Long post, about a few so called "friends"

Soldato
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Right, well im posting this to ask for peoples opinions on this situation.

I have a group of friends, who are a year younger than me. Two of them used to be partners before the one (probably who I consider to be my best friend) ended it - We shall call them Simon and Sally. Simon lied to Sally saying it was because he was going to uni, which was local anyway. Yet the real reason is he met someone down in reading. Months go by and Sally finds out about this other girl and she gets abit angry (as you would) because of how she lives so far away, completely contradicting the reason he gave for ending their relationship.


Sally really loved my friend (Simon), I could see it and she went through some hard times when she found out. Stopped eating, felt really down. Yet she kept having little digs at Simon for what he had done, so his response was fine - in that case I don't want you to be in my life anymore. They had been trying to stay real close friends despite it blatently not working.

This really hurt Sally more, and without even being prompted I tried to help her. Used my petrol to take her from home to McDonalds and paid for her to eat (she lost her job around the same time, she worked in a struggling news agents and the owner changed, not keeping on staff). Her parents were and still are going through relationship problems, and she didn't like being at home but her parents didn't like her spending so much time away from the house. So at this moment in time, she wasn't really allowed out depite hating being at home. I dropped her back and offered to talk to her parents for her, to which I did and her Mum said her razor had gone missing from the bathroom.

I managed to let her parents agree to me taking her to her friends for the day, to which I left and went to play cricket with a friend. Through the coming weeks, I would act as a mouth between Sally and Simon, telling her she has to make up her mind as to if she wants his friendship or not, and to stop throwing the blame at him for not eating any more etc.

Since finding out about the other girl, Simons new excuse for breaking up with Sally is that she took him for granted and she only loved him because of the alter ego he put on (errr, im thinking how can that be her fault?). She takes what he says as gospel and she is well and truely brain washed and calls him "perfect".

Well, they finally get talking again and we're all friends and have been for a while. Not long back I got hurt badly by a girl myself - basically used me and lied to me for 5 months, then went off with some other bloke whilst still seeing me. Basically overlapped us kind of thing. It was the first and only time I will be in love, im not going to risk feeling that way about someone again - not for the hard months after that you wake up feeling crap and asking yourself why did she do what she did?

I speak Sally about it now and then, because I trust her (or did). I know her love for Simon was strong as mine was for the girl I used to see - so thought she would understand. However, a night before me and Simon and I went on cricket tour - she starts crying over him again. On the way to Surrey for tour at a service station, Simon tells me she has been saying "Mark should be over that girl by now" and that shes a hypocrite.

That really, angered me. I've never once told her to stop talking about Simon or told anyone else that she should be over him as it simply isn't that easy.

Out of our group, im the only one with a stable job, and a car and a lot of activities we do, end up with me driving and me being out of pocket. I told Sally once, that really, if it wasn't for the fact I didn't have a car or money - I wouldn't be bothered with much. I'm abit insecure about this subject as thats basically what the girl that I loved used me for and basically didn't want to know me as this new chap had a car etc.

Straight away, Sally goes and tells Simon that I think people use me to score brownie points - despite her saying quite a lot to me about Simon, the last thing I do is go and get pally with him by telling him. A friend of ours (BOB) has been in the USA for 5 months roughly and came back last week. The first thing Sally said to me was "I knew Simon would cast me aside as soon as Bob came back".

Did I go and blab that to Simon? No. I pretty much knew what she said would be the case anyway.

Last week in the pub, I arrive 20 mins late and Simon and Sally only had one drink by then. Others arrive shortly after and im talking to the new arrivals, so I decline going to get myself a drink straight away. We never do rounds, some idiot always messes it up or doesn't pay. So I get up and head to the bar and Sally intercepts me at the stairs.

Her: "Can you get us a drink?"

Me (thinking): "Hmm shes underage so wants me to get her a drink, she wouldn't come to the pub without a single penny."

