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Musty Pie

Musty Pie

Musty Pie

Soldato
Joined
6 Jan 2009
Posts
6,488
Location
Hertfordshire
Ok so its the festive season and all that

HO HO HO :p

I have a brand new sealed and un-used copy of Terminator Salvation on the PC that I am going to give away.

(yes i know its not an AMAZING game, but its not bad, and for free you cant moan?)


All you have to do is post a funny christmas related joke to enter, and I will get my misses to pick the best! (dont worry she likes rude ones :) )

So good luck!
 
Does she like anecdotes?

It was Christmas eve, and Santa was really busy making his list and checking it twice, when there came a knock at the door. His wife comes in. "Honey, where do you want me to put your boots and gloves?" Well, Santa is very busy and so he's slightly annoyed by this trivial question, so he snaps at her, "Put them by the front door, and stop bothering me. I'm trying to get some work done." He starts back to work, but a few minutes later an elf barges in. "Santa, we got all the toys wrapped, what should we do with them?" Santa snaps, "Stick 'em in the sleigh! Can't you see I'm trying to get ready? I don't want any more interruptions!" But sure enough, as soon as he starts back to work, there is another interruption. An angel, standing at the door, says, "Santa, I have your Christmas tree. Where would you like me to put it?" And this is where we get the tradition of placing an angel on top of the Christmas tree.
 
So the dust bin (garbage) man was going around all the houses collecting his Christmas pressies.

He called to this attractive housewive's house and there she was, all done up in frilly under-garments and seductive spices.



She invited the bemused bin man into her living room and, without further ado, made mad passionate lurve to him right there on the living room floor.

When they were finished, and he was getting ready to go, she handed him a five euro note.

The bin man became quite emotional.

"I have to tell you", he said, "this is the best Christmas present I've ever been given."

"You can thank my husband for that," said the lady. "When he was going to work this morning, I asked him should I give the bin man a tenner for Christmas and he said...

... No, **** him, give him five." :D
 
The three wise men arrived to visit the child lying in the manger in Bethlehem. One of the wise men was exceptionally tall and bumped his head on the low doorway as he entered the stable. 'Jesus Christ!' he exclaimed.

Joseph leaned over to Mary and said, 'Write that down, it's much better than Barry!'
 
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Seeing as it is a female judging

WHY IS A CHRISTMAS TREE BETTER THAN A MAN

1. A Christmas tree is always erect.
2. Even small ones give satisfaction.
3. A Christmas tree stays up for 12 days and nights.
4. A Christmas tree always looks good - even with the lights on.
5. A Christmas tree is always happy with its size.
6. A Christmas tree has cute balls.
7. A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you break one of its balls.
8. You can throw a Christmas tree out when it's past its 'sell by' date.
9. You don't have to put up with a Christmas tree all year.
 
Who put an Xbox under the tree
Who got a Fidget (at least that’s what I think it says, I can’t understand the little ginger kid who can’t pronounce her words) just for me
And who put a laptop on Grandpas knee
My Muvva

Yo yo yo
My Muvva got an Optimus Prime for Ben
An HTC for Uncle Ken
My Muvva got a Fuji camera for Jen
My Muvvas wicked!

Who got Dad a D&G
And who got herself some jewellery
My lovely lovely Muvva
 
A Jewish Santa goes down the chimney of a house and notices that there are two children asleep on the couch waiting for him. Santa says: "Pssssst... children, want to buy some toys?".
 
Just think - the old homeless guy who sits outside my local station doesn't know what it's like to have a full tummy on Christmas Day.

But he will do this Friday, thanks to me -

I'm gonna go down there and tell him.
 
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