Need advice :(

[homi-sid-al]

Ok guys brace your self ill explain the the best i can

At the age of 10 (give or take a year )i was told my father was not infact my real father and my bioligical dad walked out when i was one,needless to say i was shocked blah blah blah,it didn't really supprise me because i allways felt seperated if you like from the familly.
Anyway last year i plucked up the courage to ask my mother some question's about my biological father i.e what was he like?where abouts does he live etc etc,she told me some very disturbing facts about him,so disturbing infact it messed my head up quite a bit,i told my mother how i felt about what she had told me and she remained adament it was the truth.
Basically what she had told me was that he hadn't paid a single penny maintainence towards me,he didnt want to know me,he was violent and..now this is the big kick in the guts...he left for another manhe was gay.
Ok thats the short story of what happend last year.
Febuary this year i looked up his name on the electoral role and found a couple of address's that were around the area i believed him to be living,one night 14th feb to be exact my sister (who was adopted out when born and wants nothing to do with my mother...her bioligical mother) talked me into having a drive and look at the address's,first address we came to my wife got out the car and knocked the door,she tactfully explained we were looking for someone from the past blah blah and he seemed very excited at this fact and was very open.
It was himanyway very long story short emotianal meeting etc we were all invited in,as you can imagine we had loads of questions for each other but im gonna cut to the chase,basically it turns out my mother was the violent one she sufferd severe post natel depresion after i was born and was a bit of a night mare,there was instance where my nan (who is actually living with my dad)went round to the flat to try and help her and my mother litterally smashed my nan's face in to the point she needed miner surgery on her face.
My mother was also seeing someone behind his back (my non-biolicial father)and was leaving me with anyone and everyone,anyway soon after they split up and she left my biolical father with thousands of pounds of debt of wich he knew nothing about,not only that she threatend him with legal action if he was to come anywhere near me,tell them he wasn't safe etc.
He was also approached by a couple of heavy's basically threatening his life if he tried to contact me,this would usually sound unbelievable but when he described them to me i knew straight away who they were,a couple of pretty dangerous people off my non boilogical father's side.
He also told me about the woman he met a few years after the split with my mother who was basically the love of his life,she was a police woman and they were about to get married untill tragically 8 years ago she was involved in a major pile up on the m42 i think and she lost her life,ive visited her grave with him and it obviosly still pains him to talk about her,needless to say he was shocked to say the least when i explained about how i was told he was gay.
After telling him what i was told about him he also produced proof that he had actually paid maintanence up untill i reached the age of 16 so everything my mother told me was a huge lie,i'm now getting to know him and my nan and you couldnt ask to meat a nicer chap,even my nan is great and i cant help thinking what i havemissed out on all these years.
All i feel now is hate towards my mother,she doesnt know ive found him and when im in her company i can't look her in the eye,the anger is so great that i just pace around at work sometimes just thinking about it.

Sorry for the long post and poor spelling but ive had a drink and have been thinking about it all night and i suppose i just want some advice
Thanks guys

 

[homi-sid-al]

This sounds very familiar. Did you post this before?

No never,i've wanted to but its a hard situation to put into words.

Iv'e thought about asking my mother the same questions as i did last year and when she tells me about the lack of maintainence i would produce the evidence,only thing is my mother is vicious and when cornered would really fly off the handle,i spose deep down i know it would be the end of our relationship,whats left of it anyway.