Feeling So Unhappy (Relationship)

thebrasso · 11 Jul 2006 at 13:22

I think what did it really was posting on these very forums insulting her dad, and her dad seeing it...doh! (well through an established member, which I won't go into).

booyaka · 11 Jul 2006 at 13:25

MOVE ON - move out to a mates flat or something - i broke up with a previous g/f and stayed in the same flat until the lease ended etc like you.

It doesn't work - you need a clean break - she did a similar thing in that she brought someone else back not long after we broke up (i was away for the weekend). It just crushed me and that was that. I moved out to a work collegues the next day.

Get away from her - move on with your life - best advice i ever got!

Oliver · 11 Jul 2006 at 13:28

thebrasso said:
I'm glad, she was boring and her breath smelt.

lol

funkeh · 11 Jul 2006 at 13:37

Cueball said:
At the end of the day, she has left you and is free to persue any sexual relationship she wants.

End of. It's over, bro. Move on.

I know it hurts, but heck, square off your shoulders, puff out your chest, hold your head high and exercise that stiff upper lip. It's time to move on.

Does she have a sister?

What he said^^

And if that doesnt work for you, punch her in the ovaries.

brid · 11 Jul 2006 at 13:59

Zap said:
Having just ended with my best friend/girl friend i've been thinking along the same lines myself for next time on points one and two. There is some merit in it but i'm not sure that you wouldn't miss out on a lot of what makes a relationship? We had the best fun when we were together and if it had worked out then it would have been something very special indeed and if i couldn't talk to my girl friend about what was on my mind then we wouldn't be very close would we?

Point taken on the 3rd point, next time i'll be sure to make my mates a higher priority, not make friends out of hers and do less 'girly' stuff, do what i want to do more, etc etc

Dont get me wrong - a proper relationship is an amazing, fulfilling thing - and falling in love is a beautiful thing. But on a biological level, women need men to look up to and rely on as strong figureheads, and men like women who look up to them and admire their strength and levelheadedness. Being a bag of nerve or insecurity is a massive turn off. Sharing feelings is quite a dangerous one since theres a point where it ceases to become about making a connection, and becomes something that just telegraphs weakness to the other person.

Personally i think we need to look BACK before we look forward on what makes a good relationship - Our parents generation are the last of a breed that have stayed together throughout the duration of their marriges largely and managed to make things work. Why? Maybe its because the husbands dont cry to their wives and 'open up' every five minutes. Being emotional and needy might be nice for a few days but sooner or later any woman is going to start looking elsewhere to find some masculinity in their lives.

Felix Da Housecat · 11 Jul 2006 at 15:39

thebrasso said:
When I split up with an ex in January 2004, it was similar although not living together. She had changed, and got bored just like I got bored with her to be honest. She annoyed me so much with her inane drivel, her argumentative attitude and insecurity.

OMG sounds like we dated the same person, every thing I said to my ex managed to get a hatefull, CBA with you reply. I'm so glad i'm single now.

------------------

Oh and to the OP, one bit of advice that i've seen on this forum a few times is that you have to learn to hate her now, and it will make it so much easier to move on.

Wryel · 11 Jul 2006 at 16:07

custom1 said:
OMG sounds like we dated the same person,

Same here, had a gf for 5 years and this almost EXACTLY what happened to me.

singist · 11 Jul 2006 at 16:37

Once a relationship is showing signs of breaking ........... it's over.

Don't analyse things; move out and move on ......

"It hurts when I bang my head against this wall!" ........ Well, stop doing it then!

Morba · 11 Jul 2006 at 16:42

wow, had the intention of being the voice of reason and telling you to get over it.

but on reading its not the normal break up opening post. props on posting tho, not many men would admit to not wanting sex more than once a day

hope things get better this next few months until you move.

oh, and get over it ;]

me227 · 11 Jul 2006 at 18:41

Thanks guys for all your advice and help. From what I know it was honestly this one sex issue. Everything else honestly seemed fine.

Fair enough this is from my perspective on things and i'm trying to be unbiased but obviously thats impossible.

Also this relationship with the swedish guy, just from seeing how they act together over the internet it just screams out something has been going on longer.

I don't know if she knew the intentions, but I feel that he knows perfectly well what he is doing.

