Getting over a break up?

Cheers guys.

KaHn - she came first before everything, i've even said i'd sell my pc if that was it.

Yea, i'm gunna start swimming again, until i can get enough money to get a mountain bike again and start downhilling again. Mates are being awsome. Mum is rather worried about me as she knew how i felt about her. Same as the people at work. But the less i think about it the easier. I think when i see her - if i do it will be hard again.

Got nothing on tonight, but out on the town with the usual group of my mates on Sat. Should be good fun :)
 
I know you will find my comments as harsh maybe even in appropriate but untill you have dragged a relationship out for month in the hope that things might go back to how they were, you will lose sleep and get hurt a lot more than you would have if you just accepted that its over.

Trust me when I say this, you are better off with out her.

KaHn
 
My first longterm girlfriend finished with me on the second week of Uni, and we'd been together for 3 years.

I was devastated, and living in a house where her mum was the landlord didn't help, but I completely ignored her for the rest of my time in Uni.

She rang a few times when she wanted a good time, but otherwise she didn't bother. Eventually in my final year (she failed twice=dumb) she started to realise what she'd done and begged me to go back.

I refused and shes gone forever. I also boned her older sister :p
 
I know this is really random, but when I broke up with an ex, I got really depressed one night, so went out for a drive and decided to go somewhere completely new with a decent CD playing, my aim was to get completely lost, take in the sights, and find my way home.

It was fun and kept my brain busy. But how about a mammoth gaming session tonight? isketch? dvd? reorganise your pc folders/rooms? prank call people if driving isn't your thing? :p

EVH said:
I refused and shes gone forever. I also boned her older sister :p
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Success! :p
 
Some advice i gave to a friend.

Cut contact.
Go out with mates a lot. Sleepovers, parties, town, cinema etc
Write a paragraph or bullet points of why you hate her/him.
e.g Ditch you with no real reason
Take up a hobbie
Spend money on yourself

Also don't do what my friend did and basically chuck herself at her ex. That was the most stupidest thing i have ever seen.
 
I got a downhill mountain bike to sell seeing I don't have time/peopel to use it with heh, obsessed with building them before PC's :)

Depends on character, i got confidence on tap, i hate, hate not being single, but me breaking up with someone because of an ego trip thinking i can do better is wrong. Ironic isn't it.

Oh and to the advice on ignoring it, spot on. Women hate whiners or signs of weakness. If they see you having fun without them or showing strength, they're like 'wtf' and question their decision, it's great when that happens, i had another text me AGAIN the weekend asking how i was, gives me a warm feeling inside :D
 
Kahn speaketh the trutheth.

I learn't this with my last ex. Was all down and miserable for a couple of days and then thought sod it.

Get back on it with your mates and be as care free as you like. Go out, get drunk, flirt with some ladies, exchange some numbers, have a few dates, get a bit of wet but for god sake don't just jump into something with the next girl that walks by and also, don't bother with your ex. If she calls, ignore it, if you see her out, make sure your smiling and ignore her (unless she comes over to say hello, then be polite). Just don't show any signs of weakness.

After a month of doing this I have met someone worth taking things further with. You might think it will never happen again but trust me, it will and you will soon realise how much better your new lady friend is than your ex.

I am actually quite shocked and appauled at myself for putting up with all the crap my ex caused.
 
Definatly agree with the cut all contact comments. Also don't keep hoping that you will get back with her. She's gone, move on. Yes, it's going to be hard and it will hurt for a while. But as already mentioned, time is the greatest healer of them all. Treat yourself to something you've always wanted, have fun and look after number 1 :)
 
I'm in exactly the same situation.

I split up with the lady about 2 months ago, at the time I was happy. I had it in my head, if shes happy.. then i'm happy. Now this was a relationship at uni so it was always going to be difficult only seeing each other two weeks, but it worked or a while.

Basically one day she split up with me and I just let her be, probably my biggest mistake not fighting for her there and then.

