i get ya, shouldnt new cpu`s be able to take the extra strain though?
Well they are rated to 1333MHz, just like the old s1156 CPUs - however I hear they can run RAM at even higher speeds that before, but that is very much in the overclocking realm (you would need to increase CPU voltages like QPI to hit these higher speeds).
my understanding is all the new tech will only run at 1333mhz unless overclocked? yet theres 2000mhz ram on the market?
This is where the terminology gets complicated - you can overclock 3 main things with these modern systems. The CPU, the memory and the memory controller (which is on the CPU).
The way CPU overclocking works with these sandy bridge chips is with increasing the unlocked CPU multiplier. This means you don't change the bus speed (stays at or close to 100MHz) and the memory can stay at stock 1333MHz speed even when you are running 4GHz+ on the CPU.
When you overclock the RAM you are running it at a higher than rated speed (eg. buying a 1600MHz kit and running it at 1800MHz). I would not suggest doing this tbh - I would suggest buying the RAM of the speed you want and keep it at this speed. From what I've seen - the performance benefits of overclocking modern DDR3 (especially when it doesn't limit overclocking) are not very big.
Finally, for overclocking the memory controller - this is running memory at a speed higher than the CPU's rated speed (with the SB chips this is 1333MHz). If you buy a 1600MHz kit and run it at this speed then you will not be overclocking the memory - but you will be overclocking the memory controller.
If you want to run ram at 2000MHz then you need to get lucky with the CPU memory controller and get one that handle these speeds. This is all luck of the draw.
with the 1600mhz xms3 stuff iv bought itl run at 1333mhz out of the box yes?
It will most likely run at 1066MHz 1.5V (determined by the motherboard). You will need to set the frequency, voltage and timings manually or activate the XMP memory profile in the BIOS.
then if i decide to overclock the cpu i have to overclock the ram too?
No - you should be able to keep the RAM at 1600MHz and clock the CPU to the sky.
but then if i decide to add more of the same ram to double up i have to then reclock the ram to suit?
You would probably have to redo your overclock. Specifically increasing your QPI voltage and possibly reducing your RAM frequency.
is any of this dependant on the board?
Not really - just get a board with a BIOS you are happy to work with.