Monday joke

I had seafood in Korea last night.
Seoul?
No, halibut.

I went on holiday with my wife to Northern Italy
Genoa?
Know her? I married her!

My friend had a nasty accident in the grounds of an English palace the other day
Hampton court?
No - he just twisted his ankle
 
If Suzie has three apples, then she gives one to Bill, then her father brings her five but takes one, then she gives one to her grandmother --- then what is that big grey animal in her backyard?

Answer: It's irrelevant.
 
I asked my girlfriend what she wanted for Christmas. She scowled and said, "Whatever you get me, it better be bigger than last year!"

"Alright," I said, "underwear it is then."

***

A little Jewish boy goes up to his father and says "Dad, I need 50 dollars"

The dad responds "40 Dollars!?!?! What do you need 30 dollars for!?!?!"

***

A man walks into his house and says to his wife "Honey, what would you do if I told you I won the lottery?"

"Divorce your sorry ass and take half!" she says.

He pulls a scratch ticket out of his pocket, tosses it at her, and says "I won $20. Take $10 and **** off."
 
[FnG]magnolia;21209011 said:
I asked my girlfriend what she wanted for Christmas. She scowled and said, "Whatever you get me, it better be bigger than last year!"

"Alright," I said, "underwear it is then."
Click to expand...

Wahey, a good one
 
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