Irrational Thoughts

kinetic747

kinetic747

kinetic747

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Joined
2 Apr 2006
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3,744
Just need to get this down on paper so here goes. We have one child, a 26 year old daughter who's done well for herself. She has a decent job at the local hospital and owns her own house, well 50% of it as she did well to have a 50% deposit with help from family. What do I have to worry about? Well I'm 60 years old in reasonable health but waiting for an ablation to correct a heart rhythm issue. The problem is that I'm absolutely terrified of dying early and leaving my daughter to fend for herself. Yes she's capable of doing so, but she always turns to me for advice or help when needed, entirely natural and I love to help out. She's on her own unfortunately, as her one and only relationship ended a couple of years ago and there's been no one since. She's very close to my wife and has a circle of close friends, so I know she'd never be truly on her own. I'm on the verge of asking for professional help as I can't seem to get these thoughts out of my head.:(
 
kinetic747 said:
Just need to get this down on paper so here goes. We have one child, a 26 year old daughter who's done well for herself. She has a decent job at the local hospital and owns her own house, well 50% of it as she did well to have a 50% deposit with help from family. What do I have to worry about? Well I'm 60 years old in reasonable health but waiting for an ablation to correct a heart rhythm issue. The problem is that I'm absolutely terrified of dying early and leaving my daughter to fend for herself. Yes she's capable of doing so, but she always turns to me for advice or help when needed, entirely natural and I love to help out. She's on her own unfortunately, as her one and only relationship ended a couple of years ago and there's been no one since. She's very close to my wife and has a circle of close friends, so I know she'd never be truly on her own. I'm on the verge of asking for professional help as I can't seem to get these thoughts out of my head.:(
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Rationalise.

Are you parents both still alive? If not how did you cope when they died?
 
I think those are just general thoughts of being a parent. I don't think you ever really stop worrying, although i suppose if it's having a negative affect on your mental help then maybe it is worth trying to speak to someone.
 
It's natural all parents think of these things, it's not irrational at all. But if you want to seek help, you should do, don't feel bad about it.
 
As a father of slightly younger children I understand how you feel. One of my goals as a father was to get them to a point where they could survive without me. It sounds like you have achieved that.

My father died when I was in my early 30's. I appreciate that is older than your daughter. But I never truly felt am adult until he did. It forced me to step up and take control of certain things in my life. So don't underestimate what you're children can do without you.
 
I remember when we used to laugh at Japanese people for staying single, seems as if modern society is slowly heading down a road where relationships are only for the people who can be bothered with online dating
 
By the sounds of it she’s doing really well for a 26yo in this day and age. I wouldn’t worry, it is normal but all you can do is spend as much quality time as possible with her and that is it. Death is something a lot of think and worry about but being real, we can’t change it or control it.
 
I imagine most parents have that fear deep down but a health scare can bring those feelings to the foreground. At 26 it sounds like your daughter is doing perfectly fine, a house, a good relationship with parents, and a close group of friends is more than most 26yo have. As a 27 year old none of my friends could say the same :)

She will continue to do well when you're not there either, try not to dwell on it and enjoy the time you have now. If those thoughts are effecting you deeply then there's nothing wrong with seeking some help and advise, the only thing i'd say is if you're going down the NHS route then it's good to get the ball rolling early. Best of luck :)
 
She must be doing ok to have her own place at 26 (even with help) so sounds like she has her head screwed on. Being single isn't a big deal these days and 26 is still young anyway so as long as she is happy then it really isn't an issue.

Worth talking to someone about your worries though, 60 isn't exactly old either so a health scare can be extremely worrying and make people reassess things.
 
arknor said:
I remember when we used to laugh at Japanese people for staying single, seems as if modern society is slowly heading down a road where relationships are only for the people who can be bothered with online dating
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I'm pretty glad to have found my wife. Dating these days seems like a really difficult experience. Maybe it's always been like that as you get older, but from seeing the experiences a few friends have and my sister who's early 40's it all seems pretty unpleasant.
 
Thanks everyone. I guess the knowledge my dark thoughts are irrational is a start, as she's very well placed to do perfectly well without me. It could be that my heart issue, albeit relatively minor, is making me aware of my own mortality. Anyway, I feel a little better having spoken the words out loud, not always easy as I'm sure a lot of you are aware.:)
 
kinetic747 said:
Thanks everyone. I guess the knowledge my dark thoughts are irrational is a start, as she's very well placed to do perfectly well without me. It could be that my heart issue, albeit relatively minor, is making me aware of my own mortality. Anyway, I feel a little better having spoken the words out loud, not always easy as I'm sure a lot of you are aware.:)
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Yeah it's understandable.

My wife has a condition called M.E, and a history of cancer in her family where people have died quite young. Her kids dad is pretty useless, and whilst i have a good relationship with them, they ultimately go to her for everything because she's always been there for them and whilst she knows i'll always be there for them too. Even though she (hopefully) won't be going anywhere soon, i know she has similar worries as to how they'd cope without her.
 
kinetic747 said:
Just need to get this down on paper so here goes. We have one child, a 26 year old daughter who's done well for herself. She has a decent job at the local hospital and owns her own house, well 50% of it as she did well to have a 50% deposit with help from family. What do I have to worry about? Well I'm 60 years old in reasonable health but waiting for an ablation to correct a heart rhythm issue. The problem is that I'm absolutely terrified of dying early and leaving my daughter to fend for herself. Yes she's capable of doing so, but she always turns to me for advice or help when needed, entirely natural and I love to help out. She's on her own unfortunately, as her one and only relationship ended a couple of years ago and there's been no one since. She's very close to my wife and has a circle of close friends, so I know she'd never be truly on her own. I'm on the verge of asking for professional help as I can't seem to get these thoughts out of my head.:(
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Every parent is like that I imagine my mother is the same she's paranoid anything will/can happen to me, I'm fine but really she should be worrying about herself she's in a far worse position than I am and your daughter sounds fine to me too (I think my mother would wrap me in cotton wool if she could)
 
@kinetic747 I'm sorry to read of your situation.

What do you want? Better personal health or a new relationship for your daughter?

Try widening your daughter's social circle and hopefully it will encourage the next phase of her life.

And enjoy as much life as you can with her whilst you can.
 
kinetic747 said:
Just need to get this down on paper so here goes. We have one child, a 26 year old daughter who's done well for herself. She has a decent job at the local hospital and owns her own house, well 50% of it as she did well to have a 50% deposit with help from family. What do I have to worry about? Well I'm 60 years old in reasonable health but waiting for an ablation to correct a heart rhythm issue. The problem is that I'm absolutely terrified of dying early and leaving my daughter to fend for herself. Yes she's capable of doing so, but she always turns to me for advice or help when needed, entirely natural and I love to help out. She's on her own unfortunately, as her one and only relationship ended a couple of years ago and there's been no one since. She's very close to my wife and has a circle of close friends, so I know she'd never be truly on her own. I'm on the verge of asking for professional help as I can't seem to get these thoughts out of my head.:(
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Don’t worry about the ablation, they’re a piece of cake. If you’re waiting for an ablation, then I assume it will be an atrial arrhythmia like A-Fib. Lots of people live into old age with those. Plus, if the ablation works, you’ll be cured anyway. What do the docs say about your heart function in general?
 
Speak to anyone about it out loud. Your human brain that thinks logically will tell the illogical emotional side of your brain everything is going to be ok. Your daughter is a grown woman that is very capable.
 
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