Leaving boring conversations

[Lysander]

How do you do it? You know, there are people you meet sometimes who just go on and on and on about nothing of importance, just relishing in the fact that they're talking. What do you do to get out of it?

Sometimes I just make an excuse and leave or interrupt them, though it's not always that easy. Waiting for a "break" in their dialogue so you can wrap it up often just draws it out even longer. I would be interested to see what other peoples' tactics are.

 

[Lysander]

It can feel awkward, but if someone isn't picking up on the natural "wow, you're going on a bit" signals, then they're actually the ones that are being rude. In those cases, I try to remember that allowing it to continue is reinforcing the behaviour, and that they're likely experiencing being cut off a lot so they won't feel the awkwardness of it as much as you do.

Didn't expect such good advice so early in the thread.

 

[Lysander]

My wife.

My ex's mum. She didn't care what she was saying as long as she was the one talking.

I remember one fun afternoon where she prattled on for 15 minutes about a slice of cheesecake she'd had at a theatre cafe.

 

[Lysander]

Quite often this relates to verbatim accounts of conversations that happened in 1979 or earlier.

No offense to your mum, but I cannot understand how people recount conversations like this. Neither do I understand how people cannot tell when they're being boring. I think it's just about being self-absorbed and insensitive.

 

[Lysander]

I find in life the people who use fewer words are far more interesting.

Empty vessels make much noise.

 

[Lysander]

This is me, but not for the reasons you think.

I actually hate having to talk. I hate it because I'm just bad at having conversations. Knowing that I'm crap at conversations, I babble. I make the mistake of just saying as much nonsense as I can just to keep (the illusion of) the conversation going.

Actually, it's not a conversation. I lost the other person's interest almost immediately. They are now you, trying to get away. They are not stimulated or interested. Also, I know this. I know I'm floundering in an ocean of pee. I know I'm drowning in it. I just can't stop myself from babbling away, but always I'm 100% aware and fully conscious that I'm dying on my arse and this is possibly the worst conversation in the history of human communication.

I'm relieved when the other person says, "Nice to catch up. Speak to you soon!" It's a lie, of course. It was anything but nice. They weren't engaged and they had to politely listen to the worst horse poo they've heard in ages.

I'm truly, deeply sorry that I put them through it. It stressed me out as much as it bored them. I hated it too.

Fascinating stuff. Very interesting perspective. How often does this happen?

 

[Lysander]

Because you feel like you failed if you don't keep the conversation alive. If you keep babbling the conversation isn't really alive but it isn't dead either You know you're doing it wrong but you don't know how to do it right, either!

So it's not actually alive, it's undead. You're basically a conversational necromancer.

In all seriousness I found that a very interesting post. Thanks for that. I hadn't considered that some people just talk incessantly because of their own social awkwardness and nerves rather than coming from a position of egoism.

 

[Lysander]

Just LOL if you don't have to return some videotapes when you want to get out of a conversation.

Wait... is that Edward Towers??