Girlfriend is religious, I'm atheist.. Can this work?

[Stuff]

I'm looking to hopefully get some unbiased input on this.. I'm an atheist, as I suspect many of you guys are too, but would appreciate views from different beliefs/cultures too if possible!

Imagine the scenario: You're atheist. Your girlfriend is a Roman Catholic/Orthodox. You've been together for two years, and it may soon be time for a baby. However, your girlfriend is concerned about your beliefs, or lack of. You respect her choices and beliefs, but can't quite understand religion, and can't accept it, due to it being completely illogical! (In your view..) You believe in science! She would want any child she has brought up with religious views, going to church on a regular basis, and brought up with the 'correct' beliefs, ideals, morals, etc..

My view on the situation is that, although being based around good principles, religion is kind of a guilt trip, and you don't need God, and the threat of burning in hell etc. to be a good person.

Her view is that having two parents that don't believe could be a deal-breaker... Even if I were to concede and agree to go to church and what-not, but still not believing and remaining atheist, it wouldn't be enough.

What is your opinion?

 

[SlyReaper]

My opinion is that raising a child to believe in God is tantamount to child abuse.

Edit: maybe that's a little harsh. By all means present the God stuff as "some people believe this", and let him or her make up his or her own mind. But to drum in that belief from an early age, to make them think they'll suffer an eternity in hell for not believing... no ****** way would I inflict that on my own flesh and blood.

 

[RDM]

I have been married to a (now lapsed) Roman Catholic for many years and my lack of faith never really caused any problems with her, though it did with the mother in law.

 

[Stuff]

My opinion is that raising a child to believe in God is tantamount to child abuse.

Ok.. That's quite extreme Why?

Thanks for teaching me a new word too!

 

[wickfut]

 

[The__Malteser]

We have seen this so many times. Everyone says it won't work.

I say it will. You let her go to church and do your thing. She lets yo do your thing (or lack of).

Before you have kids, talk about it. Imo, you can raise a kid in that environment.

I do think the Roman Catholic morals (no stealing, love your neighbor etc.) are good, but I don't believe the church thing.

As a kid, present him both things, and see what he prefers.

 

[SlyReaper]

Ok.. That's quite extreme Why?

Thanks for teaching me a new word too!

I made an edit to my post to qualify it.

 

[Nevakonaza]

If she really loves you,It shouldn't matter whether your religious or not....don't let her push you into anything you don't truly believe in just to make her happy.

Like mentioned,let her do her thing and you do yours i cant see what the issue is to be honest.

 

[Stuff]

As a kid, present him both things, and see what he prefers.

That was also part of my argument.. Let's educate the child to a whole host of different religions, but also teach science and the ideas of the big bang, evolution, etc. and let the child choose what to believe.

Her thoughts are that when she was younger, it would have been so much easier to not be religious due to all the restrictions she had on her life, so that is what the child would choose. I'm unsure..

 

[Destination]

My opinion is that raising a child to believe in God is tantamount to child abuse.

Doesn't help the OP much, nor does it help more than half the worlds population who disgree with you, or the percentage who would call for your death due to that view.

Okay OP, my advice, talk to her, as if you are going to attempt to argue this point or use it to select or deselect religion or schooling for your child after it is born, then you are insane.
You need to work this out now, and first you need to know if having your child raised religiously bothers you enough to make you care. If it does, the. Either get new GF, or don't have a kid.

Its that brutally simple.

 

[Gogl]

If atheism is a problem, convert to Islam.

 

[SlyReaper]

Doesn't help the OP much, nor does it help more than half the worlds population who disgree with you, or the percentage who would call for your death due to that view.

The OP asked for opinions on whether to raise his child as religious or not. I think my post fulfilled that requirement quite well.

As for the folks who would want me dead for saying such a thing... I think that says a lot about religion, does it not?

 

[hurfdurf]

My opinion is that raising a child to believe in God is tantamount to child abuse.

Edit: maybe that's a little harsh. By all means present the God stuff as "some people believe this", and let him or her make up his or her own mind. But to drum in that belief from an early age, to make them think they'll suffer an eternity in hell for not believing... no ****** way would I inflict that on my own flesh and blood.

I don't think its a little harsh. The way most kids are raised with religion is by people who barely understand it themselves, the rules are twisted to suite their own needs and ill thought out opinions, and then they use it as a punishing stick, with the end game being "if you do not submit, you will burn in hell", as if threatening someone with punishment for not agreeing with them is acceptable these days.

