My first published review.. Online.

I like your writing style, it makes for easy reading. There are some parts in it where I think you've not made full or correct use of punctuation. There are times where you use commas to separate a phrase from the flow of a sentence where putting a dash either side of it would be more appropriate.

I like the picture captions too :p
 
Zefan said:
I like your writing style, it makes for easy reading. There are some parts in it where I think you've not made full or correct use of punctuation. There are times where you use commas to separate a phrase from the flow of a sentence where putting a dash either side of it would be more appropriate.

I like the picture captions too :p
Click to expand...

Cheers Zefan :)
I can't win, I usually get told I use too many dashes too. Commas are the correct way I'm always told... :p
I wrote it at 1am and it is a bit sprawling but i'll tighten up on future pieces.
 
It depends on the case... it can look dreadful if there are too many phrases dashed off, but then a series of commas tends to make me feel like I'm stumbling through the text, making it harder to feel the intended flow.
 
Firstly, congrats for getting published, must feel awesome! :D

It's certainly not bad, but for me personally it's a little overwritten and overworked in terms of the language used, with some sentences being unnecessarily long, and it just seems to lack some of the smooth-flowing writing style you find on some sites like Eurogamer. At some points it feels like you thought too hard about the wording (easier said than done, I know) and used more complex terms or phrases, where maybe simpler ones would have sufficed. As Zefan said, the punctuation could also use a bit of work.

However don't take the above personally, it's purely constructive criticism from my own perspective. I say again, well done on getting published! :)
 
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