Funeral Arrangements

It really helped that discussed it while mum was able to. We knew her wishes and so we could give her the funeral she wanted! She had a "no black" dress code and requested that people attending wore pastels. Another thing to consider is where you want donations to go to. Mum had a Macmillan nurse and so we asked for donations to be made payable to them.

JUst to give you an idea the actual funeral service itself cost around £3k and was a pretty basic affair.

Thanks for everyones kind words, it has been the first time I've written about my mums passing and it was very comforting to do so.
 
I'm really sorry to hear about your dad. You have had some good advice here, although I have one thing to say. I felt the same way you did when my grandparents were dying, it wasn't really them any more, and it was very painful to see them. When my gran died, the immediate family gathered in the hospice with our priest, and we were asked if we would like to go in while he prayed and blessed her. I went in, and it is one of the biggest regrets of my life. It's difficult to explain, but to me the person lying there felt like an empty shell and I couldn't feel any connection to her at all. It's not that I wasn't close to her either, my grandparents looked after me every day for 16 years.

What I'm trying to say, is think carefully about whether you want to see your father like that. For a long time, that image was the first thing I saw whenever I thought of my gran, and it was difficult to deal with. I said goodbye to my grandad before he died, and I have never regretted not going home to see his body before the funeral.

One thing we did with both funerals was to request family flowers only, and then we had a collection at the door for the Macmillan hospice. If your father is being cared for by Macmillan nurses, then it may be something you want to consider doing too, or asking for donations for any cancer charity.
 
Seeing the body is definitely a personal thing. For me as I attended hospital and saw mum just after she died I wanted to see her again "as mum". In the hospital she was in her hospital gown, her false teeth weren't in and her hair wasn't done.

Seeing mum in the coffin was lovely, we had taken some clothes she took on holiday but had never worn and my wife had seen a nice skirt whilst out shopping so we bought that. Mum was a bugger for getting new clothes and forgetting the tags where on so we asked the funeral director to dress her and leave the tags in place. She had slippers on her feet and wore a simple necklace and belt.

Mum was due to have a second course of chemo after Cyprus and this would be more aggressive so she had bought a wig in preparation. She never needed to wear the wig but having seen a photo of mum trying the wig on I knew we should have her wear it in the coffin. Mum looked beautiful and peaceful in her coffin.

Do whatever you feel is right when the time comes. Don't feel that you must go to see him.
 
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Originally Posted by Gaygle View Post
Literally brought a tear to my eye and i can say that is only the 2nd or 3rd time it's happened from reading something on OcUK! But sound advice indeed...

Think it's great you're being so supportive OP, she'll be looking to you to keep her strong and i'm sure you'll do your dad proud.


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and me my thoughts are with you
 
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When someone receives a confirmed terminal illness with short prognosis they or their dependants/friends should check out jobcentreplus.gov.uk or direct.gov.uk. urgently. An application for Disability Living Allowance Higher Rate Care Component could well be appropriate under Special Rules status. Upper age limit for claiming DLA is 65 as far as I remember. Not sure on the rules on Attendance Allowance which probably only applies to people over 65. The cust's GP will need to supply a Form DS1500 to accompany the DLA HRCC (Special Rules) application which could be processed within 10 days. Backdating claims may be allowed.

Check out Carer's Allowance which may be payable to someone caring for the sick person.

Funeral Payments and Community Care Grants may be available to the family of the sick person but qualifying conditions are rather complex, the forms are difficult to understand - your jobcentre have the necessary forms and can advise. Dependent upon the person's estate, DWP may be entitled to recover limited costs from that estate.

A man under 65 or a woman under 60 may also be entitled to Incapacity Benefit dependent on their NI contributions. An Income Support claim may have to be filed if they fail to qualify outright on contributions for Incap.

If in doubt contact the job centre or check out the websites ASAP.
 
jaydee said:
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Hey Jaydee,

Thanks for the information, in regards to the first part my mum has already been in contact with the required people and are already receiving the Incapacity/Disability benefits as he has been ill for some time now (about a year).

It is only within the last week more or less that everything has taken an apparent turn for the worse. :)

Thanks to everyone for their replies so far, I shall make sure M0nkee checks the replies too.
 
For those of you interested, Dad passed away at 11:32pm on the 1st of May (hour and a half ago). He went peacefully in his sleep and was more at rest than he has been for the last few weeks. We'll dearly miss him, as will everyone that knew him.

<3
 
MoNkeE said:
For those of you interested, Dad passed away at 11:32pm on the 1st of May (hour and a half ago). He went peacefully in his sleep and was more at rest than he has been for the last few weeks. We'll dearly miss him, as will everyone that knew him.

<3
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Im really sorry, and im sure he knows how much he meant to you.
 
So, so sorry to hear of your loss. My father died of lung cancer. My brother and I were lucky enough to be holding his hand at the time he died. A hard moment but I'm glad I was there.

With regards to personal matters I acted as executor to the will. Not sure who is acting as that in your case but you may want to put it in the hands of a solicitor. It will cost a little but would take a lot of the hassle away from you in a time of hurt.
 
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