Flatmate issues

[anksta]

Alright, just writing on here because I'm a bit wound up and it's alright for a vent.

I live in a flat with 2 people in zone 2 in London, I don't really get on with either of them but I've been here the longest. When I moved in, 2 years ago, the flat was an absolute hole but it was all I could afford then and it allowed me to smoke in the flat. Since then I've seen the washer, fridge freezer replaced, cleared the balcony (you couldn't stand on it), fixed the shower, bought and paid for almost every thing of use in this flat and generally made it a nice home.

This girl moved in about 2 months ago, just graduated and still lives like a student, can barely see the floor in her room, has no curtains and is up until 2am on the phone almost every night.

The other night I had had an awful day at work and she'd started a new job so I went in and asked her how her day was and seeing I was going to go to bed early I asked her if she wouldn't mind not slamming every single door in the flat like me and the other guy don't, for one night.

She in return told me to stop smoking in the flat.

I'm in a quitting cycle (smokers know) at the minute so I said that I definitely would be soon if she'd just bear with me. Eventually we whittled it down to I'd stop in a week.

In that week however, not only has she not stopped slamming every single door, her and her boyfriend, she's picked up annoying habits of singing at the top of her voice like she's practising for the Royal Albert Hall until 1am on a week night and at 7am on a Sunday. On top of all her other stuff like not emptying the bins etc I decided she can forget about any sort of deal.

Being a smoker doesn't make me a bad flatmate and not being a smoker doesn't make her a good one.

So last night she's been out all night and comes home at half 10 and starts banging on my door (sober) asking me why I haven't stopped. I told her that despite the deal not being anywhere close to a 50/50 swap she's not even managed to do that. It got a bit heated and I told her if she didn't like it she should move out and pay 40% more to live further away (we're very central and pay like 450 a month).

Fast forward to tonight and in she storms again guns blazing with how she's never met anyone so unutterably selfish and on and on. Then she sends her wet blanket boyfriend to give it the whole "listen mate you're a nice guy but..." routine while she hovers in the background.

By this point I've had enough and reverting to just leave me alone mode.

I know I'm being stubborn and immature about the whole mess but she moved in her when I was smoking and I do at least 70% of everything here, I do tests frequently of things like stopping taking the bins out for a few days, not buying toilet roll or washing up liquid or washing up plates when they're there and within 3 days the place is a bombsite and I cave in.

She's in her room now slamming doors for the fun of it and in a fit of hysterics (which I might add is about 2 notches down from how loud she was crying about what she saw on Benefit's St last week).

I just wanted to have a bit of a vent, you can all have a go if you want I don't care. I know I'm right and normally I wouldn't think it's worth it and cave in but really it's a bit far this time.

 

[Maccapacca]

Stop smoking, you're stinking the place out and making her and her clothes smell.

Can't you smoke outside?

 

[sja360]

sounds like you should move into another flat with friends or maybe try going it alone? as you will probably come across similar people again. I guess the landlord chooses the most reliable paying tenant they can find without thinking about who's in there atm.

 

[m@rty]

Living with and getting along with random people can be pretty difficult. I have done it a couple of times and would rather stay at home now or get my own place.

 

[Mynight]

Seems a pretty fair deal to me. Keep the noise down and ill stop stinking up the place. (I'm a smoker so can't judge).

I imagine she knew you smoked before moving in?

 

[[FnG]magnolia]

You all sound like terrible people and should probably think about living with people who don't find you so objectionable.

 

[dowie]

To be fair if you're stinking the flat out with cigarette smoke then she's got a point. Yeah it does sound like she needs to calm things down too and not make noise at night etc... But if you're getting annoyed about it you've got no real position to argue from if you're still stinking the place out with your smoking.

The cleaning thing is standard housemate drama... everyone thinks they do more than everyone else... short of being really anal and drawing up a rota there isn't much you can do about that unless they literally do nothing at all cleaning wise...

 

[anksta]

Stop smoking, you're stinking the place out and making her and her clothes smell.

Can't you smoke outside?

I can, and would but I make enough sacrifices in this flat as it is and to have my one solace in the flat be invaded in such an extreme way (last night when I was in bed she was slamming my door open with the bleach and toilet rolls she'd bought that day (the first ones she's bought in 3 months) and shouting about it while the other guy was asleep) is not on.