Also just found out that she's done a lot of "cybersex" with him since we've broken up.

atpbx · 11 Jul 2006 at 18:55

A lot of girls go looking outside of their relationship for sex.
Unfortunatly you found yours doing it, as did the husband of the bird i've been seeing recently.

Thing is, even though this bird has promised him faithfully she will never see me agian, she was on the phone this morning organising when to do it again.

Thing is, she says even though she loves him, he bores her to tears and she would never consider living with me........... :confused:

I'll never understand women, ever.

Pants · 11 Jul 2006 at 20:18

atpbx said:
A lot of girls go looking outside of their relationship for sex.
Unfortunatly you found yours doing it, as did the husband of the bird i've been seeing recently.

Thing is, even though this bird has promised him faithfully she will never see me agian, she was on the phone this morning organising when to do it again.

Thing is, she says even though she loves him, he bores her to tears and she would never consider living with me...........

I'll never understand women, ever.

Haha, I would laugh if you got your ass kicked by this guy.

atpbx · 11 Jul 2006 at 20:45

Pants said:
Haha, I would laugh if you got your ass kicked by this guy.

I've never had my ass kicked.
Ever.

I think one of the reasons why she hit on to me in the first place is he's a bit of a wet fart in all departments, a bit too nice.
I can tell you the exact moment when she came on to me, she'd asked if i wanted a coffee while i was there, i said okay, and she said "god i dont know what ****** would say if he found out id asked you in for drink"
I said "well he'd probably say alright mate busy day is it or something"
"no i mean, having a strange man in the house"

so i replied "to be honest love i dont care if he came back and found me doing you over the kitchen table or something"

and the reply i got was:
"Oh so you WOULD like to then...............?"

Nitefly · 11 Jul 2006 at 21:07

You keep saying all she wanted was sex....

To me, sex in a relationship is a bit like a small cog in a very complex machine... it doesn't mean too much, but without it it doesn't work....

I'm sorry to hear about your break up, but what I would suggest is that you let her possibly learn her mistakes... I can't see the swedish guy and her going to far..... but I don't know everything.

Chin up and get a clean break

me227 · 11 Jul 2006 at 21:38

Nitefly said:
You keep saying all she wanted was sex....

To me, sex in a relationship is a bit like a small cog in a very complex machine... it doesn't mean too much, but without it it doesn't work....

I'm sorry to hear about your break up, but what I would suggest is that you let her possibly learn her mistakes... I can't see the swedish guy and her going to far..... but I don't know everything.

Chin up and get a clean break

You see thats what I tried to do. I didn't properly try to solve the issue at the start of the year, as she says her drive rose all of a sudden last November.

And tbh I was scared and I tried to run away from it, but come around this time of year about 2 months before the break up, I tried and she wasn't willing to compromise in my opinion and it was either all or nothing andi t had to be her way.

Yes it's an embarrasing situation and bearing in mind it was a 4 year relationship and I lived and worked with her my sex drive would have been around 3 to 4 times a week.

I told her after we broke up that sometimes you just need a good scare and see what your losing, and before she had her weekend in London she said she wanted me back but was scared of it failing and us hating each other. I understood that and was fine with that.

But then after the weekend she saying she couldn't see a future with me and she didn't want me back. So how could she change so much in the space of a weekend.

I can't see her and Swedish guy going far but I think she is being a bit naive about some things.

But I don't want her back anymore after seeing how she has acted, and after breaking up less than a month she had arranged a visit in London and slept with him, and then tells me she was happy with it and enjoyed it.

I don't think thats right and it's rubbing my face in it. But i've seen a different side to her and it kind of scares me as shes so different from the girl I loved and was with.

I viewed the sex as a small but important part in the relationship and one way out of many of showing love. If it's not working thats bad, but as I said to her, solutions to problems don't just happily bounce along and jump out at you, and part of life and relationships is making things work and making an effort.

But keeping with Mohinders thread. Least I wasn't married when it all happened life is soooooo good!!!!!!!

MarkyMark · 11 Jul 2006 at 21:57

Nitefly said:
................sex in a relationship is a bit like a small cog in a very complex machine... it doesn't mean too much, but without it it doesn't work....

