Midweek joke

Teledude

Teledude

Teledude

Soldato
Joined
4 Dec 2003
Posts
2,847
Two guys were sitting drinking at the top of the empire state building.
One guy turns to the other and claims that due to the height of the building if you were to jump the wind around the tenth floor would push you into it and you'd be safe.

The second guy and the bartender look at him in disbelief.

So off he goes - he jumps, gets blown in a window on the tenth floor and re-emerges at the bar.

The second guy is amazed but claims it must have been a fluke.

So off the first guy goes again and the same thing happens again.

Upon returning to the bar he urges the second guy to try now he has proved it works twice.

So the second guy does - he jumps.

SPLAT

The bartender turns round...
























































You know what. Your a right ******* when your drunk superman :D
 
Raised a chuckle. :)

Three old black women sitting on the porch talking about their husbands. The first says, "I call my husband Brandy because he makes me randy!"
The second chips in, "I call my husband Whisky because he makes me frisky!"
The last one pauses and then tells the others, "I call my husband Drambuie, because he's a fancy liquor!"

:D

Best done with the accents.
 
OK this is unnatural - the websites one yesterday... and now this two things I found funny in two days... quick somebody bring the tone down!
 
Beren said:
OK this is unnatural - the websites one yesterday... and now this two things I found funny in two days... quick somebody bring the tone down!
Click to expand...

Someone needs to get banned, this is a forum for gods sake!

+44
 
An old man goes to the doctor for his yearly physical, his wife tagging along. When the doctor enters the examination room, he tells the old man, "I need a urine sample, a stool sample and a sperm sample."

The old man, being hard of hearing, looks at his wife and yells: "WHAT?"

"What did he say? What's he want?"

His wife yells back, "He needs your underwear."
 
lol, i like thie thread, but i cant comment without chipping in, i dont wana be a spammer :p

a good old blonde joke :p

Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?

A: Pregnant.
 
A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman.

They exchange brief hellos and he notices she is reading a manual about sexual statistics.

He asks her about it and she replies, "This is a very interesting book about sexual statistics. It identifies that American Indians have the longest average penis and Polish men have the biggest average diameter. By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours?"

"Tonto Kowalski, he replies, "Nice to meet you."
 
man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an airplane. The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.

The man went back to his reading. A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, then shuddered violently once more. Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious about the shuddering. A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again. As before she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking ever more than before.

Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and said, "I couldn't help but notice that you've sneezed three times, wiped your nose and then shuddered violently. Are you ok?"

"I am sorry if I disturbed you, I have a very rare medical condition; whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm."

The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious. " I have never heard of that condition before" he said. " Are you taking anything for it?"

"Yes," the woman nodded. "Pepper."
 
eddie_slovik said:
man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an airplane. The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.

The man went back to his reading. A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, then shuddered violently once more. Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious about the shuddering. A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again. As before she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking ever more than before.

Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and said, "I couldn't help but notice that you've sneezed three times, wiped your nose and then shuddered violently. Are you ok?"

"I am sorry if I disturbed you, I have a very rare medical condition; whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm."

The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious. " I have never heard of that condition before" he said. " Are you taking anything for it?"

"Yes," the woman nodded. "Pepper."
Click to expand...

Haha :D Best in this thread so far.
 
"My wife is going on holiday off the coast of Africa next week"
"Seychelles?"
"Shells"


"My husband is going on holiday in mid Asia next week"
"Tibet?"
"No, he doesn't gamble"


:o
 
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