My parents taught me never to take sweets from a stranger, this was different though

[Scuzi]

I've just arrived in from work. On opening the front door I pushed the usual pile of letters, spam and other random stuff that weirdos put through my letterbox. I was pleasently surprised though when amongst all the crap, I found a bar of chocolate. Yes, someone put a bar of chocolate through my letterbox. I must mention that it's no ordinary chocolate either, it's a rather posh bar of 'Green & Blacks Organic Butterscotch Chocolate'. I just threw the letters and stuff to the side and indulged in my random gift.

Any bets on when I die?

Suspicious food rocks.

 

[Scuzi]

i wouldnt eat that

Too late. Suspicious food is in the process of being converted to suspicious poop.

The postman is a postwoman, maybe I'm getting lucky

 

[Scuzi]

Haha, that's going in my sig

Yay!

Leave her a note saying thanks for the chocolate bar.
If she replys then you know that she gave it to you.
The leave her you phone number.

I might just hide behind the door until she comes, then open it and shout "BUTTSECKS!?!?" I never was a smooth talker.


Theories so far:

• Postwoman thinks I'm a hot sex machine and wants to do me hard, so gives me free random chocolate
• Weird stalker wants to sedate me, wait until I'm unconcious then break into the house and rape my limp unconscious body
• Secret agents who have defected to the Soviet Union want me for experiments and have laced the chocolate with sedatives
• Some kids slashed all over it, wrapped it up again and put it through my letterbox, hoping I'd eat the urine tainted chocolate
• Aliens did it
• Chuck Norris

 

[Scuzi]

Terrorists laced the chocolate with mind control drugs and will make you start crashing planes into each other next time you're at work.

At the subsequent board of inquiry:

"So, Mr. Scuzi, why exactly did you put the aircraft on conflicting headings at the same level with a closing speed of 800 Knots?"

"Uhhh, I think the chocolate did it."

I have another plan
The next times she goes to post letters through the letter box, you box SCUZI junior through and see what she does

Just watch out incase u get paper cut

I like it....I like it.

 

[Scuzi]

take it your still alive then??

Yup I was sick last night but I reckon the dodgy prawns did that. No chocolate today