Soldato
- Joined
- 17 Mar 2004
- Posts
- 8,259
Anyone been on a basic mechanics course in the past? I wanna learn how to change pads/shocks and the other basics.
ta
ta
"1: Remove the lower bolt. "2: Lower the suspension strut".
Haynes: One spanner rating (simple).
Translation: Your Mum could do this... so how did you manage to botch it up?
Haynes: Refitting is the reverse sequence to removal.
Translation: But you swear in different places.
DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly painted part you were drying.
1: heat to cherry red with gas axe, liberally apply club hammer to end of spanner, jump up and down on scaf tube over breaker bar, realise the bolt thread is wrong handed and you've been tightening it for the last 20 minutes. 2: lower the suspension strut.
30% of the skill is just swearing, the rest is covering things in grease. jump in and swim
Haynes manual + online research.
Haynes: Press and rotate to remove bulb...
Translation: OK - that's the glass bit off, now fetch some good pliers to dig out the bayonet part and remaining glass shards.
Haynes: Three spanner rating (intermediate).
Translation: Make sure you won't need your car for a couple of days and that your AA cover includes Home Start.
Translation: But Novas are easy to maintain right... right? So you think three Nova spanners has got to be like a 'regular car' two spanner job.
heres a handy guide on how to deciper what the instructions in the haynes manuals really mean
http://www.messybeast.com/dragonqueen/real-haynes.htm
Haynes: If not, you can fabricate your own special tool like this...
Translation: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!