Me: Yeah if you give me the money.

Her: Oh, I bought me and <my friend, her ex> (protecting names) a drink and im out of money.

Me: Right, so get him to give me the money.

Her: He's out too.

Me (thinking): omg....

So I go to the bar and get her a drink, thinking she will rape others of their money.

But no, even if I got up to go to the toilet Sally was there like a little terrier yapping at my ankles.

The night went on, and something happened where like always, Sally sticks up for Simon despite if he's in the wrong. To which I basically screamed down her ear that she only thinks that because your a ******* ****.

I leave at the end and make it obvious im angry.

I get a few people (other friends within the group) talking to me a few days later, telling me Sallys quite sorry and feels bad for asking me for drinks and one tells me, that she was drunk. Which is crap as she had one drink that she bought before asking me.

Now, because of the few points above.

1. Being a hypocrite about me, despite me never ever being nothing but sympathetic towards her.

2. Constantly belittling me infront of my friend, agreeing with him when hes in the wrong. She has used the words perfect about him. NO ONE IS PERFECT, simple as that. Trying to get in his good books by saying things im quite within my right to say - despite her doing the same and me keeping it in my head.

3. After saying how I feel about being used by friends, and then obviously talking to my Simon in disagreement to it - she then goes and does the above at the pub. HELLO? You wonder why???

Apparently Sally is going to offer me my money back and apparently appologise although another friend of ours has said not to hold my breath. I get angry very easily especially in situations where I've done something for someone out of pure good intention and I don't even get abit of respect for it.

I'm thinking of telling Sally that she knows how I don't trust anyone after what that girl did to me, with all the lies. So her telling me shes sorry, won't happen again isn't going to wash so easily as it will make me feel like a mug.

Another problem is, I don't want to bring up how I helped Sally in the past to her face as it seems like im just as bad for throwing it in her face, but it's like shes forgotten already. I'll also remind her how she still crys months after the breakup, and how I don't talk about her not being over it when she should and how she will abuse everyone for Simon blatent attempts to get back with him.

The worst thing about it? My friend Simon cheated on her with a girl and she doesn't even have the foggiest.

What should I do? Either way I can't win. If I get angry and have a go people will just look at me as in the wrong.
 
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Soldato
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Move on. I know that sounds extremely harsh and nasty, but the fact is, you're friends have been taking you for ggranted for a long time, and dont appear to care a whit about you. Go make some decent friends.
 
Soldato
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All of it confused me

But with the Drink's senario, I would have been the same as you mate "omg what do I do"
Next time when she ask's you for a Drink, say ok.
Go back to the table with a Glass of tap Water :)
 
Soldato
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stevechapman said:
All of it confused me

But with the Drink's senario, I would have been the same as you mate "omg what do I do"
Next time when she ask's you for a Drink, say ok.
Go back to the table with a Glass of tap Water :)

Lmao, great idea.

Yeah sorry for the confusion, just don't want to write names althought should have used fakes but then - I would have got confused.
 
Soldato
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Mekrel said:
Lmao, great idea.

Yeah sorry for the confusion, just don't want to write names althought should have used fakes but then - I would have got confused.


Yeah it gets kind of confusing because you refer to friends and exes and interchange them. I think i sorted through it though. Also sorry about the harshness of my post but its truly what i believe.
 
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Sorry, I follow you until you start talking about your Ex, and then a whole bunch of people came into the equation and then it's still refer to As "my friend". So I am lost as to who is who, and how many my friend are you refering to. Give them names, even fake ones will be a lot more easier to follow.
 
Soldato
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badgermonkey said:
Yeah it gets kind of confusing because you refer to friends and exes and interchange them. I think i sorted through it though. Also sorry about the harshness of my post but its truly what i believe.

No need to appologise, you're probably right. I've already decided to space myself from them. As you said, it's not loss to them so.
 
