Joke

Soldato
Joined
22 Sep 2008
Posts
4,300
Location
Kent, England
A string walked into a bar, hopped on the barstool, and said, "Bartender, gimme a beer." The bartender said, "I'm sorry, sir, we don't serve strings here."


Disappointed, the string hopped down from the stool and went to the next bar. He hopped on the barstool and said, again, "Bartender, gimme a beer." The bartender said, "I'm sorry sir, we don't serve strings here."


The string continued down the row of bars in this fashion. At every bar, he hopped on the barstool and said, "Bartender, gimme a beer." The bartender at every bar in turn said, "I'm sorry sir, we don't serve strings here."


Finally he got to the last bar in the area. He was tired, he was sweaty, all he wanted was a beer. He trudged inside, climbed on the barstool, and said, "Bartender, gimme a beer." This bartender, too, said, "I'm sorry, sir, we don't serve strings here."


Tired and angry, the string walked outside to think. He was a hard-working string. He deserved a beer. Finally, he came up with an idea. He had a passerby tie him up into a bow and frazzle his ends. Then he went back into the bar, and climbed up on the barstool. "Bartender, gimme a beer!" he said loudly.


The bartender looked him over critically, and finally yelled, "Hey, aren't you that string that was in here a few minutes ago?"


The string replied coolly, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."
 
Sus or ban ?

* rubs chin *

:(

Here's a better one:

A boy was bagging groceries at a supermarket. One day the store installed a machine for squeezing fresh orange juice. Intrigued, the young man asked if he could be allowed to work the machine, but his request was denied.
Said the store manager, "Sorry, kid, but baggers can't be juicers."
 
These are better:

Three strings walk into a bar.

Alex the barman looks them over suspiciously.

the first string walks up to the bar and says ‘3 pints please’

Alex replies ‘Get lost, we don’t serve your kind here.’

Somewhat taken aback the first string returns to his friends and tells them what happened.

The second string looks kindly at the first and says ‘Don’t worry, I’ll go ask. You just have to know how to smooth things over’ and promptly heads to the bar.

‘My dear Barkeep’ he begins, ‘I and my friends have travelled across countless lightyears to frequent your famous establishment and would be deeply grateful if you could furnish us with three of your fine and famous Mansfield bitters. If it wouldn’t cause too much inconvenience’ and finishes his speech with a bow.

‘Like I told your filthy string pal over there’ Says Alex, clearly unimpressed ‘We don’t serve your kind in here, outside with you!’

Deflated and distressed, the second string returns to his friends and tells them what happened.

‘Right’ says the third string. ‘This calls for drastic action’ and instead of heading to the bar, about faces and walks straight out into the busy city streets. Over the course of the next hour, the third string carries out several mind boggling tasks. He wrestles with a elephant at the City limits; steals a Harley and speeds around and around the Main City square and eventually jumps off the bike while at full speed coming to a battered, dusty, thread-strewn stop at the base of the bar entrance. He re-enters and walks purposefully to the bar.

‘Oi barman!’ he shouts at Alex ‘3 pints and make it snappy’.

Cautiously, Alex looks him up and down and asks ‘Are you a string?’

‘No’ says the string “I’m afraid not”.

I bit of string walks into a Pub and orders a drink. The barman is surprised and says "Here, are you a bit of string?"

"Yes mate" was the answer

Ten minutes later, another piece of string wonders in and orders a pint.

The barman perplexed by this says "'Ere, you a bit string?"

"Yes", said the string.

Half an hour passes and a bit of string, with a knot in the middle and ends all splayed out wonders in and orders a drink"

"Are you a bit of string?" the barman asks.

"No, I am a frayed knot mate."

:p
 
:(

Here's a better one:

A boy was bagging groceries at a supermarket. One day the store installed a machine for squeezing fresh orange juice. Intrigued, the young man asked if he could be allowed to work the machine, but his request was denied.
Said the store manager, "Sorry, kid, but baggers can't be juicers."

Perma it is ..........

;)
 
I’ve just heard on the grapevine about a company making exploding prayer mats.

Apparently they are due to announce tomorrow that prophets are going through the roof...
 
:(

Here's a better one:

A boy was bagging groceries at a supermarket. One day the store installed a machine for squeezing fresh orange juice. Intrigued, the young man asked if he could be allowed to work the machine, but his request was denied.
Said the store manager, "Sorry, kid, but baggers can't be juicers."

That is better than the first one.

;)
 
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