Friday mornings attempt at a joke...

CLAWS

CLAWS

CLAWS

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Joined
13 Jun 2005
Posts
1,416
Location
West Midlands
An ugly woman walks into a shop with her two kids.

The shopkeeper asks: "Are they twins?"

The woman says: "No, he's 9 and she's 7. Why? Do you think they look alike?"

"No", he replies, "I just can't believe you got laid twice."
 
A man is wandering through the desert. Deprived of water for many days on end, he is dying of thirst. To his amazement, he stumbles across three market stalls set up in the middle of the sandy dunes.
He crawls up to the first one. "Water, water! Give me water!" he cries.
"I'm sorry," says the first stallholder, "I sell nothing but jelly and custard."
The man crawls up to the second stall. "Water, water! Give me water!" he cries.
"I'm sorry," says the second stallholder, "I sell nothing but cream and sponge."
The man crawls up to the third stall. "Water, water! Give me water!" he cries.
"I'm sorry," says the third stallholder, "I sell nothing but hundreds and thousands."
"I can't believe none of you has any water," says the man.
"I know," says the third stallholder, "it is a trifle bazaar."
 
okay then, may i attempt redemption with...

What do Atilla the Hun and Winnie the Poo have in common?
The same middle name



An elderly couple had been dating for some time.
Finally they decided it was time for marriage.
Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.
They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.
Finally the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.
"How do you feel about sex?" he asked, rather trustingly.
"Well," she says, responding very carefully, "I'd have to say I would like it infrequently."
The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment.
Then over his glasses, he looked her in the eye casually and asked, "Was that one or two words?"
 
Spunkey said:
okay then, may i attempt redemption with...

What do Atilla the Hun and Winnie the Poo have in common?
The same middle name
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I have just set a horde of angry badgers on you. Run while you can.
 
Well, I thought it was quite funny :o
But then again, anything is making me laugh today. Most of all, the anatomy exam I just sat, teehee :D
 
Excellent - three jokes I haven't "heard" before :D
More please!
Jenjey said:
But then again, anything is making me laugh today. Most of all, the anatomy exam I just sat, teehee :D
Click to expand...
Bet it mentioned willies! :p
 
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