moving girlfriend in?

I am 40 this year and so far have managed to escape from marriage and having kids... close shaves but so far im in the clear.

My advice.... dont do it.

UNLESS she is THE ONE... i mean would you marry this woman and have kids and be burried in the safe coffin after dying together aged 90? if no... then dont do it.

Was it you're idea for her to move in? or hers.... where does she live now? what happens to money etc...

I have gone through this 5 times... each time the girl suggested it, she moves in... pays her way for a few months then suddenly it muggins here paying for everything while she starts buying clothes and make up with her spare cash ( only spare because she isnt paying rent ).

When they finally get bored and want out all of a sudden you are the villain "making me move in with you" yadda yadda....

Maybe the OP has a nice honest girl, if so then brilliant. Just assume the worse is my advice.
 
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AtreuS said:
I am 40 this year and so far have managed to escape from marriage and having kids... close shaves but so far im in the clear.

My advice.... dont do it.

UNLESS she is THE ONE... i mean would you marry this woman and have kids and be burried in the safe coffin after dying together aged 90? if no... then dont do it.

Was it you're idea for her to move in? or hers.... where does she live now? what happens to money etc...
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A little OTT don't you think? she's a girlfriend, how are you supposed to know if you're compatible without testing the water?
if it doesn't work out, you can always kick the girl out after 6 months - if she's entitled to something by law, then she's entitled to it i.e. she's paid towards something, I don't see anything wrong with that.
I recently paid a huge deposit and moved into a house with my girlfriend, we both pay equal amounts of the mortgage but my deposit side is protected should one of us move out / sell.....until we get married of course but that's another topic.
 
AtreuS said:
I am 40 this year and so far have managed to escape from marriage and having kids... close shaves but so far im in the clear.

My advice.... dont do it.

UNLESS she is THE ONE... i mean would you marry this woman and have kids and be burried in the safe coffin after dying together aged 90? if no... then dont do it.

Was it you're idea for her to move in? or hers.... where does she live now? what happens to money etc...
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Very independence. Such lucky. Wow.
 
postbox said:
A little OTT don't you think? she's a girlfriend, how are you supposed to know if you're compatible without testing the water?
if it doesn't work out, you can always kick the girl out after 6 months - if she's entitled to something by law, then she's entitled to it i.e. she's paid towards something, I don't see anything wrong with that.
I recently paid a huge deposit and moved into a house with my girlfriend, we both pay equal amounts of the mortgage but my deposit side is protected should one of us move out / sell.....until we get married of course but that's another topic.
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It depends how you handle kicking her out when she has nowhere to move to and no money for a deposit. This is the problem, you are suddenly the evil one when the relationship ends because you dont have to move etc.
 
Zefan said:
Very independence. Such lucky. Wow.
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Sarcasm? really?

I assume you got lucky and found a nice honest woman.. i thought i had a couple of times and got screwed over. Now i am independant and my home is my own i am just offering the viewpoint of when it goes wrong.

Would be lovely to be all doe-eyed and optimistic but i guess unless you have learned the hard way its hard to understand.

I hope the OP has found a nice honest caring girl, he just needs to understand how it can go horribly wrong if she is'nt.

I guess he will know within the first few months how it will pan out.... if she helps with bills and does fair share of housework and respects his space then he is onto a winner.

I would point out that i have a lovely relationship with a lady my own age who thinks the same way and has her own house. We stay over at each others place 5 or 6 days a week and yet keep our independance. I guess we both have been bitten once too often, but it works for us.
 
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OP asking this is not unreasonable, he may be in a truly loving relationship but it is in his own interest to cover his assets.

Having been through the deposit saving/house buying process very recently, after all my hard work no way would I want someone to potentially leech into MY property/assets.

Hope it works out with you and your GF OP, big step! Just don't get her pregnant too soon if you're worried about the above :p
 
Either don't live together until you get married or both get a property together on mutual terms. I hate all this move a lass in to help pay the mortgage/bills before binning her off carry on. I wouldn't do it.
 
AtreuS said:
Sarcasm? really?

I assume you got lucky and found a nice honest woman.. i thought i had a couple of times and got screwed over. Now i am independant and my home is my own i am just offering the viewpoint of when it goes wrong.
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Were they pretty? Never trust the pretty ones, they are all dishonest. Marry a munter - house for life then :p
 
rojones said:
Why is there a trust issue. People know each other for years and years get married etc. and then one of them does something to cause a relationship breakdown.

So what's wrong with the OP who doesn't sound like he is married making sure he covers all the angles while continuing to move the relationship on to the next stage while as the relationship grows more trust is gained.

Seems to me like the most sensible thing anyone could do in his situation. I don't know why anyone would question it tbh.
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Just seems a little sad to me that that's the first thing people think about.. but perhaps I'm old fashioned. Back in my day.... ;)

In a black and white mercenary point of view I completely agree it is a sensible thing to enquire - but my point stands that it is a sad state of modern society that this is even something to consider before 2 love birds move in with one another. I don't know, it just feels so transactional and cold to me.

I am not saying I think it is a bad idea and should not do it, I am merely reflecting on the question posed.

Mat said:
The point isn't that she might want 50% by moving in, it's what she might want (or be able to claim) if they split up.
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And? Thinking about a relationship in that way would just push me away from ever getting into a relationship. I guess my brain is not wired up that way. It just seems a little cold and over thinking for something which isn't supposed to be a hardship.

