Just left my girlfriend..feel terrible

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Hey people,

After a very up and down 2 year relationship I've just walked out on my girlfriend.

I've left once before, about a year ago, but after a lot of discussion we got back together on the understanding that things had to change. A year down the line and nothing's really changed at all. She still tries to dominate everything we do, and I still feel like my opinion isn't valued at all. People tell me that women are just like that, but I've been in long-term relationships before and never had these problems.

I'm getting on a bit (27 in a week or so) and decided that its time that I stop getting depressed by being in a relationship I'm not happy with and start looking after number one.

She was at work today and I wasn't, so I packed a few days worth of clothes and have come back to my parents. I left her a letter on the sofa explaining my reasons for breaking up and this seemed acceptable at the time but I now feel really crap doing it this way. The letter wasn't nasty in any way, but its going to hit her hard when she reads it.

I suppose its my way of avoiding the whole messy breakup thing, but she's bound to drive straight over here when she reads the letter to demand a proper explanation anyway

I'm going to really miss her as we had some good times together. This has been a really tough decision...one that I'm not 100% sure about, but at the moment I feel like its the best thing for me. I'm not sure if I've done the right thing or not

Do others think I'm out of order leaving her a letter or what?

Andy

 

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I forgot to say I walked out a couple of weeks ago after another stupid argument, so she knows I'm not happy at the moment. After a couple of days of her treating me nicely it was back to normal again. Its like she's only interested in making a proper effort when she knows she's going to lose me.

I understand that there needs to be some sort of closure, and thats bound to happen this evening. I just couldn't bring myself to tell her straight to her face.

 

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Thanks for the replies everybody. Re the letter I guess the fact that I had to ask the question meant I knew I'd done wrong. Its always much easier to see things clearly in hindsight though.

I just had a strong urge to get out of the house. I saw my chance and took it so to speak. She was at work at the time and the last thing I wanted was for her to come home to an empty house with no sign of where I'd gone, so the letter was the best way I could think of to let her know what the situation was. It was never meant as a substitute for the chat we need to have.

I've now phoned her and we're getting together on Friday evening to talk things through.

Andy

 

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Well it seems the letter idea was more controversial than expected, but at the time it seemed like the best thing to do. It's done now and there's no taking it back. The letter wasn't nasty in any way in case you were wondering!

Not surprisingly I had a terrible night last night..didn't sleep a wink I can cope fine while I'm doing something to keep my mind off her but the minute I have my thoughts to myself (ie bedtime) I fall to pieces and can't stop the thoughts bouncing around in my head.

Despite everything that's happened I really do love the woman deeply. Despite all her bad points she has a warm and caring side and that's what keeps dragging me back for more. It's all the negatives about her which have brought me to this situation. Was I being too negative myself by just looking at the bad points and forgetting the good?! Its only now that I'm not with her that I start noticing the good.

An example of one of the bad things that drove me away:

She hates people knowing more than her. If I knew something that she didn't, she would demand proof that I was right. Maybe me knowing more than her made her feel inferior? The stupid thing is that she didn't make any effort to learn information. She's more worried about what the latest bit of gossip is in the celebrity world. While she's watching Big Brother I'm on the net reading forums, learning..and then she makes me feel small for doing so..go figure!!

That is just one of a list of things that does my head in about her. It' not one of those little niggles like her not tidying up after herself..they're still annoying but I'm adult enough to live with them..we all have our weaknesses, but things like the above drive me mad.

I'm going crazy here. I feel like the rope in a tug-of-war match. One team loves her deeply, and the other team wants to let go of the rope for good, but they're both putting up a good fight!

Andy