Soldato
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Hostile17 said:
Sounds like you secretly fancy your mates ex ;)

Hell no, shes ok looking but as far as personality wise goes - shes as selfish as the last girl I was seeing.

The annoying fact is she doesn't see that Simon has been a complete arse to her. She thinks he lied to protect her, as he apparently knew she would stop eating etc. However that isn't true as Simon used to say to me, that he thought she didn't really love him, so if thats what he thought then it would be obvious she wouldn't have been that devistated. He lied to save face.

He's also cheated on her, yet he's the best thing since sliced bread to her as she doesn't know and will abuse others for him. Im enjoying watching her being so blind and stupid. I ain't got the balls to tell her though.

As I said im angry for the fact she soon forgets friends who haven't hurt her, and will abuse them for him despite what he has done.
 
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Soldato
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Do you fancy her 'cos it kinda seems like that : o
The first time someone betrayed me like that and talked behind my back (insultingly) I would confront them, and if they did it again I would forget about them, seems you need to what should have been done a loooong time ago.
 
Soldato
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This is just one of the reasons I don't think it can work being friends with a mates ex at least for a long while anyway.

End of the day no matter how much you like his ex (in a friendly way apparantly lol) your loyalty has to come down on the side of your mate. :)
 
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jakeke said:
Do you fancy her 'cos it kinda seems like that : o
The first time someone betrayed me like that and talked behind my back (insultingly) I would confront them, and if they did it again I would forget about them, seems you need to what should have been done a loooong time ago.

No, not at all - I've never looked at her in that way. It's weird but after being hurt the way I did, there like a spark in me missing now. I still look at girls and think, woah they are attractive but thats it. I wouldn't want to get to know one or make an attempt and I ain't the kind of guy to have abit of fun with someone just for attraction reasons.

I don't understand how people come to that conclusion? I think its because people read into it as I helped her to get close to her?

The reason I helped her, is I wasn't going to stand around and watch someone get hurt by someone and go through something alone whilst the person to blame for all the hurt simply washed their hands and walked away as they have someone else to go onto, as if they have no responsibility and nothing happened.
 
Associate
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If you're not straight with her she's just going to keep on being how she is with you because she won't think she's doing anything wrong. If you're annoyed she's saying things about you then tell her, don't buy her drinks and don't give her attention when she starts crying about her ex.

I'm sure her relationship ending seems like the end of the world to her but if she's that young then it really isn't and she needs to move on. Having you give her attention whenever she cries about it is making her wallow in it more and she's never going to face up to what he was like.

You said you were insecure about your friends liking you for your car so could it be that you're putting up with her crying on your shoulder and pining after your best friend because it gives you more of a purpose than just being someone with a car or money?
 
Soldato
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Hostile17 said:
This is just one of the reasons I don't think it can work being friends with a mates ex at least for a long while anyway.

End of the day no matter how much you like his ex (in a friendly way apparantly lol) your loyalty has to come down on the side of your mate. :)

There is no sides, they are friends now although Sally still thinks one day they may be back together.

As I said, they both use me and abuse me - especially Sally despite all I have done for her and me knowing what he did behind her back.

Another thing I have not added, as it hasn't got much to do with how they use me is that this new partner of Simons cheated on him whilst she was on holiday, and he found out.

Everything is a competition to him, and in his eyes no one has been hurt as bad as him through being cheated upon. Yet he cheated on Sally :S.

Sally is now:

"That other girl is a fool for doing what she has done, one day she will realise what she has lost"
 
Soldato
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You said you were insecure about your friends liking you for your car so could it be that you're putting up with her crying on your shoulder and pining after your best friend because it gives you more of a purpose than just being someone with a car or money?

Thats a good question, but there was no real consious reason as to why I help her.

I think one of the reasons is I know what it is like to get hurt badly, and for the other person to not care as they think they are in the right and they have someone else to go onto. Being thrown away like a rag doll when you have been sucked dry.
 
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