I'll repeat what I said above, I see nothing "wrong" with what is being asked, again, it is merely the question that is being asked in the first place that feels a little bit odd to me.
 
(in a former life, I trained as legal executive had some dealings with the fallout of similar arrangements)

You Need to have a proper chat with her about things. If you both cannot discuss matters concerning the financial status in the relationship that is a point to pause.

If you were buying a place together then that is to an extent fine since both are contributing to the purchase.
However, you are the owner of your reside and currently your girlfriend has zero legal claim . Once she begins assisting in the upkeep of the property, she can at a future time prove a beneficial interest.
The harsh reality can be just one huge argument away and can cost you dear.

Notions of Romance and Soulmates should be left to the fairytale stories . With respect she isn't snow white and you are not Prince charming where you provide a ready made palace for her.
You purchased your property from your hard work and thinking about all the financial implications that entails. Why then would you throw that good decisionmaking to the wind?

My advice, let her move in for the 12-18 months see how it goes, you maintain financial responsibility as you already have. Sure have her contribute to the weekly shop. But paying bills relating directly to the property is a no no.

When/if after this time the relationship in your opinion has deepend then take the next steps as you see fit.

Your right to consider and ask for advice as it gets complicated if things go sour. I saw to many times broken men, who were left no choice but to sell their properties because their princess turned into the wicked witch.

Good luck, I hope that your journey is a positive and life affirming one.
 
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Moses said:
No, it's just entirely sensible, from what we know. You're being horribly naive, and/or stupid, and/or trolling if you can't see that it's an entirely reasonable question to ask and doesn't mean he has a fail relationship at all. Maybe if he's on the verge of marriage, but if this is a 'mere' girlfriend then it's obviously the right approach to take.
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Clearly it's out of your ability to have a sensible polite conversation with someone if you have to use personal attacks to make your point. I wonder if I should hold my breath for an apology...
 
plasmahal said:
AtreuS said:
I have gone through this 5 times... /QUOTE]

lol, 5 times.... You not learn the first time?
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No because i was ( am ) a nice honest caring guy. I thought it must just be bad luck.

The first 4 times were when i was renting and had them move in... get me into debt etc.

I am now beginning to think that unless you get lucky, its a nightmare trying to find HONEST women who arent out to screw you over for money!

Sad way to be at age 40 but you go on you're own life experiance. That is why i said i was lucky to have avoided marriage and kids ( one even lied about being on the pill and one did the old pin in the condoms ).

I was much more trusting in my late 20's :p
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The GF and I rented a flat for a year in order to test if we could actually live together. It turned out we could and so we've moved back to her parents and are now saving for a mortgage.

OP, it's a big test to see if you two can live together and I hope it works out for you. And as the others have said, it is very unlikely that she'll be able to claim anything back so stop worrying about it and enjoy having your GF there with you and bossing you about and moaning when you've not done the washing up or cleaning up even though she hasn't done the ironing or hoovering or when she moans that you have some trousers on the floor even though she has left 15 pairs of shoes in the hallway and she still hasn't moved them...

IT'S GREAT :D
 
TheBDog said:
It's clear you have a trusting relationship OP

Good luck for the future :D
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Foolish attitude,

I don't trust woman, but let me continue I don't trust ANYONE, even myself at times (For example not to pick up that doughnut when I promised myself I wouldn't....). I've never had a girlfriend cheat on me or anything so before anyone accuses me of being bitter you are incorrect. I just educated myself on the reality of relationships. If you require statistics to validate my claim then you just need to Google divorce rates of newly weds.

Human beings are unpredictable and emotions change as often as the weather. It's smart that OP is approaching this situation with caution.

I love it when people say OH YOU DON'T TRULY LOVE HER AND TRUST HER THEN BLAH BLAH. Grow up. We don't live in a Disney film.....

AtreuS said:
I am 40 this year and so far have managed to escape from marriage and having kids... close shaves but so far im in the clear.

My advice.... dont do it.

UNLESS she is THE ONE... i mean would you marry this woman and have kids and be burried in the safe coffin after dying together aged 90? if no... then dont do it.

Was it you're idea for her to move in? or hers.... where does she live now? what happens to money etc...

I have gone through this 5 times... each time the girl suggested it, she moves in... pays her way for a few months then suddenly it muggins here paying for everything while she starts buying clothes and make up with her spare cash ( only spare because she isnt paying rent ).

When they finally get bored and want out all of a sudden you are the villain "making me move in with you" yadda yadda....

Maybe the OP has a nice honest girl, if so then brilliant. Just assume the worse is my advice.
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Pretty much the course OP needs to avoid. All of sudden you are paying for everything, then she gets bored and wants out and demonises you to all her friends making you look like a piece of **** when you did nothing but support her.

Freefaller said:
Just seems a little sad to me that that's the first thing people think about.. but perhaps I'm old fashioned. Back in my day.... ;)
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You are completely right in your viewpoint that it is sad, why do I say that? I think woman in previous generations were more reliable. I don't know your age but I assume you are from a different generation and slightly older. Me being 26 I grew up right in the middle of the internet era and right at the start of Facebook, snap chat, selfies and chronic validation seeking. Girls of my generation are busy posting 10 selfies a day on Facebook for their next heroin hit of 10 likes or posting their vaginas on reddit gonewild for karma points and validation.
 
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