Is Skyrim Teaching Your Children How to Perform “Rim Jobs” and Other Homo Erotic Sex Maneuvers?

bhavv · 28 Nov 2011 at 00:06

http://christwire.org/2011/11/is-sk...rim-jobs-and-other-homo-erotic-sex-maneuvers/

In games like Skyrim, players are teleported to far away lands that are cream filled with demonic spell crafting, violent shirtless blood shed and exposed not only Satanic critters, but bombarded with gay under tones of fecal fornication.

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Before the player gets to take control of his avatar, they are asked to create a character, which is purely the liberal’s way of teaching out kids that modifying and gender changing one’s self is fun and normal.

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Now that the player is free, they will spend the next 400 hours robbing people, killing villagers, crafting sexual items, fornicate with elves and other Harry Potter style animals and also learn how to conjure up black magic.

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The graphics of this game are way too realistic for the type of blood shed they ejaculate all over the player’s CPU monitor.

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When a player casts a spell, you will see the hand gesture is that of how homosexuals fling devil DNA juices at each other after a long night of fecal frenzy ass assassinations. This is subliminally teaching your children that they need to go in their rooms, demon whack their sin staff and produce sin milk into their hands and than fling it in the face of the first person they come in contact with after their taint tugging session.

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Once they player has finish killing all the people in Skyrim, his final battle is to have a mass dragon orgy with his fellow homosexual warriors he meets on his way and all take turns impregnating the dragon with homosexual dragon eggs. Once the dragon has been backdoor feasted, the player must kill it. The dragon needs to be killed, so the spirit of death and gayness can enter the new eggs and reek havoc onto the rest of the world. This new destruction will be playable in the next Skyrim saga.

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Lolwut???????

Gimpymoo · 28 Nov 2011 at 00:08

There is an established thread in GD about this (Obviously, is perfectly fine here too).

It is a spoof site.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christwire

Too many lols.

Fens · 28 Nov 2011 at 00:10

Ahh good old Christwire, I love reading all the comments from people going nuts who don't realise it is a satirical site

bhavv · 28 Nov 2011 at 00:10

Oh, I didnt check in GD, I thought it would have been in gaming.

Klo · 28 Nov 2011 at 00:11

Spoof website

piggeh · 28 Nov 2011 at 00:12

If you do learn that one of your children’s friends doesn’t have proper parents and allows them to play on such vile machines, make sure your child knows that by playing with this friend will go against God and would send his soul to the fire pits of Hell.

If you notice your son has become more light headed around the house, this is a definite warning that he has been Skyrim jobbing.

lol, Christian Troll is trolling

wilber · 28 Nov 2011 at 10:16

Damn i laughed hard at some of those descriptions! Good job i didnt have coffee in my mouth!

Adsta · 28 Nov 2011 at 10:24

When a player casts a spell, you will see the hand gesture is that of how homosexuals fling devil DNA juices at each other after a long night of fecal frenzy ass assassinations.

That seriously made me laugh so hard im crying. FLINGING DEVIL DNA JUICE !!! GO GO GO !

demon whack their sin staff and produce sin milk into their hands and than fling it in the face of the first person they come in contact with after their taint tugging session.

HAHAHAHAHA ! stop it stop lol

Scougar · 28 Nov 2011 at 10:25

lol... it's a rip at the certain Christian groups that come up with really wacky stuff. This is just a **** take article basically. (Check out "the register" article on the article).

FrenchTart · 28 Nov 2011 at 10:36

Best Skyrim review ever. Now I've got a good reason to buy it.

JimAroo · 28 Nov 2011 at 10:38

Just look at the authors previous articles, says it all. ;D

marc1024 · 28 Nov 2011 at 10:40

I want to loose my 21 years of being a virgin to a man now

thanks skyrim!

trolololololo

krz1 · 28 Nov 2011 at 10:54

Icy Spear – The Icy Spear is the name of an actual weapon in the game of Skyrim, but on the gay streets, it is where a gay freezes their meat banana with ice cubes and than forcefully injects their partner’s demon tunnel with their icy flesh spear.

man, that website is fantastic rofl

Marky · 28 Nov 2011 at 10:54

Haha hilarious

franco_22 · 28 Nov 2011 at 10:55

The graphics of this game are way too realistic for the type of blood shed they ejaculate all over the player’s CPU monitor.

Am I the only one that got angry at that :mad:

That's pretty good trolling thou, We can't assume someone is that idiotic about something. And I finished Skyrim already and haven't had the chance to fornicate any pretty elves

Sleepery · 28 Nov 2011 at 11:08

franco_22 said:
Am I the only one that got angry at that

I think that's part of the trolling mate

Beasty · 28 Nov 2011 at 11:11

Comedy gold, love Christwire

trickycurve · 28 Nov 2011 at 11:16

I used to read some of the stuff on The Landover Baptist Church website (forums) for lols (well, some guy I knew always linked me to threads), but I have to say Christwire is so much funnier.

Lithon · 28 Nov 2011 at 12:43

"This is subliminally teaching your children that they need to go in their rooms, demon whack their sin staff and produce sin milk into their hands and than fling it in the face of the first person they come in contact with after their taint tugging session"

The spiderman!