Help

[M0T]

2 years ago my grandad died of a heart attack brought about by a genetic condition he had, 2 weeks ago my mum got very ill and when tested was found to have the same defect. I am scared I am going to lose her.

My dad is severely depressed after his divorce. Mental illness, particularly depression, runs in his family - In the last 30 years 8 people on his side of the family have been diagnosed with severe depression and 6 of them commited suicide. I'm scared I'll lose him too.

A year ago my little sister attempted suicide by swallong 30 paracetamol pills but was luckily gotten to the hospital in time. Even now she has severe mood swings and is almost completely off the rails despite the professional help she has. I am frightened that one day I'll get a call and she will have been found in a ditch somewhere.

My older sister gets quite depressed and is away at uni, she doesn't like coming home because everything is so messed up. If she does come home she gets into fights with my younger sister. Its like I already lost her.

I try and keep everything together, and most of the time I sort of manage by just acting like a clown and pretending like it doesn't matter. Tonight I was out with my friends in a bar in town and I noticed that everybody had someone and I was alone. I have a 'friend' who is trying to convince me she wants to be friends whilst simultaneously acting like she wants more, I am completely in love with her. I can't say anything because I am afraid I'll lose her as well.

I had an amazing friend for a while who I told everything to, she really helped me out before falling for me and deciding that she couldn't see me any more. So I already lost her.

My best mate lost his brother last year to suicide, I was there that evening so he doesn't really like seeing me because it reminds him of the stuff that happened, so thats someone else I have lost.

I feel like I am in a hole and sometimes I think it would be easier to just give up. Everyday is a struggle to even get out of bed.

 

[M0T]

don't put pressure on yourself by making yourself be the person that holds everything together.

Its not me that does it, everyone else tells me that I am just like my grandad and I hold everything together just like he did and I don't want to let them know I'm not because I'm scared that without me everything will fall apart.

I wanted to go to uni in manchester but in the end my mum basically told me that if I wasn't here she'd have a nervous breakdown. What are you supposed to say to that?

 

[M0T]

All you can really do is re-assure her and that you will be able to help out throughout the course of your studies but you cannot afford to waste your opportunities as they are soon gone.

I am already through my first year right now, because of the fact that I didn't really want to be at that uni I haven't enjoyed it that much.

I also believe this is the reason that the girl I like says she only wants to be friends, when we first met I was very stand offish and I put her off and think I made all her friends hate me. About the time I started opening up to her is when things started changing, but her friends still don't like me and I can understand why.

 

[M0T]

My younger sister who is 15 just got home from a night out totally plastered. And my older sister who came back for a few days left without saying anything to anyone, so now I am back to being in the middle of a total warzone between my mum and sister.

At least my mate got some action last night, found himself a nice lad. He deserves it cos hes been feeling so lonely lately. I think my chances of some feel better sex were severely hampered by being on lesbian protection duty (one of my female friends has a gay friend who comes on to her all the time. So generally we erotically dance with each other to put her off. Alas we were on the stage in full view of all...)