I've come home for easter, fallen for her 10 times more than I ever did before and realise what i've lost, but shes not interested. Its probably the most painful thing in the world. She says shes fallen out of love with me, but I can't get my head round how you can just fall out of love with someone. There isn't anyone else I know that for a fact, she just says she doesn't want to kiss me or feel for me like that. She loves me, just isnt IN love with me.

Obviously I hate her for taking away the one thing I want, but I can't take it out on her its only feelings. I buy her flowers, I walk hours in the rain to drop letters off and she just tells me she can't be with me out of pity. It's weird because when we was together it was the other way round, she was besotted with me and I was just chilling in the stable relationship. Tables do turn I guess.

Anyways, I can't be friends with her, I fall in love with her every time I see her. It just won't work. I'm cutting off contact now, today. And i've told her that when she misses me, genuinely, she can get in contact with me.

Im a mess every day down the phone to her, and whether I speak to her or not its still going to happen, but I can't hurt her every day by her hearing my pain. So thats it, fini. for now. :(
 
Seen this from both sides so may as well say my piece.

If she said she wants to be single.. its just that, nothing more.. no other guys she wants to run away with (in most cases, yes there is a possibility but after 3 yrs it is probably not the case!).

The old "time will heal" is true, how you deal with it is up to you. Some people take longer to get over it than others and that is what is up to you.

She will be going through a lot of emotions, she would not have been with you for 3 years for nothing and she will remember the good and bad times as you will.

So as most people say taking time to do things is best, play games, mess about on the PC, take up martial arts/gym, and if a car is what you want, apply for a loan to buy a cheap car (you do not know until you try, unless you have bad credit for whatever reason).

It is over dude, it is not your fault, you didn't do anything wrong or could have made things different. You are who you are and that had nothing to do with the break up.

It is just down to her wanting to be single, once you can accept it as just that reason then you can move on.

Regarding her friends, all they will have said is what she would have confided in to them.. ie. she does not want to hurt you etc but that she wants to have fun being single. Her mates will have said its what you want that you have to do and so on and so on, you cannot blame them really.

Hope this helps in some small way.

If you take anything from this I would say to try and not have any contact as it really does make things worse in a sense that you begin to feel that you are stupid (As you will be emotional for a while).
 
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Oh and also, I think her telling me to move on is more painful than breaking up with me.

I don't want to move on, I love the girl, my head gans mental every day thinking of her, I can't just move on. Why do they tell you what to do, what they want you to do.

Wicksta said:
I doubt it would have turned out any different unfortunately.
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I'm not sure. I was supposed to be coming down to see her the week after we split, but obviously I didn't because of what happened. It was at a time I should have come home and sorted things out, it wasn't too late then.

I came home 4 weeks ago and we kissed when we met up. For me it was like the first kiss again, she couldn't even tell me how it felt. It was just habit apparently. Her answer to everything at the moment is "i dont know". Does my head in, I just want answers.
 
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Mate, i had a stunner the once, completely nuts like, comes with the territory, but she had the lot. She did the same thing, said she loved me and not in love with me, blah, blah, that it's her, that i remind her too much of an ex, that she doesn't want to get hurt again, i've used the same excuses to other girls and it's all ******. They are ncie ways of saying: "look, kinda want to try something new, someone else, i'm not staying with one persona ll my life and i'm young".

I got the truth out of her eventually, and it turns out a week after we split up, she was with her ex.

Long story short, he was a nob, got her pregnant, then left her for another girl, regrets ever leaving me and is sorry for how she did things. To be honest, if it weren't for the kid, i'd go back there as that lesson made me what i am today. I fear nothing, feel nothing and can take/deal break-ups at the drop of a hat. Lifes too short and there are too many pies i wanna taste :D
 
yep well, i dunno atm i'm trying to just forget about her, but everything in my room reminds her of me atm. slowly moving/changing stuff so i can forget her.
 
Bar said:
To summarise the many answers:

Internet has many "interesting" websites
Plenty of fish in the sea
Get hammered with some mates and see point 2
Find a hobby and keep busy
Time will heal
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hehe, you don't have to read past this point.

5* fella.
 
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