Chin up and get a clean break

This man speaks the truth lol. Hope you get through it me227. I know from experience that you will come out better on the other side. Some blokes enjoy picking up women in failing relationships. And to be honest, if she can do it to you then she will probably at some point do it to him.

You are sooooooooo much better shot of her. Doesn't feel like it now, especially with it all happening in your face. But in 6 months time you will probably look back and be thinking wtf was I on lol. Its always the same, its so clear to everyone around what the situation is, but not to you. You can never see it when your in it.

me227 · 11 Jul 2006 at 22:03

Yeah I know what you mean. Or acting in this way and being very different is probably some kind of blessing in disguise. As from her telling me what she got up to at the weekend and totalling that with some lies shes said I can start to see the advantages of not being with her. And today i've felt fine, apart from this morning when I made this thread.

We were talking last night and she said should she leave the house. I said no it's her house as well as mine at the minute.

But then this evening I brought it up and asked if she'd leave for a while. She said she'd have coursework to do for resits and I said thats fine I know all your stuff is here.

But she just got really irritated and annoyed that i'd brought it up. And in the end up I just said don't offer things that you aren't going to bother following through on.

MarkyMark · 11 Jul 2006 at 22:07

me227 said:
Yeah I know what you mean. Or acting in this way and being very different is probably some kind of blessing in disguise. As from her telling me what she got up to at the weekend and totalling that with some lies shes said I can start to see the advantages of not being with her. And today i've felt fine, apart from this morning when I made this thread.

We were talking last night and she said should she leave the house. I said no it's her house as well as mine at the minute.

But then this evening I brought it up and asked if she'd leave for a while. She said she'd have coursework to do for resits and I said thats fine I know all your stuff is here.

But she just got really irritated and annoyed that i'd brought it up. And in the end up I just said don't offer things that you aren't going to bother following through on.

hey look, e-mail is in trust if you fancy talking further.........

will explain why later lol

Daveyboy · 11 Jul 2006 at 22:20

brid said:
Ive been in the position before where my girlfriend WAS my best friend and after a seven year relationship which ended 2 years ago i soon learned a few things.

1. NEVER LEAN EMOTIONALLY AGAINST ANYONE
2. DONT MAKE YOUR GIRLFRIEND YOUR BEST FRIEND
3. BE A MAN. NOT A MAN-GIRL

These sound like harsh rules and when your world has been ripped apart (or at least at the time thats how it feels like), this sounds unemotional and hard to realise - but unfortunately for a generation of men raised by women and the female dominated media we seem to have lost our way emotionally. At the end of the day your life should be in place BEFORE a woman enters it, so that if the relationship doesnt work out then you dont stand to hit rock bottom like you have right now. If i were you i'd take some mental time out to reasses just who you are and what you want to be before you form any kind of relationship with any woman. Believe me a few years back i was exactly the same and would NEVER allow that ever again. Its actually better for both parties if there is proper respect in a traditional way, and that you DONT act like a wussie.

Harsh words i know, but you can take them.

This is the best advice i've heard in a long time, cheers mate! Your comments apply to my last relationship, and i'm in the process of re-assessing who I am right now. Phase 3 is getting laid a lot with random women, but this will come with time.

p.s. my ex started to see someone I used to go raving/clubbing with who looks just like me but more muscle-y, who I used to invite round to the flat and I think thats sad.

brid · 11 Jul 2006 at 22:25

Daveyboy said:
This is the best advice i've heard in a long time, cheers mate! Your comments apply to my last relationship, and i'm in the process of re-assessing who I am right now. Phase 3 is getting laid a lot with random women, but this will come with time.

p.s. my ex started to see someone I used to go raving/clubbing with who looks just like me but more muscle-y, who I used to invite round to the flat and I think thats sad.

Good to hear man - believe me theres a time when you cant stop thinking about the other person or wondering what they are doing..... but then after time.... it just goes away and you can think about your ex without getting upset or even caring what they do with themselves.

Sooner or later you'll have so many things going on in your life that you realise you couldnt do with your previous partner that you will wonder why you ever allowed yourself to get upset over a shallow person like your ex.

Last thing ive learned is that most girls until they hit 25 are a mess emotionally, after that they gradually start to calm down but i wouldnt ever worry about wondering exactly WHY they think, act and do the things they do at that age - they dont even know either