I've broken my life.

[booyaka]

You haven't broken your life but you need to sort things out.......

Romance goes pretty quickly to the back of the line when kids come along. That's your role as a father, provider and family man.

You both decided to have kids and another one on the way, can't blame anyone for that.

At the end of the day, you have to decide whether the feelings you have for your kids and a steady family life, outweighs the feelings of romance and excitement etc.

It's not about being unhappy, it's about being a balanced family life, sometimes it's tough, sometimes it's good.....you need to take the good with the bad.

Put it this way, i'm 40 today.....I have two kids, mortgage, wife, dog etc - I would say that myself and the wife have very few romantic moments/times as when we decided to have kids, we agreed that for the next 15 years or so, we would focus on them and their lives etc. Still doesn't mean I don't miss the romance etc - but when you have kids - they are your commitment.

When they are older we will get back more time and spend that with each other.

Good luck - but you need to have a sit down and think about how this goes from here. I wouldn't like to think about having 4 kids and a house to pay for whilst trying to make my own single life etc - the cost will be mental.

 

[Deleted member 66701]

Romance goes pretty quickly to the back of the line when kids come along. That's your role as a father, provider and family man.

What a crock of ****.

Put it this way, i'm 40 today.....I have two kids, mortgage, wife, dog etc - I would say that myself and the wife have very few romantic moments/times as when we decided to have kids, we agreed that for the next 15 years or so, we would focus on them and their lives etc. Still doesn't mean I don't miss the romance etc - but when you have kids - they are your commitment.

How sad, I feel sorry for you.

 

[Rroff]

What a crock of ****.



How sad, I feel sorry for you.

Depends a bit - some aspects of the romance would naturally take a back seat but if there is nothing there in the quiet moments, etc. then that is another thing. Unlike some of the posters above I'm not a fan of just patching up things on the surface and its alright if things appear to look ok.

Staying together for the sake of the kids if you are unhappy isn't always a good thing - kids often tend to pick up on that and it can be just as damaging to many in the long run as an undisguised broken home.

 

[Defy Belief]

You haven't broken your life but you need to sort things out.......

Romance goes pretty quickly to the back of the line when kids come along. That's your role as a father, provider and family man.

You both decided to have kids and another one on the way, can't blame anyone for that.

At the end of the day, you have to decide whether the feelings you have for your kids and a steady family life, outweighs the feelings of romance and excitement etc.

It's not about being unhappy, it's about being a balanced family life, sometimes it's tough, sometimes it's good.....you need to take the good with the bad.

Put it this way, i'm 40 today.....I have two kids, mortgage, wife, dog etc - I would say that myself and the wife have very few romantic moments/times as when we decided to have kids, we agreed that for the next 15 years or so, we would focus on them and their lives etc. Still doesn't mean I don't miss the romance etc - but when you have kids - they are your commitment.

When they are older we will get back more time and spend that with each other.

Good luck - but you need to have a sit down and think about how this goes from here. I wouldn't like to think about having 4 kids and a house to pay for whilst trying to make my own single life etc - the cost will be mental.

Oh come on, children do this magical thing called sleep where you can have romantic moments all you want. Sacrificing romantic moments for 'the next 15 years' because you had kids is laughable.

 

[Begbie]

Four kids and you're worried about the gooey romantic feeling? That's long gone for a while I'm afraid. It's all about head down bum up boring family life for a few years.

Sometimes it's dull and boring. Should have rubbered up.

This.

You have higher priorities now, as long as you and the wife aren't arguing and causing disturbance to the kids. Suck it up. Some feelings making you leave all your belongings and children. You made the decisions, deal with it.

Oh come on, children do this magical thing called sleep where you can have romantic moments all you want. Sacrificing romantic moments for 'the next 15 years' because you had kids is laughable.

Theres more to being romantic than pumping. I think...

 

[MooMoo444]

Why would you commit to four kids if you didn't know with absolute certainty shes the one you want to spend your life with?

Can't really have sympathy here. Why not just put the relationship on hold for now and sort of live as partners with the kids? Maybe you'll get over the bump in your life.

 

[Defy Belief]

This.

You have higher priorities now, as long as you and the wife aren't arguing and causing disturbance to the kids. Suck it up. Some feelings making you leave all your belongings and children. You made the decisions, deal with it.



Theres more to being romantic than pumping. I think...