The question you have to ask yourself is, why are you with someone who is supportive of such behaviour?

 

[AJK]

Okay OP, my advice, talk to her, as if you are going to attempt to argue this point or use it to select or deselect religion or schooling for your child after it is born, then you are insane.
You need to work this out now, and first you need to know if having your child raised religiously bothers you enough to make you care. If it does, the. Either get new GF, or don't have a kid.

Its that brutally simple.

Can't agree with this more. If you don't agree on something now, you'll never compromise later, not in any way you find acceptable. To be honest, that you've not addressed this issue up to now is remarkable.

 

[Destination]

People are suggesting you give the kid the options, this won't happen, no one gets presented with lots of religious beliefs and scienec facts and gets left to make up their own mind. no one.
If the child goes to a Catholic school it will be taught religion and expected to believe that teaching, it does teach a nice firm moral code, much kess lax than is reported, but it is a nice code.

Talk to your GF, now. Ask her if she thinks your child will have a religious or secular upbringing.

Additionally, are you aethetist or agnostic?
Catholics quite happily believe in the big bang, and evolution, vatican guidance supports science, their view is something akin to physic is the rules by which it all works, God set the rules and created the physics. Its isn't quite like teh fundaMENTAList Christian beliefs which work around believeing every word which is written in a text.
Catholism isn't like that.

 

[Doohickey]

In pretty much the same situation, except I'm agnostic I suppose. Girlfriend has asked me a few times now if I'd come to church with her. I said I would, if I could bring my iPad. In other words, no.

I have thought about potential issues, but I figured, if she cared *that* much, she wouldn't be with me... (I think). As for kids, I really don't know. Sure, I would let them make their own minds up, but obviously they can't do that from the beginning. And I'm pretty sure she'd want to raise them as Roman Catholic, I don't know how I feel about that.

 

[itsjoojoo]

As I see it, it all boils down to if you both can live and accept each others freedom to follow what ever you belive. If not then a child will grow up in an enviroment of disagreement and all that this causes.
Acceptance for some can be very difficult, and in this day and age where the world argues that there belifes are best we need people to learn to accept difference.
My point being, bringing a child up within an enviroment where difference is not celebrated only creates a negative ripple effect both within the household but also within society.
As this is a difficult subject for some, please be aware that this is only my veiwpoint and to either agree or disagree may be right for you, awareness of needs can be a personal thing.

 

[Stuff]

Okay OP, my advice, talk to her, as if you are going to attempt to argue this point or use it to select or deselect religion or schooling for your child after it is born, then you are insane.
You need to work this out now, and first you need to know if having your child raised religiously bothers you enough to make you care. If it does, the. Either get new GF, or don't have a kid.

Its that brutally simple.

We had a discussion earlier, but didn't get very far.. We both strongly believe our own views, and although I don't see it as a problem, she does.

If atheism is a problem, convert to Islam.

There's some logic there! Will she still accept me?! She better

I don't think its a little harsh. The way most kids are raised with religion is by people who barely understand it themselves, the rules are twisted to suite their own needs and ill thought out opinions, and then they use it as a punishing stick, with the end game being "if you do not submit, you will burn in hell", as if threatening someone with punishment for not agreeing with them is acceptable these days.

The question you have to ask yourself is, why are you with someone who is supportive of such behaviour?

She's an amazing person; very kind and selfless, with religion playing a very small part in daily life. I agree on the 'punishing stick' philosophy, but she doesn't see it like that. As I said, I don't see religion and her beliefs as an issue, but she sees my lack of.. as a problem.

 

[PlacidCasual]

You may not have to believe to make it work, but you do have to be able to respect her beliefs. I don't know you so I can't infer how you behave but Ithink it's an important question you'll have to answer. Lack of respect can be utter poison for a relationship.

As to how the child is raised,in ths day and age children are exposed to such a wide array of beliefs at such a young age and the general trend of society to secularism that they'll quickly work out for themselves if they have faith.

 

[Nitefly]

Two years and a kid!

I went to a Church of England primary school and think the message was generally good, maybe bible stories for 15 minutes a week if that and the occasional prayer. Just don't ram it down his throat at all times.

Basically it'll work if either of you aren't total douchbags.