Need help, how could I take this better

[DiG]

Hi, there is an photo I am trying to get right, the equipment I have is a D50 with 18-55mm kit lens, I have put some tissue paper over the flash to diffuse it abit, thats all, here is the croped and processed versions and the original, uncropped, I can reshot as its in my back garden so any advice as to how to improve the shot would be much appreaciated!!

[1] Cropped and processed

[2] Original, out of camera shot

 

[DiG]

Please, anyone? I'm really strugling to get this shot to look right!
Thanks

 

[King_Boru]

First thing that strikes me is the focus. The flowers are out of focus. Make sure they are as sharp as can be. I think you need to get in slightly closer, apply the same use of thirds though. Good idea with the flash but if you use the flash compensation and set it around -2.0 or -3.0 it will fill the frame ever so slightly. Might need to use a tripod if it is quite dark.

King