Ha there is, but that's a large factor even still, family members to maybe babysit one evening so you can go on a nice evening out together etc.

 

[zoomee]

Men talking about romance - think i'm gunna be sick

 

[Deleted member 66701]

This.

You have higher priorities now, as long as you and the wife aren't arguing and causing disturbance to the kids. Suck it up. Some feelings making you leave all your belongings and children. You made the decisions, deal with it.



Theres more to being romantic than pumping. I think...

This is true, and we're very romantic with each other when the kids are around. I think it actually sets them a good example and I hope they continue in the same fashion when they have partners and families of their own.

 

[Angilion]

It started after number 2. Cracks started forming and at that point I was fairly up front saying I didn't want a 3rd.

We talked and 2 years later we decided to have a 3rd, then once the 3rd arrived she decided she wanted another and who was I to stop her? I think the exact comment was that she could get pregnant with or without me at one point.

That very strongly implies that she doesn't even like you, let alone love you.

All the posters saying everything is up to you and it's your fault for expecting romance after children seem to be missing not only that but the entire idea that romance (or any relationship) between two people requires both of them to want it.

I think you need to hash something out with your ex, probably after taking some legal advice and possibly with an independent mediator or at least a friendly witness. It may be that the least bad scenario is some sort of business arrangement. That seems to be what you have anyway, since there doesn't seem to be any personal relationship between you.

 

[Narj]

Man I'm so glad I dodged the bullet with the nutter I was supposedly going to marry. This nightmare could have been me!

Good luck, OP, you're going to need it. Hate reading this sort of stuff.

 

[SexyGreyFox]

Doesn't have to be. I've been married for 13 years and have three kids - we still have a huge spark.

Same here but we've been married 36 years.
We are still in love with each other and I still get it around 7 times a week.
I feel really sorry for those saying "Well it's just marriage isn't it, you go through these stages and have to put up with it?".

 

[Rroff]

That very strongly implies that she doesn't even like you, let alone love you.

All the posters saying everything is up to you and it's your fault for expecting romance after children seem to be missing not only that but the entire idea that romance (or any relationship) between two people requires both of them to want it.

I think you need to hash something out with your ex, probably after taking some legal advice and possibly with an independent mediator or at least a friendly witness. It may be that the least bad scenario is some sort of business arrangement. That seems to be what you have anyway, since there doesn't seem to be any personal relationship between you.

I do have to wonder how many of those posters are trying to justify their own decisions (and/or inaction) rather than anything else.

 

[Slam62]

7 times a night for me,

 

[knip]

Why keep having kids with her if things were so bad? There are ways of preventing this. It's the kids I feel sorry for having to grow up with a dysfunctional set of parents and a crappy example being set to them of what normal relationships look like.

I'm blaming her as well as you for this, both of you have caused this situation and should now be working out how you can both put the kids first and sort this out like adults.

Better to have two parents living separately and happier than two together screwing them up.

Sorry if that's harsh.

 

[Squark]

You have a live-in babysitter in her mother yet you haven't had nights out to just be with each other, kindle the romance?

 

[Swifty55]

Same here but we've been married 36 years.
We are still in love with each other and I still get it around 7 times a week.
I feel really sorry for those saying "Well it's just marriage isn't it, you go through these stages and have to put up with it?".

7 five minute sessions in one night?

 

[Swifty55]

Sleep with the mother?

 

[kindai]

My reactions...

I'm 29, Mrs/Ex is 30 we have 3 children and 1 on the way.

Ok

I have a mortgage for the house which is in my name only

Sure, if that works for you

and I pay all of the bills (every single one)

This is starting to seem a little unfair....

Her mother lives with us

Wtf? Does she not work or have some form of income to contribute? Same for your mrs?

I also divvy up the leftover cash pot as spending money for all.

What the actual



I mean no disrespect, but it seems like you need to start having some "you time". Tell the Mrs and her mother they need to start pulling some weight as you're gonna be spending your money on yourself...

 

[Haggisman]

I feel really sorry for those saying "Well it's just marriage isn't it, you go through these stages and have to put up with it?".

Well... It is sort of true. In choosing to marry someone you make a commitment to stick together through the good times and the bad (isnt that how the vows go?).

That doesn't necessarily mean spending the rest of your life miserable because you hate each other, but it does mean sticking out the ups and downs, and more importantly making an effort to fix them, rather than just bailing at the first sign of trouble