solutions, leaving only darkness n despair so maybe it's time to seek professional help.
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True words there..
 
Zethor said:
It sounds like you are showing signs of depression because the issues you mentioned have simple solutions. Ie. sell the bike, find another job, get a couple of nice cheap gifts, play with your son, teach him silly things, catch it on film. Depression clouds the judgement and 'hides' these simple solutions, leaving only darkness n despair so maybe it's time to seek professional help.
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Good advice.
 
As others have said don't get too hung up on buying your 22 month old expensive gifts. I never spent much on my son at that age. They will be happy opening anything!

I would have a chat with your wife. Sure she will understand and you will feel a bit better having talked about this with her.

Hope you feel better.
 
josh_sheffield said:
I would have a chat with your wife. Sure she will understand and you will feel a bit better having talked about this with her.
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100% this. I was in a similar situation a couple of years ago. I sat down with my wife (or rather girlfriend at the time), we talked through both of our finances and made a plan for the next couple of years. One of the things we agreed was to just buy each other token gifts for birthdays/xmas instead of feeling pressured to splash out. Now we're debt free and we can afford to really treat ourselves this year.
 
Presents can be small they do not have to be the latest gadget, even better if you make something.

As for the bike, unless its for transport to and from work, sell it or get back up to speed on the payments ASAP, either way get the problem of it resolved, this alone will make you feel better.
 
Think less about the material side of Christmas, think more about family.

You have a wife and a boy, cherish that, not the throw away toys that your 22months old son won't remember. By buying him a gift really serves no other purposes than satisfy your own guilt in reality since at that age, he would be happy with a big empty box.

As for your wife, talk to her.
 
Raymond Lin said:
Think less about the material side of Christmas, think more about family.

You have a wife and a boy, cherish that, not the throw away toys that your 22months old son won't remember. By buying him a gift really serves no other purposes than satisfy your own guilt in reality since at that age, he would be happy with a big empty box.
As for your wife, talk to her.
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This is very very sound advice. It's obvious you're not wealthy (of which there is no shame, most aren't) yet a woman still wanted to marry and have a child with you. I too was one for bottling things up and you'll be amazed at the response you'll get for just opening up and talking about your worries with your Wife.
 
Minibiker said:
I dont know if there is a Thread for this kind of stuff so created my own.

Basically just looking for support or some help with how i am in life at the moment, Ive never been this way before, Just feel useless and a rubbish father to my 22 month old son..

Its leading up to Christmas and ive hardly got him anything, Literally got nothing for my wife, Im behind on my motorcycle finance and work is not great as i feel like the odd one out that never has anyone to talk to really... Its got that bad that ive been in work for the last couple of hours in tears with this women that i see as a mother figure to me. She tried her best to help me out but theres not much she can do other than put her arm around me and morale support. I dont know if i should get a doctors appointment and see what they recommend.

Sorry if this is to no interest to any of you, Just need someone to listen to me really.

Cheers
Click to expand...
The biggest thing you can give your son is your time and love, buying loads of expensive stuff doesn't equal love or care as others have said get little things that you can afford and enjoy the day and time together with your family.
 
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