How Quick is Too Quick or Too Long?

[SpellowHouse]

So, your partner has passed on.
How long do you think is "normal, everything is fine" for someone to move on an get another relationship, and how long is "abnormal, there is something wrong"?
When I say "how long" that could be either too fast or too slow.

 

[SpellowHouse]

Have events from the other thread taken a turn?

No, this is another sibling. My brother died last year. His missus has just declared she is with another guy. Almost one year to the dot. It strikes me that something is slightly wrong, it's a little too fast in my opinion.

 

[SpellowHouse]

You seem to have a lot of that recently

You mean you have no opinions?

 

[SpellowHouse]

I suspect poison!
But, no, seriously, it's a forum. Forums are about discussion, not minding your business!
It's just a human thing. How long does it take to fully recover from the loss of a partner? It seems to me that one year is not really enough. Is someone who moves in to another relationship in that time just on the rebound? Or is everything fine?

 

[SpellowHouse]

Why, are you going to top your sister's hubby?

I'm not asking for advice here, I was just interested to hear what people had to say.

 

[SpellowHouse]

Seems it divides in to two. The men-folk think a year is fine, the women folk think it's too soon. Well, that's my family, anyway.

 

[SpellowHouse]

Do you think he'd want her to sit around mourning his loss for more than a year?...life is short and a year seems reasonable to me

Absolutely he would. He would prefer she suffered in torment for at least 10 years. He would be furious.

 

[SpellowHouse]

A bit like you then

Not really. I am more sort of inclined to think that people who get in to relationships, as I define it as "too fast", are just lonely rather than wise. So, worried would be a better word to use rather than angry. Brother was the jealous type though, so am sure he would have been angry!

 

[SpellowHouse]

Watching this in my family, I can see the divisions forming!

It's the women who consider one year too soon. The men think one year is fine.

Because everyone reacts to death differently and sometimes seeing a parent with someone new can be incredibly hard, or maybe they think she is a gold digger come to steal their inheritance! Surprisingly common reaction especially if the new partner is younger I’ve seen it literally rip families apart, money can make people crazy.

Actually you are surprisingly right!
Two of the women in my family are outraged by the development. They are now talking about "since he died all she has done is party", yet they never questioned this until another "he" appeared on the scene.
They are contemplating confronting the man ... as if it's his fault!! (at this point I step back and hide in a cupboard).
Oh, god, the anger is unbelievable.

 

[SpellowHouse]

Envy is a terrible thing

Not their type. Although I have to say that he looks like a really nice guy.

 

[SpellowHouse]

I meant more envious of her enjoying the single life, non-stop partying etc.



I'd reserve judgement on that until you find out whether he plans on paying towards the bills...

My sister suspects the opposite . My brother was her second husband. She got a big house from the first, a big fat bank account and three more houses from my brother.