Seems a pretty fair deal to me. Keep the noise down and ill stop stinking up the place. (I'm a smoker so can't judge).

I imagine she knew you smoked before moving in?

She claims that the advert said it was non smoking which it probably did say, but I didn't write it and have repeatedly pointed that out. She didn't unpack for over a month and when she did she stole half the furniture out of the living room including 2 lamps (one of which is mine) because her light had gone out - and then when I went in and replaced the bulb for her without being asked she didn't replace them but instead chose to leave the old bulb on the kitchen counter instead of the bin which was 6 inches to the left.

Smoking is a bad habit that does make things smell and it is inconvenient I get all that and am not debating that. I've been mature and friendly and welcoming (I literally had to make her bed for her the second night she was here as she was just sleeping on a bare mattress because she couldn't be bothered making it), I take care of the bills and I clean everything every week yet no one ever mentions that. They give the kitchen a wipe once a month and think that gives them carte blanche to beat me with the one thing I do that she doesn't agree with.

The other guy also doesn't like me smoking I'll add and I also don't get on with him, but he's been here a year now and can't be that bothered about it.

My answer to her now is you can live with it or leave. I'm not bending over backwards for her any more.

I will add though that I've lived with over 20 people in my time at uni and here in London and got on perfectly fine with almost all of them. The girl she replaced is one of my best friends who also hated smoking when she was here but appreciated that it's better to have a clean smoker than a horrific non smoker.

 

[anksta]

To be fair if you're stinking the flat out with cigarette smoke then she's got a point. Yeah it does sound like she needs to calm things down too and not make noise at night etc... But if you're getting annoyed about it you've got no real position to argue from if you're still stinking the place out with your smoking.

The cleaning thing is standard housemate drama... everyone thinks they do more than everyone else... short of being really anal and drawing up a rota there isn't much you can do about that unless they literally do nothing at all cleaning wise...

I smoke in my room with the door closed only. I didn't smoke in the living room even when there were 2 people here who didn't mind me smoking at all, including another who did.

 

[AndrewNR]

Alright, just writing on here because I'm a bit wound up and it's alright for a vent.

I live in a flat with 2 people in zone 2 in London, I don't really get on with either of them but I've been here the longest. When I moved in, 2 years ago, the flat was an absolute hole but it was all I could afford then and it allowed me to smoke in the flat. Since then I've seen the washer, fridge freezer replaced, cleared the balcony (you couldn't stand on it), fixed the shower, bought and paid for almost every thing of use in this flat and generally made it a nice home.

This girl moved in about 2 months ago, just graduated and still lives like a student, can barely see the floor in her room, has no curtains and is up until 2am on the phone almost every night.

The other night I had had an awful day at work and she'd started a new job so I went in and asked her how her day was and seeing I was going to go to bed early I asked her if she wouldn't mind not slamming every single door in the flat like me and the other guy don't, for one night.

She in return told me to stop smoking in the flat.

I'm in a quitting cycle (smokers know) at the minute so I said that I definitely would be soon if she'd just bear with me. Eventually we whittled it down to I'd stop in a week.

In that week however, not only has she not stopped slamming every single door, her and her boyfriend, she's picked up annoying habits of singing at the top of her voice like she's practising for the Royal Albert Hall until 1am on a week night and at 7am on a Sunday. On top of all her other stuff like not emptying the bins etc I decided she can forget about any sort of deal.

Being a smoker doesn't make me a bad flatmate and not being a smoker doesn't make her a good one.

So last night she's been out all night and comes home at half 10 and starts banging on my door (sober) asking me why I haven't stopped. I told her that despite the deal not being anywhere close to a 50/50 swap she's not even managed to do that. It got a bit heated and I told her if she didn't like it she should move out and pay 40% more to live further away (we're very central and pay like 450 a month).

Fast forward to tonight and in she storms again guns blazing with how she's never met anyone so unutterably selfish and on and on. Then she sends her wet blanket boyfriend to give it the whole "listen mate you're a nice guy but..." routine while she hovers in the background.

