Have I run too far to get home?

[miracleboy]

I am 42, eat poorly, drink too much, smoke, probably alcohol dependent, borderline painkiller addiction. But I want to change. I feel ill most of the time, and self medicate to try and make myself feel better. I know it's my own fault, no-one else to blame. But I feel time is right to try and make a change, but am worried it's too late but more importantly that I don't have the courage required to do it.

I want to feel fit, to have a healthy body and mind and to feel in control which I certainly don't at the moment.

I know there is no magic pill I can take to sort this out, that it needs to come from within but need support, from those with more control, from those who know, and from those who care.

I suppose I feel it easier to admit my weaknesses to people I don't personally know, as I don't have the courage to do so to those I know and love.

I just need to know it's possible and how to take that first step.

 

[miracleboy]

Thank you all so much for your kind and encouraging words, it means more than you'll ever know.

I still took painkillers today, because I feel awful if I don't. And still had a drink tonight for the same reason.

But one small step, I went to the local vape shop today and have been trying out new apple flavour - no cigarettes today for the first time in two years.

A very small step, but feels great to have the support of people I have never met but clearly care. So thank you all