Just bought my wife a new fridge

[glenimp617]

Can't wait to see her face light up when she opens it

 

[Ayahuasca]

 

[ShiWarrior]

if its filled with wine, her face will light up, otherwise it wont lol

 

[Theophany]

I'm really worried about my grandfather's viagra addiction.

My grandmother is taking it pretty hard.

 

[montymint]

Quality dad joke right there.

 

[Semple]

Whilst we're on dadworthy jokes..

We've just had a decorator in to do some work.

I got chatting to him and it turns out he's a British Airways pilot who's been furloughed and earning a bit of extra cash.

He made a lovely job of the landing....

 

[pinkpound]

Just rang up B&Q and asked “How big’s the queue?”
He said: “same size as the B!!!”

 

[Theophany]

Just rang up B&Q and asked “How big’s the queue?”
He said: “same size as the B!!!”

I walked into B&Q the other day and some man in a black and orange outfit asked me if I wanted decking. Luckily I got the first punch in, but others might not be so lucky, so be on your guard!

 

[Chrisc]

Just rang up B&Q and asked “How big’s the queue?”
He said: “same size as the B!!!”

This one really tickled me

 

[413x]

I'm really worried about my grandfather's viagra addiction.

My grandmother is taking it pretty hard.

Thanks for the laugh today!

 

[GizF1]

I walked into B&Q to ask about paint.

They were rubbish - glossed over the whole subject

 

[GizF1]

I went into Currys to look at appliances

The fridges were cool but the vacuums sucked

 

[mattyg]

I've a racing snail. He only ever seems to come in 2nd place. I've removed his shell to see if that helps speed him up, But its seems to have just made him more sluggish.

 

[Junglist]

I'm really worried about my grandfather's viagra addiction.

My grandmother is taking it pretty hard.

I've a racing snail. He only ever seems to come in 2nd place. I've removed his shell to see if that helps speed him up, But its seems to have just made him more sluggish.

These two are the winners

 

[Efour]

looool

 

[Mcnumpty2323]

went to the lake the other day
saw a sign that said frog parking only!

all others will be toad!

 

[Jono8]

 

[Theophany]

I heard on the news that the January floods had cost this country a billion pounds. What an utter waste of money. If anything, they did more harm than good.

 

[Puzzled]

What's Forrest Gump's password?

1forrest1

 

[Marky]

What's Forrest Gump's password?

1forrest1

Haven't heard that one before, very good