Make bad chatup lines even worse

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GTA

GTA

GTA

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**** your love.
I'll start, bonus points for anyone trying them and reporting back. Originals can be found on the following sites :

http://linesthataregood.com/
http://humouruniverse.users.btopenworld.com/chatuplines.htm
http://www.humorsphere.com/sms/pick_up_lines.htm

or just google for "chat up lines"

Original - "Was your father a thief? because he stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes."
Ruined - "Was your father a thief? because you look like the daughter of this guy I saw on crimewatch."

Original - "Excuse me, I dropped something... MY JAW!"
Ruined - "Excuse me, I dropped something... MY PANTS!" ( at this point, drop your pants )

Original - "Did it hurt?"
"Did what hurt?"
"When you fell out of heaven!"
Ruined - "Did it hurt?"
"Did what hurt?"
"When you were in that housefire!"

Original - "Are those moon pants? because your ass is out of this world!"
Ruined - "Are those moon pants? because your ass is the size of the bloody moon!"

Now you try :)
 
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Jono said:
Original - "Hey, can I buy you a drink?"
Ruined - "Hey, buy me a drink, you fat hound!"

Original - "I have only three months to live."
Ruined - "I have only three months to live. I have AIDS. Fancy some casual, unprotected sex?"

Original - "Stand still so I can pick you up!"
Ruined - "Stand still! You're making the ground shake you fat mess...oh FFS you spilled my pint!"
Click to expand...

AAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
 
Original - (close hand with nothing inside and give it to her) "It's my breath from when you took it away" (open palm while saying this)

Ruined - (close hand with nothing inside and give it to her) "It's my breath from when you took it away" ( punch her in the face with your now closed fist ) "SURPRISE BUTTERTROLL!"
 
Poor taste ahoy!

Original - "Do you know karate? 'Cause your body is really kickin'."
Ruined - "Do you know karate? No? Fantastic!" ( proceed to molest her, safe in the knowledge she won't fight back )
 
These things just write themselves.

Original - "Giant polar bear (What?) It broke the ice"
Ruined - "Giant polar bear (What?) YOU LOOK LIKE ONE! LAFFO!"

Edit -

This needs posting, for being the single best line of all time, doesn't even need ruining :

"I'm a Love Pirate, and I'm here for your booty! ARRRGGGHHH!!!"

And there was me thinking that pirates said "YARR!"..... although obviously its funnier if you stand inches from her face and just scream AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHH!!!!
 
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FYI, check out the "What?" section on that site, some bloody fantastic lines, including :

1. Hey baby... you got any diseases? Want some?
2. I'm not actually this tall. I'm sitting on my wallet.
3. If I had AIDS, would you have sex with me? (No.) Well, I don't, so let's go.
4. So....I heard you wanted to fight me.
5. I've got a big nose, big hands, and really big feet. That's right, I'm a clown.

Holy crap! :confused:
 
"I wanna spank you with a sack of kidney beans while you cover yourself in whipped cream and let a horny duck named Jeff lick it off you."

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
 
Original - "A thousand painters working for a thousand years could not create a beauty that equals you."
Ruined - "A thousand barmen working for a thousand years couldn't get me drunk enough to bang you"

Original - "Want to see a picture of someone beautiful? ( hold up mirror )"
Ruined - "Want to see a picture of someone beautiful? ( hold up playboy centrefold ) look! LOOK AT IT! LOOOOOOOOOK!!!" ( after this, optional rolling up the playboy, smacking her on the forehead with it and saying "bad dog!" )
 
Bad Chat Up Lines - now with extra added stupidness and surreality!

Original - "Hey, you know what winks and screws like a tiger?" ( No? ) wink"
Ruined - "Hey, you know what winks and screws like a tiger?" (No? ) "My one eyed tiger. I stabbed him in the eye with a screwdriver the other day, and he's really angry. Here, hold this screwdriver" ( At this point you stand to one side, revealing the raging mad, one eyed tiger standing behind you, which proceeds to attack her and maul her to death. Then you wink at her.)
 
Original: "Get your coat love, you've pulled!"
Ruined: "Get your coat love, I just ran over a hooker and I need something to wipe the blood off my bonnet."

Original: "Are you tired? ( Why? ) Because you've been running through my mind all day!"
Ruined: "Are you tired? ( Why? ) You remember that hooker I ran over? well, I need you to help me bury her. Grab a spade. Oh, and its cold outside, you'll need a coat."

Original: "Have you got any Irish in you? Would you like some?"
Ruined: "Have you got any Irish in you? You dig like a navvy."

Original: (Beckon her with one finger till she walks over) "If I can make you come with one finger, imagine what I can do with my whole hand"
Ruined: (Beckon her with one finger till she walks over) "Get in the hole. Don't look at me like that!!! GET IN THE ****ING HOLE!"

Original : "Stand still so I can pick you up!"
Ruined : "Stand still so I can shoot you!"

Original : "Are you religious? Cause you are the answers to all my prayers."
Ruined : "Are you religious? Hope so, because I'm going to bury you."

The End.
 
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One more :

Original - "Your eyes are blue, like the ocean. And baby, I'm lost at sea."
Ruined - "Your eyes are blue, like the ocean, and baby, they're soon going to be black, like my heart."
 
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