By this point I've had enough and reverting to just leave me alone mode.

I know I'm being stubborn and immature about the whole mess but she moved in her when I was smoking and I do at least 70% of everything here, I do tests frequently of things like stopping taking the bins out for a few days, not buying toilet roll or washing up liquid or washing up plates when they're there and within 3 days the place is a bombsite and I cave in.

She's in her room now slamming doors for the fun of it and in a fit of hysterics (which I might add is about 2 notches down from how loud she was crying about what she saw on Benefit's St last week).

I just wanted to have a bit of a vent, you can all have a go if you want I don't care. I know I'm right and normally I wouldn't think it's worth it and cave in but really it's a bit far this time.

Da hell is "zone 2"?

When you next light up, go to her door, open it and slam it. Repeat until you've finished your fag. Show her who's boss.

 

[Fuzz]

See that Balcony you cleared.... Go smoke out on it you filthy animal
AND SHUT THE ****ING DOOR BEHIND YOU.

This is all you need to do to.
Her side of the argument does not have a leg to stand on then.

 

[Prophet]

It's good that you're quitting smoking but personally smoking inside has never been acceptable, even when it was legal. As others have said, can't you smoke outside? She sounds like a typical drama queen but by taking smoking out of the equation so will have no reason not to hold up her end of the deal. If she doesn't, she's the one in the wrong.

 

[anksta]

Da hell is "zone 2"?

When you next light up, go to her door, open it and slam it. Repeat until you've finished your fag. Show her who's boss.

London travel zones mate, concentric circles expanding out from the centre of London. We're on the cusp of zones 1 and 2 and pay rent that hasn't been increased in 6 years.

In short it's cheap as anything. I've been looking for a new flat for a while as I obviously don't want to live with these people any more and you can't find anywhere less than 700 that's anywhere near as big as this within about 3 miles of the centre.

And that's for a hole or to live with a couple or to stay somewhere you have to be out of on the weekends.

 

[Maccapacca]

Just smoking in your room is like having a peeing end in a swimming pool.

 

[dowie]

I smoke in my room with the door closed only. I didn't smoke in the living room even when there were 2 people here who didn't mind me smoking at all, including another who did.

A bit lazy of you since you've already mentioned the flat has a balcony. You've still got a weak argument against her making noise if you're carrying on with something that she can legitimately complain about.

 

[anksta]

See that Balcony you cleared.... Go smoke out on it you filthy animal
AND SHUT THE ****ING DOOR BEHIND YOU.

This is all you need to do to.
Her side of the argument does not have a leg to stand on then.

It's the middle of winter, and this is a smoking flat.

I'm not even that bothered about the smoking, I told her I'd be quitting if she just put up with it for a bit.

She's going to put up with it for a bit whether or not she wants to have hysterics every night (you can tell that she didn't eat her veg when she was a kid as screaming was easier) because it's cheap, simple as that.

If we were paying 700 a month for a ground floor flat in Wimbledon she'd be gone tomorrow.

 

[anksta]

A bit lazy of you since you've already mentioned the flat has a balcony. You've still got a weak argument if you're carrying on with something that legitimately annoys her.

It has 2 balconies, and one that's covered.

I don't care though, I can't show them that it's not on leaving your pots and pans in the sink for over a week or not taking out the rotting food in the rubbish because I just end up doing it so I'm taking my stand with this.

What have I got to lose? She'll move out and I'll lose a dear dear friend? She'll move out and I'll throw a rock out of the window and hit 6 people who are ready to move in before it's landed.

I've mentioned all this to her by the way.

 

[Maccapacca]

Two wrongs and all that.

Be the bigger man.

 

[Narj]

TBF smoking will always stink out a place - it seeps through the doors and smells horrible.

She's still being a douche though. Falcon punch will fix everything.

 

[[TW]Fox]

She claims that the advert said it was non smoking which it probably did say

It's the middle of winter, and this is a smoking flat.

Sounds like it isn't a smoking flat. It sounds very unreasonable to expect to be able to do something like smoke inside a home shared with those who don't smoke. If you want to smoke, it would seem the two options are:

a) Smoke outside
b) Get your own place where you can decide what you want to do

Option a) would probably be the easiest.