Joke of the day

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2 women called at my door and asked what bread I ate! when i said 'white' they lectured me on the benefits of brown bread for 30 minutes *##### 'Hovis witnesses..
 
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Once upon a time there was a chef named Chervase, who worked in a restaurant. They mainly served fish, especially squid.

Of all the squids there, one stood out from the rest. He was green, vile and had a hairy lip. Of course anyone seeing this squid would not want him, and would choose another, more appetising fish. So, over the years, Chervase grew to like the squid, despite being vile and green and having a hairy lip. He would come in every morning and feed it and clean out it's tank every evening.

During the summer, a student was taken on to wash up, and his name was Hans. He was a good worker, and helped Chervase around the kitchen. He also grew to like the squid, and fed it daily when Chervase was too busy.

One day a gentleman arrived in, claiming to have tasted every squid known to man. When he saw the vile green hairy-lip squid, he had to have it.

So, Chervase pulled the squid out by the tentacles and threw him up on the chopping block. He grabbed his clever and in one movement he raised it up and couldn't kill his old friend, the vile green hairy-lip squid. He broke down crying and ordered Hans to kill the squid, but Hans couldn't do it either.

Just goes to show you that ...

Hans who does dishes is as soft as Chervase, with the Vile Green Hairy Lip Squid!

:p
 
A blonde is stuck at home and decides to do some handiwork so she goes along to her neighbours and says "got any work that i can do?" to which he replies "sure you can paint the porch, there is all paints and stuff you need in the garage". Happy to be doing something helpful she gets to work on the porch. A couple of hours later she knocks on the door.
"Hey im done, I had to buy some more white paint heres the reciept". The neighbour hands her some cash to cover the paint and work and says his goodbyes, as the blonde goes to leave, she turns around and says "by the way, While painting I noticed the tax disc in your porch has just expired".
 
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