Hmm...poor.
Okay, I'll try two, people fail but oh well.
First:
A man and his wife are in the bedroom. While talking, the wife asks,
"Honey, can you buy me this rose I want, it was very nice and smelt sweet."
Husband: Surre.., how much is it, dear?
Wife: Twenty pounds...
Husband: Twenty pounds, are you mad?
Husband: I'll tell you what, come over here to the mirror....
(The wife does this, as the man pulls out a £20 note)
Husband: See this note? (pointing to the one in the mirror, while holding his up)
Wife: Yes...
Husband: Well, that one is yours, and this one is mine!
He then puts the note back in his pocket and goes to work.
When he returns from work, he walks into the kitchen, where the whole table is pilled up with meat, expensive meat as well.
Husband: God, where did all this meat come from? How did you pay for it?
Wife, Come with me to the mirror.
Husband does this. The wife then lifts up her dress...
Wife: See that bush in the mirror?
Husband: Yes...
Wife: Well, that one is yours, and (while pointing to her bush) this one is the butchers!
Second one:
A bunch of men are in the Golf club's changing room getting changed for their afternoon of golf.
While the men are getting changed, a cellphone rings.... a man answers and says,
Hello.....
Woman on the phone: Hi, dear!
Man: Oh, hi, honey...
Woman: Listen, listen I've just seen this coat in the high street....I really want it, but it's £1,000. Can I get it?
Man: Sure, why not? Spoil yourself for once!
Woman: Great!, also, the estate agents called today...they said there is another offer on the house at the moment for £450,000. So we have to beat that if we want it. What do I tell them?
Man: Tell them we'll give them £650,000 for it and will take it now.
Woman: Oh, okay great! Oh, sorry, and one more thing?
Man: Err..yes, dear?
Woman: There is a new Merc out, I really love it, but the price is £75,000 for it without extras....
Man: Oh, I like that car. Tell them, we'll take two, with all the optional extras!!
Woman: Cool, I will go there right now with your cheque book! thanks dear, love you, bye!!
The man puts down the phone and looks at all the men in the room who are now looking at him...
He asks them: So, does anyone know whose cell phone that was??
Enjoy.
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