Is it all a bit boring?

[Orangeade]

I will happily accept that I will probably get snarky comments at this thread but hopefully can have a discussion on it in good faith.

I am a bit bored with it all.

Not in a depressive sense but more just logistically. I am missing a purpose of any real intent and I wonder possibly if its due to the lack of family or if I've just had it too easy?

Caveat:

Life wasn't that easy growing up, difficult circumstances (yawn). But it got better in my 20's had a long relationship so experienced the highs of that. Had the lows of unrequited love. Had the casual relationships.

Enjoyed university immensely, got lucky with careers and my investments, purchased houses, cars, live in the best area, got an income that allows me to buy anything and everything. I'm not young having just left my 20s but still have a lot of energy. So I've been without and now I have, so it's not like I've known no other life...

And I say this with no intention of bragging, almost the opposite as I feel utterly without purpose and thus without any real happiness. There is nothing really to achieve in the hunter gatherer sense of the word of basic survival. I will admit that I work pretty hard, and I don't really have many hobbies outside of that as I see most of them as pointless. (Lots of socialising though..)

I wonder if this malaise is actually stronger in society than we admit, if we all have a it a bit too easy (to varying extents naturally) and if that's why people are becoming more polarised/extreme to give themselves more "passion" or purpose. Feels like people with more "difficult" lives have far more "purpose" or things to aim for? (Very Tolstoy...)

Or is it just an issue with myself? I've toyed with the idea that maybe a family or something might help, but it's a bit of a gamble (and a selfish one at that...) so I'm looking to get other people's experiences and opinions on the matter?

Sorry for the rambling Sunday thoughts.

 

[Orangeade]

Have you thought about taking up stalking? That can be very time consuming Ive heard.

Was hoping for a more interesting first post but take what given I guess...

And no....

 

[Orangeade]

Worst 'I'm loaded' thread ever.

I know it comes across as that but is genuinely not meant to be interpreted as that. I gave as a context to show the issue is not ironically to do with material things but an absence of anything else.

 

[Orangeade]

Have kids then you'll no time or money.

Guessing you are speaking from experience? Is it worth it in your eyes? Did hit help you find your path?

 

[Orangeade]

But you just repeating the same thing, your kids will probably ask the same in 20 years time or so.

I often wonder if animals get bored or they not smart enough to be bored if that makes sense?

Agreed but maybe possibly I am starting to realise that I am not overly special and that I won't be finding the answer to life. Pass the baton on and all that instead...

 

[Orangeade]

Find a passion, try new things, find a hobby/sport/activity that gives you something to strive for. Make time for it. Dont just dismiss it as pointless or a waste of time. Just keep trying new things and keep trying until you find something you like. Easiest way to start is to find out what your friends enjoy doing and tagging along, you get the social aspect as well as trying out a new potential hobby. If you are in a relationship or are looking for one, its a perfect opportunity to try out new things together.

I've had so many hobbies and interests over the last 15/20 years that I couldnt remember them all. Most I've left by the wayside as I've moved on to other things, others stay with me since my teens. Most of my free time currently is taken up with Fishing and Mountain biking. If i'm back visiting home in Scotland I wont pass up the opportunity for some hill walking.

You need to give yourself purpose, a goal, something to achieve. Its not something that everyone just has. Once you have purpose you will find some sort of satisfaction in life.

I can enjoy such activities (and I have a few) but I would be lying if I ever felt a sense of purpose or point beyond putting in time and enjoying a random evening or weekend from it...

 

[Orangeade]

Interesting that you should refer to Tolstoy who after years of soul searching eventually took comfort from his religious beliefs



I have heard this more than a few times from folks who have pursued an career and not developed any life outside work, (not quite your situation, I know), albeit folks in their late 30's/40's
Having a family is not a golden ticket, although can be a great comfort
I always wanted kids and got what I wanted, but I can honestly say beyond the age of around 7 or 8, I've found it to be the most unrewarding experience, and I often question whether having them was a good decision

Many/most people derive fulfillment in their lives through their relationships to other people, whether that's an intimate relationship or something less close
I see you talked about lots of socialising - seems to me that you don't seem to be getting much out of it (?)

So you need to either change your mental approach, or change your external world - simple

Yes, Tolstoy nearly drove himself mad with the thoughts of purpose and point. I think it probably does boil down to religion giving a meaning and context beyond the physical gratification that can be sought.

Interesting perspective on the children front thanks for sharing, I can see how that could happen. And again without a proper context or framework it's probably just a plaster though I think maybe it's something I should be aiming more for.

And very astute for the socialising element. You are right, a lot of it is very hollow (driven by environment in which I operate). I think having a meaningful relationship again would help a lot (would also lead to the children element hopefully). Maybe I did not get over my previous person who broke up with me. Maybe this is what is driving a lot of that angst. Which would imply that I would need to mature up a bit...

 

[Orangeade]

Hi Again,

Have you considered religion? Maybe go spend a few weeks with each of the big ones. See what its all about.

Used to be quite religious which I think actually helped. I do think without it the whole idea becomes a lot more pointless....

I think the problem comes from relativism....I am relatively well off in most areas of my life, so any increase is minimal so no real "change" can be found there. I think I need to focus more on personal relationships and create something more tangible.

I have someone interested in me, but I'm not sure if the girl I was seeing before is still wagging me in my mind. Urgh.

 

[Orangeade]

Just resurrecting this.

Been off alcohol for a bit now, exercising more, reduced work hours. Given myself plenty of time to think. Didn't do anything.

Don't think it's depression but I'm definitely not firing on all cylinders. Can't shake the feeling it's all for nothing.

There's just no challenge at the moment. Think it's going to have to be something irrational like love or a crisis.

So yeah..

 

[Orangeade]

Very true! Think the pandemic been a rough time for getting more involved but the excuse wears thin.

Also I need to reduce my working hours a lot, only recently realised how insanely hard I've been focusing on it. I'm never going to work 50 hour weeks but there is a compromise in there.