Hi, my name's Jeff.

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Hi, my name's Jeffery and I'm an alien.

I'm new to this planet and wish to learn all I can about it.

I'm curious as to understand its politics, its history, its endeavours, its achievements and what makes it tick. I want the good and the bad; anything and everything you think I should know. Tell me things that an outsider could never know from simple observation.

In your own words, I want you to teach me about the planet Earth.

****ing immigrants.
 
Welcome to Earth Jeff.
I see you have adopted a good Earthly name there kudos.
You should enjoy our wonderful planet while you still can, we have an amazing yet failing climate, our wildlife is dying out, we are over populated (mainly because china breed like rabbits) oh and rabbits are cute furry little snacks.
Our behaviour replicates that of a virus, we invade, take over, multiply and soon enough destroy everything before we move on to our next site.

Be warned though the french will eat you (as they do everything) and avoid the US there are way too many red-necks there who want revenger for previous probing!

But other than that keep your arms and legs in the planet at all times and enjoy the ride.
 
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