Is there a scale to "love"?

[Freefaller]

Random thread alert.

I went out for dinner with some friends last week and the topic of love came up (following a conversation about the universe which was mind bending).

We were exploring whether or not saying "I love you" means the same to different people, or if you mean it in the same way towards different recipients. Also what the cultural elements are. Some countries use it sparingly, some use it pretty much all the time, some it is shown overtly others in a more reserved way.

Personally I feel that the word changes based on the person receiving it and the person saying it.

i.e. I have children, and the love for them is somewhat different to the love I have for my wife. Similarly the love I have for my wife is different to that of my parents and siblings. And again towards friends and other members of the family etc...

It is 1 word that carries a lot of nuance (I guess most words do to a certain degree?), and it depends on context, and when it is said. i.e. a drunken "I love you" to the person you're dating after a week is probably less impactful that sharing a life altering event like a wedding, childbirth, etc...

A couple of my friends were adamant that it's a word and should be used in the context / purpose that it was, and that if you say the word love in a different context it "lessens" the word. I sort of get it, but then I'm also of the view that context / situation matters.

I mean I love my kids to a level that's actually an overwhelming visceral experience. If that's not love what is it? They said it's more complicated than love as they are "flesh and blood" and there's a bond that goes beyond love. I kinda get it, but does that mean there isn't a word to describe the love for your own kids?

I then said, what about my friends (life-long friends) there's love there. The sort of love where you'd travel across the world to be there for them. They said, that's a different bond, it's an intellectual, life experience bond, shared hardship and pleasure over years of time. However, I argued that surely it's just a different level of love. They said, no it's friendship, you care for each other, but love is different.

To be honest they made some good arguments but I can't entirely remember all of them! It was a fun evening

Ultimately for me if you can spread love and nice words like love rather than anything else it's a win in my book! However I guess their point was if you weaken the impact of the word it has less of an effect?

Yes, I have weird conversations with my friends...

 

[Freefaller]

Words mean different things to different people, only you can know the meaning you attribute to those words.

But people "receiving" or hearing those words are also allowed to attribute their own meaning to them irregardless of what your intention/meaning was originally.

Language is messy and complex

That's a great thought and what I was trying to convey. Interpretation is the key to communicating, sometimes even if you're 100% clear in your language people will react differently. There's a cultural element too I think.

 

[Freefaller]

Did you consider linguistics? Like how many words for love there are in different languages? English has just the one word but do other languages have more?

Yes great question!

That's actually what spurred the topic. As English isn't my first language and some of my friends round the table were in the same position it's what made the conversation interesting. (Our dinner lasted over 4hrs... bloody foreigners eh? )

I think you've hit a really important point.

 

[Freefaller]

I agree with you, not your friends.

I think what others have pointed out is linguistics issue and the fact that the word love has different connotations in different languages as well.

For example in french if you "J'aime les frites" that translates as I like chips. No one in France would assume you "love" chips.

However if you say "je t'aime" it means "I love you" by adding the objective in the sentence it changed the meaning. Similarly with j'adore - it's not the same as "I adore" which again in French you'd say "je t'adore" to make it towards a living thing.

I have caught myself saying "oh I love that!" Whereas I have no loving feelings, I just like it a lot.

I guess it's about using less words to be emphatic. So love has become a scalable word but at the same time has it lost some of it's power?

 

[Freefaller]

What's wrong with loving chips? In your op you said love can be scalable, but now you're assuming that it can only be directed towards a living thing?

Also established long ago that English is the best language.

Love.

That's it. Say it to whatever you want to.

That's my point in France depending on what objective you use and how you use the word, the word no longer becomes "love" - but actually "like". So the word changes meaning.

Yes I think the word love has been rendered scalable, but that was the discussion we were having, should it be, and have we just over used the word?

I just thought it was interesting how in english the word love is used so emphatically state something, even though it's a word that wouldn't be used in other parts of the world to mean the same thing. We were wondering whether or not the words "I love you" actually have the same impact.

Personally I think it does have the impact, if you understand the context, and the nuance of the word and how it's used. It's just interesting how broad a word it has become. I guess it's like the "F" word, it's now so common it can be used for literally anything!

That's very sweet that you think that's a weird conversation.

Well it probably is compared to the demographic of OcUK!

 

[Freefaller]

I don't think it's even a debate, there is definitely a scale.
Leaving aside the sick-bucket, the phrase "I love you more each day" implies it is a scale rather than being a binary thing.
Falling in/out of love seems to be a gradual process rather than an on/off switch.

I think it's important not to conflate the 'scale' of love with the 'type' of love. You can love partners to varying degrees, you can love family members to varying degrees, etc. It's multi-dimensional.

I think this illustrates quite well why just having a single word "love" in English is kinda insufficient.

I agree entirely.